Desensitized Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 This is a highly complicated and painful subject for some. It has nothing to do with ego, however, in my opinion. I personally think it has to do with deep seated roles about men and women, marriage and sexuality and values. Not something that can be easily answered. I had a similar post regarding this.... Bottom line is this: the people that want to screw and bang every person they date/meet should be with those types of people. The people that actually acknowledge the specialness that sex brings should be with the people that find sex just as special. Something that is special won't be given to everyone, am I right?
Author DoS Posted August 1, 2011 Author Posted August 1, 2011 Now THIS is bad. I'd wager she wanted to bang other guys guilt free and you were in the way. Guys this is getting out of hand. Let me explain - First of all I only know of 6 guys she's had sex with and 3 of them were steady boyfriends at the time. I'm guessing there have been a couple more than that. I'm fairly sure that she did not have sex with anyone while we were apart for that month, and the reason she went out without me (the night we broke up) was to support her friend who wanted to go to a fraternity. I was invited to come with, I just didn't feel comfortable or welcome at that fraternity so I chose not to go.
reboot Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 Bottom line is this: the people that want to screw and bang every person they date/meet should be with those types of people. The people that actually acknowledge the specialness that sex brings should be with the people that find sex just as special. Something that is special won't be given to everyone, am I right? Now this I can't help but agree with.
April72 Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 there's no such thing as retroactive jealousy, look it up. Um..... where do you suggest I look it up. I have done a huge amount of research on the subject and there is alot of information on it. And everyone that suffers from it has the same almost exact same mind set. I'm not sure if it's recognized by the board of pyschology yet.... but it IS a very real thing.... maybe you should look it up.
Desensitized Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 there's no such thing as retroactive jealousy, look it up. Um..... where do you suggest I look it up. I have done a huge amount of research on the subject and there is alot of information on it. And everyone that suffers from it has the same almost exact same mind set. I'm not sure if it's recognized by the board of pyschology yet.... but it IS a very real thing.... maybe you should look it up. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t168643/
FitChick Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 Then I don't understand your particular definition of "morals". How many sexual partners can one have had and still be considered moral? 1, 3, 5? 3 is OK but 10 is too many? 10 is OK but 30 is too many? Seems really subjective to me. This reminds me of an episode of the old Mary Tyler Moore show. The consensus was 6. With new information about the girlfriend's mental problems, I think that is more of a problem than how many men she's slept with. I'd find someone who is less broken. Maybe refer to the "broken women" thread on the forum. You may be a man who wants to be a white knight and rescue damsels in distress to feel good about yourself. Bad pattern. You both need to google the Lefkoe Institute and maybe have a phone session or two.
April72 Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t168643/ Ok so because some randome person post their opnion on LS it makes it not real. Have you googled it or done in research on it outside of LS??? I'm a woman.... and I suffer from it bad. I have had professional counseling. I'm hetrosexual.... so what I'm not looking for a whore or a madonna. I'm looking for a man with some common sense. It is a real thing and the original OP could possibly get some real helpful advice by researching it. Not LS opnion but real research.
Untouchable_Fire Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 I've read all the previous posts, I appreciate everyone's input. The quoted one in particular is scaring me. She struggles with bulimia (and has been for 3 years). I don't know how serious it is, I know sometimes she gets very upset and I try to help talk her through it. I know she sees a psychiatrist about it and she also suffers from PTSD. Supposedly the PTSD is from her father being verbally abusive but she also was borderline raped once, and suspects it might also stem from that. She does not have substance abuse issues, but she does take depression medication and anti-psychotics. She does seem to have very few female friends (or friends in general), and once said "I used to have a really skewed view and think that I had to hook up with guys for them to like me." I don't think she has felt like that for a few years, and I thought maybe it stemmed from her eating disorder. As for exes, there's only one that she demonizes, the rest she seems okay with. I know in her past few relationships she was not promiscuous and was exclusive, but in one when she was younger that both people involved wanted to "hook up with other people on weekends." I know she also spends money more than I do, I wouldn't say it's too unreasonable though. I have known for awhile about her bulimia, PTSD and the medication she takes, and I have no problem with it. Occasionally she has breakdowns and gets really upset, but usually I try to console her and everything turns out ok.. Well, you've officially scared me now. What did he mean when he said that it is bad news? Please help.. Can you take a step back and see that she sounds like a total nutjob? These are the types of girls that sleep around a lot. Plus, do you really want to put up with her breadowns the rest of your life. F*** That! I've been there. I actually married this girl who had a huge past. I thought.... awesome she likes sex. Nope... from the day we said "I do" till the divorce we had sex like 4 times... in 2 years... You don't want this girl long term. You had better take steps not to really fall in love or you are completely screwed. I'm not worried about her becoming an addict or cheating on me, I feel that she has changed from her younger, more promiscuous self. However, she did break up with me once about 6 months ago over what seemed to me to be nothing. She was going to a party without me and I was concerned (the relationship was new [2 months]). Later that night she dumped me for "being controlling." A month later she asked me to get back together. More issues. I don't like how this girl sounds. I think she is going to really hurt you bad.
