so gutted Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 I have met a man that I like. He is my ideal. However it seems hard to accept that I have met a decent guy (that ticks all of my boxes). I have had an allergic reaction. Before we met he said it would be nice to go away one weekend. We have been speaking a lot (by text and email and a 3.5 hour date). He has asked me to decide on the location etc. He says this will bring us closer together mentally and physically. My issue is we have not kissed and I am scared that (a) we may not be able to get along in each others company for such a long period of time (b) I may not feel turned on © I am unable to enjoy sex because I have never been in a real intimate DATING experience. I feel that this kind of opportunity should not be missed. He has picked up on my bad vibes and thinks I am weird. He has backed of. What do i do?
iJester Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 If you don't want to sleep with him, stop wasting both of your time and just stop calling him.
Hot Chick Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 If you are not ready to sleep with him, that does not make you weird. I would tell him this before the trip, that you expect to have separate rooms if you are to go with him on the trip. That way, if he does back out, you know he was expecting sex and was just in it for that. Good way to weed him out, actually.
Author so gutted Posted August 1, 2011 Author Posted August 1, 2011 If you are not ready to sleep with him, that does not make you weird. I would tell him this before the trip, that you expect to have separate rooms if you are to go with him on the trip. That way, if he does back out, you know he was expecting sex and was just in it for that. Good way to weed him out, actually. He has mad ecomments about my body etc so its obvious that he wants sex. I think I want to "seal the deal". I am just scared because I think he will realize that I am tight and not open enough. It may be a bad experience. Its very difficult moving from one stage to the next. He has mentioned a future etc.
rafallus Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 He says this will bring us closer together mentally and physically. My issue is we have not kissed and I am scared that (a) we may not be able to get along in each others company for such a long period of time (b) I may not feel turned on © I am unable to enjoy sex because I have never been in a real intimate DATING experience.If he plays his cards right, and takes time to make you aroused, you will not have problem with any of that. If not, well, it will be awkward.
Professor X Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 He has mad ecomments about my body etc so its obvious that he wants sex. I think I want to "seal the deal". I am just scared because I think he will realize that I am tight and not open enough. It may be a bad experience. Its very difficult moving from one stage to the next. He has mentioned a future etc. So you have never kissed, been on 1 date and he is already talking about a future and plans a weekend all alone. And this guy "ticked all your boxes" ? And you want to "seal the deal" ? And you're afraid of being to tight? How long did you know each other prior to this? And at any rate it smells like a troll post.
Author so gutted Posted August 1, 2011 Author Posted August 1, 2011 If he plays his cards right, and takes time to make you aroused, you will not have problem with any of that. If not, well, it will be awkward. The way I see it, even if we have 3 more dates we will still have to cross this bridge. How do I loosen up?
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 Well ... He was "suggesting" the weekend away before you even met. You have met ONE TIME. He is "backing off" because you seem indecisive about sleeping together the SECOND time you meet. I think you are feeling like you are not ready to sleep with him yet. HONOR THOSE FEELINGS, or else you will almost certainly be unhappy about ignoring them. Why haven't you spent more time together in person, anyway? People certainly need to get to know one another for a while before they commit to spending a whole weekend alone together, I believe, sex or no sex. But I am getting the feeling that he is pressuring you somewhat, and I don't think that bodes well. If this relationship is REALLY going to be something enduring and special, he WILL be willing to spend real time with you within your comfort zone. Since you seem to have a problem about having sex in general, he should be aware and accepting of this in advance of finding himself in bed with you in a motel somewhere, also.
Author so gutted Posted August 1, 2011 Author Posted August 1, 2011 So you have never kissed, been on 1 date and he is already talking about a future and plans a weekend all alone. And this guy "ticked all your boxes" ? And you want to "seal the deal" ? And you're afraid of being to tight? How long did you know each other prior to this? And at any rate it smells like a troll post. It is real. We spoke for about a week, continously. We have known each other 1 week. Been on 1 date. It is possible to speak to someone a lot in a short space of time. We have not kissed, so I do not know if he will turn me on. This is driving me mad. If I do not go to this, he will walk.
