JJJJKKKKJJJJ Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 This is a very difficult setting, and I'm looking for some guidance here. My ex and I have been separated for a about 2 months now. The two months have been filled with tears and sorry, hurt feelings and the like between the both of us...all the time. We try to go "no contact" but one of us always breaks it. He's not coming back, and he made that obviously clear. We are trying the whole "friends" things, and we're friends on facebook...but haven't spoken to one another in a about a week. Whenever I see his status update on my newsfeed, it sends a cold shiver throughout my body and my stomach still knots up. Obviously I am not over our relationship and am trying to win him back...for some odd reason. However, he's not coming back. At least not now. My question is, how do I ask him to disappear? My question is, I want him to ignore me...so that I can move on. We were dating for about 2 years, we were eachother's bestfriends, and now we're causing eachother too much heart ache...I want him to make his facebook page private so that only friends can view it so that I do not obsess over it. It's a very demanding request and I'm a champion of free will, he refuses to take down pictures of us, but has removed the subcaption "the other half" on all my pictures; it's time to move on.... Guidance, please?
mr.goodguy Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 The only thing you can ask him is to give you space. He may agree or not. If he doesn't then you must ignore all communication and not reciprocate the conversation. As for Facebook...delete him NOW. His privacy settings are his own personal choice. I know it takes a lot to not check out his page, but you need to be strong from within. If you cannot delete him from facebook out of fear, then you are holding yourself hostage. Untag yourself from all facebook photos. What I did in the past was delete my ex and then deactivated my account for a period of time. Don't worry, it'll get easier with time
onlyafool Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 My question is, how do I ask him to disappear? My question is, I want him to ignore me...so that I can move on. We were dating for about 2 years, we were each other's bestfriends, and now we're causing eachother too much heart ache...I want him to make his facebook page private so that only friends can view it so that I do not obsess over it. I understand. You're weak now, because of the breakup, so it would be easier if he did all of this for you. Remove you from FB. Ignore you. Disappear from you. Here's the rub.... these are all things you can't control in him. You can't make him do anything. I have some good news for you though. YOU can do all of these things! You can remove him from FB. You can ignore him. You can disappear from his life. I know it's hard, but you must do this...or you'll never get better. When you start focusing your thoughts toward controlling someone else, you do the complete opposite AND you lose control of yourself in the process.
D-Lish Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 The first thing I did when my ex broke up with me is delete him from FB- I did it as soon as I walked in the door- just went straight to my computer, deleted him and changed my relationship status to single. If you need to move forward, you should be taking the initiative to do these things, because each little step you take brings you a bit of power. Don't ask him to ignore you- tell him you think it's best that you guys don't have contact, that you need that to heal. It's hard, but not knowing is so much harder than knowing and seeing his life up on facebook. I'd also take down any pics you have of the two of you. I made my gf go through my phone and remove every picture I had of him on my phone because it hurt too much for me to see his pictures. It's tough to do- but it's a good start to your healing process.
bonpaw2008 Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 You know what you need to do. This is not about him leaving you alone, this is about you going NC for your own good. My ex did not leave me alone, so I had to take matters into my own hands. I deleted and blocked his FB (for my own sanity so I didn't see him on my other friend's pages) and actually had to block him from my phone when he did not respect my wishes to give me space. If there is nothing more to talk about then you need to not talk to him. Maybe one day you can go back to being friends but right now you need to heal. Keep reading as many things as you can on this forum and stay strong. Good luck
perpetual_illusion Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 Don't delete his FB, block it. That way he can't see you and, more importantly, you can't see him.
sun_moon Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 Ok so Facebook is way too over rated, just delete him and deactivate for a while, you will be glad you did. Everyone has been right on point on what they have said. Its up to you to take this sound advice and make your healing easier, or you can continue on this grey path of more pain and breadcrumbs. The only thing for sure, is what you said he said, he doesn't want to reconcile, so NC is up to you not him. The future is in your hands, so take hold of it and build your strength starting today.
thelovingkind Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 I think it's better to do this without involving him. Not just for pride, but because the NC process is about taking control of your own well-being and becoming stronger and self-reliant. A big part of that is learning to face up to and overcome temptation and weakness on your own. Of course, friends, loveshackers, etc. will support you and guide you but in the end you cannot rely on your ex keeping himself out of your life. You've got to do that.
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