Star Gazer Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 There are different ways to convey a rejection so that the other person gets the message, while still staying respectful and tactful. It graces a person when he/she is able to stay respectful and tactful even in the case of a rejection. There's no need to pull the rug from under someone's feet and crush their self esteem or to imply that they're worthless to you. I agree. But that's not the point. The OP said this girl rejected him by saying she'd let him know because she might be busy cleaning. He called it a lame excuse, and said he'd rather be told, "I made plans already." All I am saying is that, IMO, telling someone you can't go out with them because you're cleaning (which is a huge sign that she's not interested, let's all be honest here) is pretty direct, and in the long run, a lot nicer than telling someone you already have plans, and thus leaving the door open for further invitations and rejections until he finally "gets it" (if he ever does). I'd rather save him the embarrassment of repeatedly asking and turning him down. That said, I am usually straight up with guys who ask me out. I tell them I don't feel a romantic spark, or that I'm already seeing someone, and while not yet exclusive, want to see how that pans out without getting involved with anyone else in the interim.
phineas Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 After 2-3 times you'd stop. That's my point. With just ONE "I'd rather clean," you wouldn't ask again. Like I said, after flaking she wouldn't of even gotten a chance to use the cleaning excuse. If they flake with a txt I don't even respond to them & guess what? I usually never hear from them again. Win/win in my book!
Zaphod B Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 I had a nice first date with a guy I had felt kind of 'meh' about, but I thought perhaps if I got to know him more there would be something there. So I confirmed plans with him for a second date. I had been asked out by my now-BF in the interim, so I contacted the first guy and cancelled the date, saying I met someone else who I was more interested in, when I hadn't even met him yet. It was a convenient excuse. If I hadn't 'met' someone else I probably would've used that as an excuse anyway. It's easy. 'Cleaning' and other, similar excuses are lame, but like others have said, it's at least a pretty clear rejection. This is quite alright in my books. At least it's a clear rejection. Unless the guy is a jerk, he'll accept that fact and move on. I'd much rather have a woman use a made up reason for no longer seeing me than lame excuses.
Author aj22one Posted August 2, 2011 Author Posted August 2, 2011 Since, "obviously no one is going to say I'm not interested in you," telling you that she'd rather clean than go out with you is a pretty clear rejection, right? After that, you're certainly not going to try again, right? But if she had said, "I have plans already," it's very possible you would try again, right? Probably not. I went against my instincts on this one and contacted her the second time. Usually when a girl flakes the first time I don't deal with her anymore. Time to go back to that strategy. I dunno. I think she took the smart way out of it. You're just offended that she didn't give you an even lamer excuse that really would insult your intelligence. Nah, I just wonder what goes through the minds of women when they come up with this crap. I mean how would my friends react if I told them I couldn't hang out with them this week because I was doing my laundry? One thing's for sure, I won't be meeting women through mutual friends again. At least not those friends.
Author aj22one Posted August 2, 2011 Author Posted August 2, 2011 Like I said, after flaking she wouldn't of even gotten a chance to use the cleaning excuse. If they flake with a txt I don't even respond to them & guess what? I usually never hear from them again. Win/win in my book! Yeah that's what I usually do. This time I gave her a second chance since I figured she was cool with some of my friends she might have been honest. Won't be happening again that's for sure.
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