allmixedup311 Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 (edited) I met a guy in March. He and I connected well immediately. We talked for 8 hours the first time we hung out. I felt safe with him and like I trusted him completely. There were many red flags though. First of all he has a string of bad relationships in which he portrays himself as a victim. He bad mouthed his exes. I just felt sorry for him and I didn't plan on he and I having a relationship anyway. He seemed so sensative and sincere. Things moved so fast and we seemed so perfect for each other. After four months, we started talking about moving in together. I don't know if I had a real intuition about something, or if I was just scared bc of my emotional baggage and trust issues from my last relationship, but one night he left his phone at my house and I snooped through his email. I know it's wrong and I feel horrible for it. Subconsciously I either felt something was off, or I was looking for a reason to slow things down. Anyway, i found some suspicious stuff. I freaked out about it. It turns out that maybe it was something/one he was involved w/ before me. Either way, at this point I have decided that I trust him and believe him. But during the initial fallout, he was furious that I went thru his emails (understandably so) and I wrote him a long email telling him how disgusted i was about what I found and pretty much just went on and on about how I feel like he's a manipulative liar, ect. ect. Well, he ended up blowing up on me. I was almost ready to reconcile and give it another try as he was willing to forgive me for snooping and I decided to believe what he told me. My major concern is that I am blinded by love and may not be seeing signs of potential abuse bc when he blew up he said HORRIBLE things to me. He said i was pathetic, to get a life, cry to someone else, go back to my ex who is stupid enough to still want me, F*ck off (repeatedly), that he'd make me regret it if I contacted him again, and saying he's done with me and my delusional world and I have serious issues that I can't even begin to fathom and just had a general condenscending tone to his emails. When we talked in person I felt like he was belittling me by telling me that I am so screwed up I can't even see the obvious (that of course HE can see) ect. ect. I know he's come from a background of an abusive family so I am worried that if I get back with him, he might blow up on me like this again. Doesn't that seem extreme, like verbal abuse? Also, when we broke up completely, me insisted that I bring to him every single little thing that he ever GAVE me back. Completely insignificant things. Then he texted me to tell me to have a nice f*cking life and to leave him alone bc he doesn't love me or have any feelings left for me at all anymore and then kept sending me text after I quit replying telling me that if I love him and want him it's up to me to fix this. Is it worth it? Edited August 1, 2011 by allmixedup311
Jake99 Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 I met a guy in March. He and I connected well immediately. We talked for 8 hours the first time we hung out. I felt safe with him and like I trusted him completely. There were many red flags though. First of all he has a string of bad relationships in which he portrays himself as a victim. He bad mouthed his exes. I just felt sorry for him and I didn't plan on he and I having a relationship anyway. He seemed so sensative and sincere. Things moved so fast and we seemed so perfect for each other. After four months, we started talking about moving in together. I don't know if I had a real intuition about something, or if I was just scared bc of my emotional baggage and trust issues from my last relationship, but one night he left his phone at my house and I snooped through his email. I know it's wrong and I feel horrible for it. Subconsciously I either felt something was off, or I was looking for a reason to slow things down. Anyway, i found some suspicious stuff. I freaked out about it. It turns out that maybe it was something/one he was involved w/ before me. Either way, at this point I have decided that I trust him and believe him. But during the initial fallout, he was furious that I went thru his emails (understandably so) and I wrote him a long email telling him how disgusted i was about what I found and pretty much just went on and on about how I feel like he's a manipulative liar, ect. ect. Well, he ended up blowing up on me. I was almost ready to reconcile and give it another try as he was willing to forgive me for snooping and I decided to believe what he told me. My major concern is that I am blinded by love and may not be seeing signs of potential abuse bc when he blew up he said HORRIBLE things to me. He said i was pathetic, to get a life, cry to someone else, go back to my ex who is stupid enough to still want me, F*ck off (repeatedly), that he'd make me regret it if I contacted him again, and saying he's done with me and my delusional world and I have serious issues that I can't even begin to fathom and just had a general condenscending tone to his emails. When we talked in person I felt like he was belittling me by telling me that I am so screwed up I can't even see the obvious (that of course HE can see) ect. ect. I know he's come from a background of an abusive family so I am worried that if I get back with him, he might blow up on me like this again. Doesn't that seem extreme, like verbal abuse? Also, when we broke up completely, me insisted that I bring to him every single little thing that he ever GAVE me back. Completely insignificant things. Then he texted me to tell me to have a nice f*cking life and to leave him alone bc he doesn't love me or have any feelings left for me at all anymore and then kept sending me text after I quit replying telling me that if I love him and want him it's up to me to fix this. Is it worth it? Holy! thats so similar to my situation except for spying on emails. I was informed through others that my ex a few guy friends yet claims to this day to love me. She wants to be with me wbut can't because she has to deal with her past. lol, I say its guys in her life that she has on strings and loves it. Red flags my friend, it's only worth it if you can look at yourself in the mirror and honestly say you love that person and you both can get over the hurdles of the past. I love my ex and I know that she loves me but her past is always in the way and I can't and won't be a doormat. Many her will say that's being a plan B, but the reality is I'm Plan A but she can't get to me. Be you and enjoy life because it`s too short to waste time on BS!!
