SingVoice Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 So I met this guy who was in town for work for a little over a week. He was really sweet and we ended up going out...and we ended up of course...hooking up. We spent a lot of time together while he was here, but I was just looking at it as a fling...and he actually had feelings for me. He was hurt one night when...after we messed around...that I took him back to his hotel instead of having him spend the night. But like I said...I really felt nothing for him in the beginning other than just a good time. So right around the time he was leaving...I realized how nicely he had treated me, and how romantic and just what a decent guy he was...and of course...I started having feelings too. When he left, he said "I want to talk to you...I want to see you again...I want to see where this goes." So the first week after he left...he called me...EVERY DAY. He was constantly telling me how much he missed me, and how he was so excited about what could happen, and that he thought meeting me was one of the best things to happen to him. During this time...I was really impressed by his consistency...and the fact that he DID make the effort to talk to me. He even drunk dialed me one night and was just like..."I had such a terrible day...you were the one person I wanted to talk to to make me feel better..." The last message I got from him was "I miss you like CRAZY!" I texted him about 3 times, and called and left a voicemail. And I didn't hear from him for 2 weeks!!!! So I just wrote it off that it was a fling and I just got played. He's coming back in town for a couple weeks at the end of August. Well lo and behold...I get a TEXT yesterday from him. Basically he was like "sorry I have been distant." Umm...distant?? You disappeared! And he really didn't have an excuse...something about being stressed..and he was like...I want to see you when I come back...blah blah. He said he felt bad, but I told him that apologizing over text really doesn't excuse disappearing for 2 weeks. I didn't really get the sense that he felt that bad...because I mean...wouldn't he have CALLED me?? Anyway...I guess I just wanted some feedback. I had written him off until he texted me. And I don't want to have more feelings and hold onto them til he gets here, have them expand if we spend time together, and then have to go through this all over again when he disappears. I did actually care about him...and the reality is that I actually will see him either way because he will be where I work. He never made me feel like a fling until he disappeared. But that's probably exactly what I was, right? Although I don't understand why he went to the trouble of trying to pursue something with me when I was ok with it just being a fling in the beginning. Thoughts?
Imajerk17 Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 (edited) I don't know what is it with you LS women and needy yentas... A guy who calls every night and who says that weepy emotional crap about having a horrible day and you're the person he has to talk to, a few weeks in, is NOT a decent guy. He is an emotional basketcase who will fall out as quickly as he has fallen in. This guy probably realized what he got himself into and freaked out and disappeared. Then he realizes that he might have left a good woman, so now he is back. Although he didn't have the courage to call. SingVoice, from your threads, you have gotten involved with an unemployed chode who mooched off you, another boyfriend who was abusive, and now this loser. Take responsibility for your bad choices! Edited August 1, 2011 by Imajerk17
Author SingVoice Posted August 1, 2011 Author Posted August 1, 2011 LOL Imajerk. Thanks for the reminder about my "yutz parade." Yeah I know this is bad. It was so funny because he started calling me "hun" again yesterday like nothing had happened. I was like...you COMPLETELY IGNORED ME for 2 weeks!!!! Umm...HELLO?!?!?! And in my defense...the last few guys I dated were totally UNEMOTIONAL so the fact that this guy was showing me emotion from the get go is really what drew me in. Of course, yeah...I realize now that what you said makes sense. What kind of a guy thinks he can ignore you for 2 weeks and then come back as if nothing happened? And I am cold for not just running back to him?? JEEZ
Lucky_One Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 What kind of guy? A guy who has a GF or wife and thinks that he is going to be in your area again for another booty call?
sm1tten Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 What kind of guy? A guy who has a GF or wife and thinks that he is going to be in your area again for another booty call? Mmhmm. Or, he was the kind of guy who wanted to possibly take it further, felt rejected by you, and then retaliated by going NC. Now he's back because he wants to tap that. Either way, I wouldn't touch this unless you truly just want another fling.
Author SingVoice Posted August 1, 2011 Author Posted August 1, 2011 Yeah I wasn't planning on hooking up with him again. Because it wouldn't be just a fling anymore. That's actually the part that just irks me. He wants to see me again so he can just f*** me and then disappear again. Even though he knows it wouldn't be just a fling for me anymore. Kind of cruel I think.
snug.bunny Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 When he left, he said "I want to talk to you...I want to see you again...I want to see where this goes." And, did he make an "effort" to see you again? No.... So the first week after he left...he called me...EVERY DAY. He was constantly telling me how much he missed me, and how he was so excited about what could happen, and that he thought meeting me was one of the best things to happen to him. During this time...I was really impressed by his consistency...and the fact that he DID make the effort to talk to me. He even drunk dialed me one night and was just like..."I had such a terrible day...you were the one person I wanted to talk to to make me feel better..." The last message I got from him was "I miss you like CRAZY!" Sure. He got you "hooked", by being consistent with the post coital contact. That means squat (sorry).
