jkl6158 Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 I've always been terrible at letting go of people. When my 6th grade "boyfriend" broke up with me I continued to have a major crush on him for the next 5 years. When a guy I dated for 6 weeks broke things off with me last summer I thought about him for months and months after even though I didn't see him or talk to him once. Surprisingly I moved on with my life relatively fast (a few months) when my ex of almost 5 years broke up with me, but I think that's because I had been mentally preparing myself for it to happen for months. Anyways, I was dating an amazing guy for four months when out of the blue he broke things off with me. This was a month ago. He basically said that he didn't feel a spark with me the way he had with his ex, and while he thought I was a great girl and had lots of fun with me, his feelings just weren't where they should have been, and he saw me more like a friend. I on the other hand had basically fallen in love with him. Based on how affectionate he was and the amount of time we spent together, I never saw this coming. I thought we had incredible chemistry. Point is, a month later I'm still crying almost everyday. He's still the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about when I fall asleep. I keep holding onto ideas that he will realize what a mistake he made and how lonely he is without me and change his mind. I know logically this is probably unrealistic... if he just didn't have strong feelings for me despite acting like he did, it's doubtful that would suddenly change. We have been in contact maybe once a week (by text) since because I told him I wanted to stay friends because I didn't want such a good guy to not be part of my life anymore, and he said he'd like that. Though I'm fearful he is only doing it out of pity. We even played tennis last week and everything felt great... no awkwardness and lots of laughing the way we always did together, though I did want nothing more than to kiss him the whole time. I tried to act happy the whole time and didn't bring up anything serious so he doesn't get scared or think I can't handle being friends. But I don't know how to let go of the fantasy that he will come back. I almost feel like it would be wrong of me to let go, because if I do then he certainly won't, and what if we are meant for each other. (I know this thinking is irrational.) I know it's not healthy, and that I won't be happy as long as I dwell on how much I want someone who doesn't want me back, as perfect as he seemed. But knowing me, I will hold on much much longer than I should, and I'm just tired of how badly I hurt. I don't want to cry over him anymore, because it's not going to change a damn thing.
YuGr. Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 This is just out of the blue, but perhaps you're making guys and boyfriends your whole life ?:S The chemistry you get attached to within certain guys, do you have that (obviously in a different way) with girlfriends of yours? Just my 2cents. In MY opinion, you shouldn't be friends with someone you're in love with. Seeing him makes you happy in the moment, but then you're back to square one when he's not around. You're just going to drag on this emotion for much longer than needed by doing so. Perhaps simply telling him Why you can't be friends with him at least for now, he'll be understanding. And no matter what you choose to do, it won't increase or decrease your odds of him falling for you, so why not do what will make you feel best without him. Not sure if this is a good reply, my very first on this forum! Keep me/us posted on how it goes!
DSM2709 Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Hey JKL, I know how you feel, (Read my past posts). It really sucks and it hurts way too much. I still miss my ex and it's been over a year now since we broke up. It's been almost 9 weeks since we last saw each other. I think about her all the time but I also think about what caused our demise in the relationship. I've been hurt because I'm too nice of a guy and I sometime have a hard time expressing myself or standing up for myself. Anyways, I hope things get better for you and they will. Keep your head up and stay positive. God Bless!!
jchips Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 Hi jkl, and everybody else going through the same thing. I'm in a similar boat so everything I'm saying is what I need to hear myself... I'm seriously dealing with the fantasy that my ex will mend his ways and come back. But I know deep down inside that's not going to happen. I can hope but I still have got to shake this fantasy because it keeps me stuck in the past and unable to be in the beautiful present, in my basically good life. (That's the part I REALLY need to hear.) The past is gone. I want to be awake and alive to this present moment. As long as I'm wishing and hoping for life to be different than it is, it's gonna hurt, and sometime badly! I don't want to be the one hurting myself. It's bad enough my ex did his share, so I don't want to add to it. This isn't easy and it takes time, sometimes lots of time, for the heart to heal. And truly, truly, it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Hang in there everybody! Good luck!
ScienceGal Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 If you have any contact cut it off immediately. Check out this post too:http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t290773/ I am pushing through month two and I am pissed off right now! grr!!! Point is, letting go happens differently for everyone and at their own time. I feel like I am on a hamster wheel and am cycling and re-cycling through emotions, but I know I will see the end eventually. Just do whatever you can to better yourself and be happy. And smile! Even if you don't want to
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