Author spiderowl Posted August 2, 2011 Author Posted August 2, 2011 Thanks for your encouraging comments, Zaphod, I really need them tonight. Don't blame yourself either. I'm sure you wouldn't have messed up. You sound a decent guy. I've moved on from last night, realised we were at cross purposes, but it's still disappointing. We've been exchanging messages for months, although I never really paid much attention earlier as his messages were so minimal and hard to answer, just sort of 'hello, how are you, what have you been up to'. They remained minimal really, which was part of the problem. Where do you go with mini messages like that? What little he said was flirting. But he did become quite gentlemanly for a while but it didn't last. All along, I felt the messages were too short, he didn't seem eager to talk on the phone again after doing so once, though kept in touch by text, and turned everything into gentle flirting rather than a real conversation. Oh I give up!
Author spiderowl Posted August 2, 2011 Author Posted August 2, 2011 but that begs the question, why did you get so prematurely attached to him? I don't know that attached is the right word, but I guess because he did seem decent at one point and he'd stuck with me for weeks, despite my initial lack of interest and minimal responses. I was starting to think maybe he was genuine and something could come of this. That has been the pattern with guys who I have developed a relationship with, they have stuck with me, despite my questioning, and made an effort to be respectful. He did avoid questions like 'what are you looking for?' though and was vague, saying he didn't know. I don't expect a guy to know exactly, but at least to know that if we got on well, he'd be looking for more than a f**k.
Professor X Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 I don't know that attached is the right word, but I guess because he did seem decent at one point and he'd stuck with me for weeks, despite my initial lack of interest and minimal responses. I was starting to think maybe he was genuine and something could come of this. That has been the pattern with guys who I have developed a relationship with, they have stuck with me, despite my questioning, and made an effort to be respectful. He did avoid questions like 'what are you looking for?' though and was vague, saying he didn't know. I don't expect a guy to know exactly, but at least to know that if we got on well, he'd be looking for more than a f**k. So there you go: the red flags were there, but I guess you simply missed them. I don't think you should be angry at guys from the get go, but you do need to, how to say, open your eyes a bit, realize many men do seek only sex (and many seek a RS too!) and that there's no need to be pissed at them or whatever, just tell them "I don't think we're right for each other" and move on to the next one. Remember, via online dating you are getting A LOT of offers, a lot of men showing at your doorstep, so you need to show a lot of patience while you sort out the weed - just don't get frustrated in the process, because it can take a while!
D-Lish Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 For D-Lish, yes he did try to talk sex but was tactful and amusing when I made it clear I wasn't into that. It turned into some nice exchanges and only mild flirting, but always hints of physical fun. It was the fact that he seemed to turn the conversation to that the whole time, and didn't seem interested in me as a person, that put my back up. I'm so pissed off with guys. Did he think I was just going to meet him to hook up? What am I supposed to have done wrong? I'm looking for a real relationship not a fling. There is nothing on my profile to indicate whatsover that I'm looking for an unemotional, unattached hook up. Where do these guys come from who assume I'll go along with their plans? I'm disappointed because this guy is quite senior in a caring profession (laughable!) and stupid me thought he might be different from the other internet creeps! And Nexus One, you actually sound like a gent! That's the way I'd have expected him to respond, but in the end he just got angry and sarcastic. Good thing we didn't meet. In a nutshell, yes, he did think that. Your instincts were right from the beginning. You did nothing to insult him- he's a jackass. I have on my profile that I'm not interested in one night stands or hook ups- I still get those requests regardless. You filter people out by continuing to do what you're doing- chatting for a while first and feeling out what they are looking for. If a guy talks sexually in any way before meeting you, it's a red flag. My ex used to be flirty before we met as well- but he's say things like "you look so pretty in your pictures"... That kind of flirting is fine, but anything sexual when you haven't even met someone is a red flag! AT least you know you're instincts are bang on... Keep trusting them!
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