Lucid1 Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 That quote, found elsewhere from quiltmom, really hit home. "I married for the rest of my life, better or worse". Me too. So, was I naive to think my now-ex wife would honor that? After all, she said the words at our marriage ceremony and seemed to be sincere. I meant it and I would have stood by her under just about any circumstances. Yet when she became "unhappy" the next thing I know I'm getting divorce papers. WTF? Whatever happened to the old fashioned practice of keeping a promise? My ex didn't even attempt to make it work. She threw away 20 years of history and ruptured the life of our little boy. Was I stupid to believe in the whole idea of marriage? Some nights it seems so.
andyg99 Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 you weren't stupid... whatever made her stray from your vows you'll probably never know, forget her (it ain't easy) and concentrate on you and your child
Tiberius Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 How would things be different for you, if you would have just cohabited instead of getting married?
worldgonewrong Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 That quote, found elsewhere from quiltmom, really hit home. "I married for the rest of my life, better or worse". Me too. So, was I naive to think my now-ex wife would honor that? After all, she said the words at our marriage ceremony and seemed to be sincere. I meant it and I would have stood by her under just about any circumstances. Yet when she became "unhappy" the next thing I know I'm getting divorce papers. WTF? Whatever happened to the old fashioned practice of keeping a promise? My ex didn't even attempt to make it work. She threw away 20 years of history and ruptured the life of our little boy. Was I stupid to believe in the whole idea of marriage? Some nights it seems so. Yup. I could have written these same words.
Eddie Edirol Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 Its not about keeping a promise, its about keeping an attraction. it takes work. You cant just get married and expect to relax with your wife. You have to keep romancing her, and she has to do the same. you have to keep trying new things, and you cant fall into a routine, or take her for granted. Once she gives up on you, decides that she doesnt want to work on your relationship, you wont get any heads up about it. or she could have been one of those women who gives you shyt tests instead of going up to you with her issues. Meaning she asked you "what do you think of barbados?" Instead of saying "I would really like to go to barbados with you, can we go?" If you were stubborn, and kept saying no to anything she asked, that'll do it too. Also, sometimes you get fooled into marrying someone who has a different agenda other than love.
marqueemoon4 Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 Its not about keeping a promise, its about keeping an attraction. it takes work. You cant just get married and expect to relax with your wife. You have to keep romancing her, and she has to do the same. you have to keep trying new things, and you cant fall into a routine, or take her for granted. Once she gives up on you, decides that she doesnt want to work on your relationship, you wont get any heads up about it. or she could have been one of those women who gives you shyt tests instead of going up to you with her issues. Meaning she asked you "what do you think of barbados?" Instead of saying "I would really like to go to barbados with you, can we go?" If you were stubborn, and kept saying no to anything she asked, that'll do it too. Also, sometimes you get fooled into marrying someone who has a different agenda other than love. THIS. You know what though? Its a two way street and your wife should be doing whatever she can to keep things going strong. Mine didn't and decided to take the easy way out.
AudentesFortuna Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 THIS. You know what though? Its a two way street and your wife should be doing whatever she can to keep things going strong. Mine didn't and decided to take the easy way out. It's funny you say that because according to my wife, she is doing the HARD thing by walking away from the marriage without trying to make it work.
Tech_E Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 Wise post Eddie Edirol. VERY wise post. The thing is though that while I 1000000% agree with you, I feel that it is all too easy to take the 'easy way out' nowadays. I suppose I wasn't a huge believer in marriage for most of my life, largely because of seeing my parents stay together and be miserable, and now with what I've been through with my wife I have ZERO faith in the bond of marriage. ZERO. Ironic considering that we are staying married (well I hope).
2.50 a gallon Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 One of the problems with marriage is that over time, we all change. And after a few years, we and our spouses are no longer the persons we married. EE has an excellent post, but unfortunately it is not always the answer. If I may I can give two examples. All through my 20's I was basically a pussy hound. Then I met a nurse who knocked my socks off. She was down to earth, great looking, and other than my present lady, was one of the kindest most giving people I have ever met. It sure looked like we were headed towards tieing the knot, until she became the head nurse in the cancer wing. Her job was attending to many of those who were in their last days. Now in answer to the question of "How was your day?". I got "Missus So and So came back, and I am afraid it is for the last time. We lost Mr. blank during the night." And "Poor olde Missus Unknown took a turn for the worse, and I doubt that she will last more than a couple of days" I was in my mid 20's and not wanting to hear about death every night, and she in her job needed someone she could talk and relate to. She did nothing wrong, she was still beautiful, sweet and kind, but it was not long before I found myself just backing away and began dating again Shortly there after I met the woman who would be my fiance. For me it was love at first sight, but not for her. I had to work my butt off to get that first date, but that first date was fantastic, and within a week she had dropped all of her other suiters. The first year was great, there was no doubt that we were in love, and it was time to start talking about marriage and kids. And that is when things began to change. I was athletic, I played soft ball, volley ball, basketball, even an occassional football game, I did a lot of swimming and hiking, and because of that I was in pretty good shape. Shortly after we decided to get engaged she began to back off on her activities, she dropped out of her softball and volley ball leagues, and began to beg off when I would take off hiking, prefering to stay at home. And it wasn't long before her weight began to quickly rise. That is when the fights began. She began complaining that our sex live had hit the skids, and she was right, with her additional weight, I was no longer sexually interested in her, she no longer floated my boat and there was nothing I could do to change this as my body just would not respond. The kicker was that both of still loved each other, she kept pusing me to set a date, while I wanted her to try and loss weight so we could get back what we once had, and she wanted me to accept her as she was. And it went down from there
Eddie Edirol Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 Hey 2.50 youre right, change screws up relationships. The OP didnt give any detail about whether or not he gained weight, stopped activities, or changed personality in a way that lost his ex wives interest. Tech E, taking the easy way out as far as I know is the only way. I dont even know what its like to regain attraction to a woman once Ive lost it. I havent lived with someone, lost interest in them, and then fell in love with them again. I dont even know if its possible when you LIVE with them. if you dont live with them, its a different story.
marqueemoon4 Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 It's funny you say that because according to my wife, she is doing the HARD thing by walking away from the marriage without trying to make it work. Hah..what color is the sky in her world? Gimme a break. Probably a hard choice to bang some other man too.
quankanne Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 Whatever happened to the old fashioned practice of keeping a promise? well, it depends on whether the both of you actually got married for keeps, or had it in the back of your head that divorce was an option. And it depends on how that person was raised to believe in marital relationships. some folks think it's okay to f**k around, but as long as they're doing right by their kids, staying married is a good thing; some folks look at marriage as something to check off from their list of life ambitions; some look to it as an escape from another situation they think is worse. when we started discussing marriage I told my husband that he needed to know for sure, because I wouldn't get a divorce because it went against my personal and spiritual beliefs, but I sure as hell had no problem with killing his *ss if there were serious problems (cheating, abuse – those are my deal-breakers), so he knew exactly what he was getting into. Yeah, lots of bravado behind those words, but also more than a ring of truth to them. when you're considering yoking yourself to another person "for the rest of your life" you need to seriously look at how they view marriage and divorce and handling problems that come up. Invariably, one of you is going to be much more mature than the other, and that can cause problems if the other person doesn't mature to the same level ...
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