FitChick Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 It is real. We spoke for about a week, continously. We have known each other 1 week. Been on 1 date. It is possible to speak to someone a lot in a short space of time. We have not kissed, so I do not know if he will turn me on. This is driving me mad. If I do not go to this, he will walk. If he likes you, he will understand your hesitance and be willing to wait a least a few more dates. Talking about a future together and pressuring you into a weekend away immediately are two big red flags. Don't be a fool. How many threads have there been on here by women who have slept with men and then complained they wouldn't commit? Don't be the next. You can't be that desperate.
Professor X Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 It is real. We spoke for about a week, continously. We have known each other 1 week. Been on 1 date. It is possible to speak to someone a lot in a short space of time. We have not kissed, so I do not know if he will turn me on. This is driving me mad. If I do not go to this, he will walk. You can talk a lot in 1 week, true, but you can't get to know someone, not even as close as to "he is my ideal". And so what if he walks away? are you that needy? Are you so desperate for a man you've met only a week ago? If so, by all means, he wants a future with you after a week and you desperately want to seal the deal. Use lubrication, should help with the tightness. GL.
Author so gutted Posted August 1, 2011 Author Posted August 1, 2011 You can talk a lot in 1 week, true, but you can't get to know someone, not even as close as to "he is my ideal". And so what if he walks away? are you that needy? Are you so desperate for a man you've met only a week ago? If so, by all means, he wants a future with you after a week and you desperately want to seal the deal. Use lubrication, should help with the tightness. GL. I am needy and he is too (was) so it seems we may both need each other. Also I lied about the age difference. I am 5 years older (not 2). Should I mention this before we go away?
sm1tten Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 This sounds like a terrible idea, really, and a big bucket of issues. You're going away for a weekend with a man who you have not kissed in order to have sex that you're essentially afraid won't be good, yet you're also afraid that if you don't have sex with him, he'll walk away? Did I get that right? I don't even know what to tell you. I wouldn't be contemplating going away on a weekend with a stranger I haven't even kissed yet, frankly.
Star Gazer Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 It is real. We spoke for about a week, continously. We have known each other 1 week. Been on 1 date. It is possible to speak to someone a lot in a short space of time. We have not kissed, so I do not know if he will turn me on. This is driving me mad. If I do not go to this, he will walk. If I were in your shoes, I would not go on this trip. He is rushing it, unnecessarily, and it sounds like you feel pressured.
Author so gutted Posted August 1, 2011 Author Posted August 1, 2011 This sounds like a terrible idea, really, and a big bucket of issues. You're going away for a weekend with a man who you have not kissed in order to have sex that you're essentially afraid won't be good, yet you're also afraid that if you don't have sex with him, he'll walk away? Did I get that right? I don't even know what to tell you. I wouldn't be contemplating going away on a weekend with a stranger I haven't even kissed yet, frankly. thanks. This is correct. To be fair I do not think the trip is just about sex, but it feels wrong.
Professor X Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 I am needy and he is too (was) so it seems we may both need each other. Also I lied about the age difference. I am 5 years older (not 2). Should I mention this before we go away? Yes, you should tell him the truth; What the point starting a RS with a lie? I hope you know there's a huge chance he's just playing with you; You won't be the first girl who heard something like "I wanna be with you forever" , "You're my soulmate", "I wanna marry you and make babies with you", "I LOVE YOU" just to have sex with. Do post here after you're back from that vacation, tell us if it really was all roses and petals as you thought it would be. -Yes, I am being extremely skeptic here, you are an extremely easy woman to manipulate.
SillyS Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 Are you in America? Seriously, that sounds very scary to me, I watch too much criminal minds to trust that lol. I would never consider doing that with a guy if I didn't know him for at least 4 months or so. As for the intimacy part, its generally better when you really care about the guy and the guy means something to you other than he appears to be all the boxes checked. Its too soon, imo. Its pretty obvious from what you are saying that you should probably wait a bit, if he is as good as you think he is, he will have no problems waiting for you because he will know you are worth it. I'm not saying years, but perhaps a few more dates and perhaps spending an afternoon together before running off for the weekend is the right pace in the beginning. Get your feet wet, don't jump head first like my mother always says!