Forever Learning Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 I met a guy in March. He and I connected well immediately. We talked for 8 hours the first time we hung out. I felt safe with him and like I trusted him completely. There were many red flags though. First of all he has a string of bad relationships in which he portrays himself as a victim. He bad mouthed his exes. I just felt sorry for him and I didn't plan on he and I having a relationship anyway. He seemed so sensative and sincere. Things moved so fast and we seemed so perfect for each other. After four months, we started talking about moving in together. I don't know if I had a real intuition about something, or if I was just scared bc of my emotional baggage and trust issues from my last relationship, but one night he left his phone at my house and I snooped through his email. I know it's wrong and I feel horrible for it. Subconsciously I either felt something was off, or I was looking for a reason to slow things down. Anyway, i found some suspicious stuff. I freaked out about it. It turns out that maybe it was something/one he was involved w/ before me. Either way, at this point I have decided that I trust him and believe him. But during the initial fallout, he was furious that I went thru his emails (understandably so) and I wrote him a long email telling him how disgusted i was about what I found and pretty much just went on and on about how I feel like he's a manipulative liar, ect. ect. Well, he ended up blowing up on me. I was almost ready to reconcile and give it another try as he was willing to forgive me for snooping and I decided to believe what he told me. My major concern is that I am blinded by love and may not be seeing signs of potential abuse bc when he blew up he said HORRIBLE things to me. He said i was pathetic, to get a life, cry to someone else, go back to my ex who is stupid enough to still want me, F*ck off (repeatedly), that he'd make me regret it if I contacted him again, and saying he's done with me and my delusional world and I have serious issues that I can't even begin to fathom and just had a general condenscending tone to his emails. When we talked in person I felt like he was belittling me by telling me that I am so screwed up I can't even see the obvious (that of course HE can see) ect. ect. I know he's come from a background of an abusive family so I am worried that if I get back with him, he might blow up on me like this again. Doesn't that seem extreme, like verbal abuse? Also, when we broke up completely, me insisted that I bring to him every single little thing that he ever GAVE me back. Completely insignificant things. Then he texted me to tell me to have a nice f*cking life and to leave him alone bc he doesn't love me or have any feelings left for me at all anymore and then kept sending me text after I quit replying telling me that if I love him and want him it's up to me to fix this. Is it worth it? Is it worth it? Hell NO his sorry abusive ass isn't worth it! Yes, he is a classic emotional/ verbal abuser. And a bully. He is manipulating you and the abuse will only get worse. It's his way of life in a relationship. He never takes blame nor responsibility, he blames his ex's (and now you), which is classic of an abusive mentality. You need to educate yourself about emotional abuse. Try this site for starters, read all you can about having boundaries and different forms of abuse : http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/ go no contact on him to be free of this douche http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t84894/ you can do it! yes you can! good luck and keep reading and posting around here for support
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