Author SingVoice Posted August 1, 2011 Author Posted August 1, 2011 It sounds that you started to fall for this guy because of the way he treated you and the fact that he showed a lot of interest. What is attractive about this man? That he shows interest? Is that enough? IF you consider the guy a fling why are you upset because he stopped calling? I would assume that after a while the communication would die down. That is the normal thing. Why do think think he played you? Is he married? Married men are very attentive to the ladies; more so than single men. Good point. It wasn't that he showed interest that made me "fall" for him...which I wouldn't really say I "fell" anyway. He wasn't physically my type at all, but he had a lot of great qualities. Good job, respectful of people, good morals, good conversationalist, had no problems communicating...etc. It wasn't because he "showed interest." I am very attractive, and I get plenty of interest often. Maybe I should clarify. I considered it a fling at first. But the last couple of days, he expressed that he had feelings for me and that he wanted to keep seeing me. I hadn't really given it a second thought because I knew he was leaving. We had a big talk about it...and we decided that we would keep seeing each other, and that we would keep talking, and see where it went. So when he left, it wasn't a fling anymore. It was a "thing." He said he wasn't married. I believe him. Who knows if he has a girlfriend or whatever. I didn't really peg him as the type, but then again I didn't peg him as a guy who would do this either.
Author SingVoice Posted August 1, 2011 Author Posted August 1, 2011 You women often have sex with men and then feel sorry about it. I suggest be more careful and don't have sex so soon. You even call it cruel. No one put a gun in your head to F**** this guy. Please be careful when you see him again. I didn't feel sorry about the sex. And I still don't. But all Im saying is that NOW I would feel bad about it because of what happened.
Imajerk17 Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 Good point. It wasn't that he showed interest that made me "fall" for him...which I wouldn't really say I "fell" anyway. He wasn't physically my type at all, but he had a lot of great qualities. Good job, respectful of people, good morals, good conversationalist, had no problems communicating...etc. It wasn't because he "showed interest." I am very attractive, and I get plenty of interest often. Maybe I should clarify. I considered it a fling at first. But the last couple of days, he expressed that he had feelings for me and that he wanted to keep seeing me. I hadn't really given it a second thought because I knew he was leaving. We had a big talk about it...and we decided that we would keep seeing each other, and that we would keep talking, and see where it went. So when he left, it wasn't a fling anymore. It was a "thing." He said he wasn't married. I believe him. Who knows if he has a girlfriend or whatever. I didn't really peg him as the type, but then again I didn't peg him as a guy who would do this either. How did you meet him, and if he wasn't "your type", what made you spend time with him?
Author SingVoice Posted August 1, 2011 Author Posted August 1, 2011 And, did he make an "effort" to see you again? No.... Sure. He got you "hooked", by being consistent with the post coital contact. That means squat (sorry). Well he is traveling for work until the beginning of September, so it actually wouldn't be possible for him to see me anyway. Except for when he comes back in August. He did talk about coming out here though as soon as his traveling is done. Of course he probably just said that.
Author SingVoice Posted August 1, 2011 Author Posted August 1, 2011 How did you meet him, and if he wasn't "your type", what made you spend time with him? I met him through work...(this is not the same work guy I hooked up with before haha). Physically I wasn't MOVED by him...but he just had a great personality. He was interesting and funny. I know this will sound bizarre...but I didn't feel like he was trying to hook up with me...I felt safe I guess. It was an odd feeling.
Mrlonelyone Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 ^ What he said. If you chose to fool with him use every precaution and don't get attached. Just assume you are an Other Woman. In fact tell this same thing to the people on the subforum relating to other men and other women. I'm sure half of the other women started out with a situation like you describe. Many have wasted years being a married mans side booty.
Author SingVoice Posted August 1, 2011 Author Posted August 1, 2011 OH CRAP. What if he IS married? Of course I wouldn't have seen any of the signs because I have never been involved with something like this. He mentioned that he had been engaged before but that it ended months ago. But what if that was a lie? He is 27 by the way. Ugh now I feel sick. I am NOT ok with being anyone's Other Woman. And I absolutely did "take precautions" by the way...as I always do.
Mrlonelyone Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 Well there is one way to find out. Do a background check. You know his name, date of birth, phone numbers addresses etc? There are a number of websites that, for a nominal fee, allow you to check someone's background. A free one is known as zabasearch.com. They link to a number of paid sites that can tell you much more. If you do this and I honestly suspect you will no matter how much anyone tells you it's a bad idea... Do it with your eyes open and don't believe any of his BS unless/until you have checked his background.
Imajerk17 Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 (edited) He might be married, but Barack Obama's daughters might grow up to vote Republican. Anyway, he being married is within the realm of possibility, but my money is on that he is not. No real reason to believe that he is, any more than any other guy you don't really know that is. The guy actually exhibited the classic pattern of someone who is emotionally immature--jumping in too quickly and then when he realizes what he had gotten himself into, running out. You need to get a better people-picker though. If you're so attractive as you say you are, how come you keep ending up with these losers. It's not bad luck, it's instead something on your end. There is something about your filters that has you overlooking the good guys, and connecting with and falling for the chumps. Edited August 1, 2011 by Imajerk17
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