Desensitized Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 Ok so because some randome person post their opnion on LS it makes it not real. Have you googled it or done in research on it outside of LS??? I'm a woman.... and I suffer from it bad. I have had professional counseling. I'm hetrosexual.... so what I'm not looking for a whore or a madonna. I'm looking for a man with some common sense. It is a real thing and the original OP could possibly get some real helpful advice by researching it. Not LS opnion but real research. Here's some golden advice: Get over it or quit bitching about it. Seriously... look at you, you're going to counseling to get over your "retroactive jealousy" as you call it, but why? Is your significant other supporting you as you go to all these counseling sessions to get over something that isn't even YOUR problem? Why should YOU have to pay the consequences for something HE did? Why should he have a peace of mind while you're being torn apart over something he did? Listen, if you're having these issues, you don't love him unconditionally; that's your problem. If you loved him with everything you had in you, this wouldn't be a problem. I know, because I've been there. You may love him a lot, but certainly not unconditionally. I'm telling you, just let this man go... you're going to drive yourself absolutely crazy trying to get over this. I know of a couple people that were able to get over the problem you are having, but even then, they are not completely happy. They still think about their partner's past from time to time and they are married. Is that really what you want? To be married and still have these issues?
Desensitized Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 Can you take a step back and see that she sounds like a total nutjob? These are the types of girls that sleep around a lot. Plus, do you really want to put up with her breadowns the rest of your life. F*** That! I've been there. I actually married this girl who had a huge past. I thought.... awesome she likes sex. Nope... from the day we said "I do" till the divorce we had sex like 4 times... in 2 years... You don't want this girl long term. You had better take steps not to really fall in love or you are completely screwed. More issues. I don't like how this girl sounds. I think she is going to really hurt you bad. This really resonates with me... anyway, I don't think it's a matter of her hurting him, but more of him hurting himself because he's not thinking clearly. He's blinded by the infatuation, who hasn't been there? It's like playing with fire, it's fun... but when you actually get burned, then it hurts like a b***h.
sally4sara Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 It's nature to want someone "perfect"--someone untouched, someone you can be sure is just only yours and dedicated to you. No its not or men and women would be of equal size like other naturally monogamous mammals. Or if it was a natural want for only men to desire an untouched sex partner, men would be twice the size of women like other polygynous mammals. And in both cases we would only have sex for procreation instead of procreation and pleasure. Instead we exhibit a size disparity of 10 - 20% like other promiscuous mammals. The concept of having someone untouched and all to yourself is a cultural and societal teaching. It has nothing to do with nature or things natural to humans. Its the only child syndrome at its most irrational.
April72 Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 Here's some golden advice: Get over it or quit bitching about it. Seriously... look at you, you're going to counseling to get over your "retroactive jealousy" as you call it, but why? Is your significant other supporting you as you go to all these counseling sessions to get over something that isn't even YOUR problem? Why should YOU have to pay the consequences for something HE did? Why should he have a peace of mind while you're being torn apart over something he did? Listen, if you're having these issues, you don't love him unconditionally; that's your problem. If you loved him with everything you had in you, this wouldn't be a problem. I know, because I've been there. You may love him a lot, but certainly not unconditionally. I'm telling you, just let this man go... you're going to drive yourself absolutely crazy trying to get over this. I know of a couple people that were able to get over the problem you are having, but even then, they are not completely happy. They still think about their partner's past from time to time and they are married. Is that really what you want? To be married and still have these issues? Thank you for your empathy and understanding your awesome!!! Just out of curiosity has someone broke up with you over your past ??? You seem pretty bitter on the subject. Just curious. And your right I do need to get over it or move on. But that's not an easy decision to make.... and no one else can say how much I do or don't love the person I'm with.
shayla Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 (edited) People are allowed to have a life before you enter it. I realize that she is young, but her past is in her past. I read somewhere (probably here) that the reason so many guys wig out over this is that if a woman has experience, she is able to compare your sexual performance, and know if it is wack. And some men cannot handle that for self esteem reasons. What isn't thought of is that if this woman loves you, that is what is going to be foremost in her mind and not your size or your prowess (sp). And if she has had experiences that you haven't yet, so what? Okay, I have seen the mental health issues now....and impulse control and promiscuity can be part of these particular mental issues. Therapy, therapy therapy! My daughter has Borderline Personality Disorder, but has not acted out sexually in years, since she met her boyfriend now. And the therapy is what has helped her, along with medications for depression. Edited August 2, 2011 by shayla didn't see the mental health issues before posting
Desensitized Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 Thank you for your empathy and understanding your awesome!!! Just out of curiosity has someone broke up with you over your past ??? You seem pretty bitter on the subject. Just curious. And your right I do need to get over it or move on. But that's not an easy decision to make.... and no one else can say how much I do or don't love the person I'm with. Nope. I was the one that called things off with my ex-fiancee because she lied to me about her extensive sexual history; I simply couldn't get over it, anyway. So yeah, sorry if I seem kind of bitter, I just know what you're probably going through... Also, I know it's not easy to get over it or just move on, I was just giving you the same redundant advice I received when I was going through the issue you're going through. By the way, that advice is something no one wants to hear, but it's true. I used to hate having to hear that same advice over and over and over again
Tasha49 Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 The 10 people was my guess based on what I know - I know she had a boyfriend in highschool for 2 years and one at college for 1.5 years. I can think of 4 other guys I know she has had sex with. I know when she was younger she was a bit wilder and so my imagination is getting the best of me. So I guess it's fairer to say 6+. I know that she is at least STD/STI free, since she has been on birth control since she was 16 and in order to get the birth control pills she has to be tested. I am also STD/STI free. I know the past is the past and I shouldn't go digging for trouble, but trouble is coming to me. Hmm. Are you so sure? When I get my birth control all they test me for is pregnancy. No other test is required.
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