Author so gutted Posted August 1, 2011 Author Posted August 1, 2011 Yes, you should tell him the truth; What the point starting a RS with a lie? I hope you know there's a huge chance he's just playing with you; You won't be the first girl who heard something like "I wanna be with you forever" , "You're my soulmate", "I wanna marry you and make babies with you", "I LOVE YOU" just to have sex with. Do post here after you're back from that vacation, tell us if it really was all roses and petals as you thought it would be. -Yes, I am being extremely skeptic here, you are an extremely easy woman to manipulate. Why do they ALL say they want to get married and have kids, it provides stability etc? I know other women that have slept with the man straightaway and he has stayed with them.
FitChick Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 Also I lied about the age difference. I am 5 years older (not 2). Should I mention this before we go away? No. You probably won't see him again and he will have one more piece of information about you that he might use later on (selling it for identity theft possibly). Age is irrelevant unless you are underage or too old to have kids when someone wants them.
Professor X Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 Why do they ALL say they want to get married and have kids, it provides stability etc? I know other women that have slept with the man straightaway and he has stayed with them. Sleeping straight away isn't the issue, for me the red flags are the fact that after less than a week of knowing each other you already plan a full weekend together which you know he will want sex - which you are not comfortable with. Also, he was talking about a future with you AFTER A WEEK. Sounds like a sneaky snake to me. And besides, like everyone else here say, if he's the right guy for you, he'll wait, if you won't give him sex, it's his lose. You don't pressure a woman into sex, you seduce her (which he clearly doesn't do).
Author so gutted Posted August 1, 2011 Author Posted August 1, 2011 Sleeping straight away isn't the issue, for me the red flags are the fact that after less than a week of knowing each other you already plan a full weekend together which you know he will want sex - which you are not comfortable with. Also, he was talking about a future with you AFTER A WEEK. Sounds like a sneaky snake to me. And besides, like everyone else here say, if he's the right guy for you, he'll wait, if you won't give him sex, it's his lose. You don't pressure a woman into sex, you seduce her (which he clearly doesn't do). Yes - I guess I am a dreamer.
JHS Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 If you are not ready to sleep with him, that does not make you weird. I would tell him this before the trip, that you expect to have separate rooms if you are to go with him on the trip. That way, if he does back out, you know he was expecting sex and was just in it for that. Good way to weed him out, actually. I completely agree. I took a girl to the shore once and got a hotel with her because I think it was getting really late. I don't recall the exact circumstances - I think it was a sold out hotel but we got one room. I slept on the floor and didn't give it a second thought. She was very appreciative of my respect for her and her space. We dated for a while after that. A weekend away does not mean sex for sure. I think you should just express your thoughts - that if you're going somewhere you want it to be understood about separate rooms or beds so that you're clear. Your distance is just the awkward feeling you have by not being forthright but you absolutely have no reason to feel uncomfortable about establishing some boundaries in advance. And how do you know he will respect these boundaries anyway? Be careful.
Calif_hope Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 Look you have not been in very much close proximity to him......you really don't know him.....one date with first date best behaivor does not tell you much, unless he his overtly an ass. Remember this also, how many dates prior to having sex is up to you, no rule, no standard, its up to you, and if he is not willing to wait until he is ready then he is not worth it. Pick a location, make it clear to him that you are reserving TWO ROOMS, no sharing, no cost cutting, TWO ROOMS. Spend the day getting to know each other, see how he acts in different situations......see if any magic in his kiss. He should not expect sex from the trip nor are you obligated to have sex with him......only if it feels right....but my advice is save that experience for later.....
thatone Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 Why do they ALL say they want to get married and have kids, it provides stability etc? I know other women that have slept with the man straightaway and he has stayed with them. it's possible if you have loads of other things in common and no other decent prospects so you're both obviously content to invest time in this person only. that will come out in the first few dates typically as people talk about their prior dates/relationships, especially if the two people in question know each other beforehand and know they aren't lying to each other about those previous dates/relationships. in that case, yeah, sometimes. but absent that scenario, i'm typically prepared to wait two weeks to a month depending on how many dates per week there are. even though i have no problem with sooner, women usually do.
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 I thought you seemed familiar ... I have responded to your posts before. It seems that you have a recurring history of date rape. Under no circumstances is it appropriate for you to go for a weekend with this man at this stage. What exactly "ticks your boxes" about him? I don't think you really know each other. Don't put yourself in a terrible situation that you've put yourself in before. Multiple times.
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