tigressA Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 I may have another little dilemma on my hands. Things with BF have been going very well, and my life overall has been really looking up. I may be securing a FT job soon, and I have a new interest that is a resurrected adolescent dream and could possibly become somewhat lucrative for me. However, that interest is something I don't think BF is the happiest with: Modeling. I have meetings with 3 different photographers over the next 2 weeks, and there will be more. I've had several out-of-state referrals as well. I'm doing strictly 'TF' (time for) gigs to build a portfolio and experience, then I'm going to try getting some paid assignments. I'm very excited about all this, particularly as it's something I dreamed of doing when I was younger, but for various reasons wasn't able to. NOTE: I'm not expecting to have this be my bread and butter or be the next Tyra or Naomi; I am realistic. I have already talked to BF about this, and in particular one touchy subject: little to no clothing. I said that while I certainly will not have that be my main focus, I am open to that possibility under certain conditions, not in any particular order. 1. I feel it's in good taste and would strengthen my portfolio. 2. I have a positive rapport with the photographer. 3. I am able to bring an escort (presumably BF), and I will offer to have him come to any shoot that would include nudity. He's grateful that I'm so open about it with him but he still doesn't feel very comfortable. He caught glimpses of portfolios of some local photographers I would love working with and he said he isn't so sure about me doing this. He said if I did bring an escort it should probably be someone else as he isn't sure he could handle seeing it. I haven't told him this, but I'm a little upset he's reacted in this way. I do understand it's hard for people to separate work/art from life in these instances (like actors doing love scenes, etc), but at the same time I'm thinking...'Well, you wanted me to start doing things for myself, and now that I've found something I've wanted to do for years and am really excited about, you're not all that happy for me.' How to go about this?
Queen Zenobia Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 I think you need to give him some time to mull it over. I'm assuming you're not going straight into scantily clad/nude modeling right off the bat. So, let him have time to think about it, and if he's curious maybe let him come by to one of the more PG shoots so he can get used to it.
zengirl Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 It really depends on the guy. Your BF always sounds a little conservative to me, so I can see him not being totally cool with it. My BF would be fine with it so long as it was artistically done (but he's kind of artsy and very liberal, and we're both not really jealous people). That said, I don't think any of the reasons you've said are good reasons to go beyond a lingerie/bathing suit level of nudity (which surely is a bit more comfortable than real nudity for your BF). Why not see whether you can get anywhere with this first before causing real conflict in the relationship? Now, if you being shot in a bathing suit or a bra (honestly, being in a bathing suit is not much different from bra and underwear or lingerie, depending on the piece, and you can pick pieces that cover as much as a bathing suit) or whatever bothers him, that's a line I think is reasonable to debate. But for starting out, I'm not sure why you need nudes. I know lots of girls who don't have nudes in their portfolios and get modeling work (I actually used to model as a teen before they realized I wasn't going to get my final growth spurt, and I've kept in touch with a few of the girls that did get their spurts, most of whom are aging out of it today---26, so you really are kind of older to be starting). If an opportunity for professional work that requires nudity comes up later, that's one thing, but I'm not sure it's necessary for a starter-portfolio. Then again, the girls I know all started in their tweens. Maybe check around and SEE if it's necessary and that'd give you better reasons why. Your reasons sound odd to me even, and I don't care who you get naked in front of.
thatone Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 what would you think if he got the same job and the photographers were women?
snug.bunny Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 I may have another little dilemma on my hands. Things with BF have been going very well, and my life overall has been really looking up. I may be securing a FT job soon, and I have a new interest that is a resurrected adolescent dream and could possibly become somewhat lucrative for me. However, that interest is something I don't think BF is the happiest with: Modeling. I have meetings with 3 different photographers over the next 2 weeks, and there will be more. I've had several out-of-state referrals as well. I'm doing strictly 'TF' (time for) gigs to build a portfolio and experience, then I'm going to try getting some paid assignments. I'm very excited about all this, particularly as it's something I dreamed of doing when I was younger, but for various reasons wasn't able to. NOTE: I'm not expecting to have this be my bread and butter or be the next Tyra or Naomi; I am realistic. I have already talked to BF about this, and in particular one touchy subject: little to no clothing. I said that while I certainly will not have that be my main focus, I am open to that possibility under certain conditions, not in any particular order. 1. I feel it's in good taste and would strengthen my portfolio. 2. I have a positive rapport with the photographer. 3. I am able to bring an escort (presumably BF), and I will offer to have him come to any shoot that would include nudity. He's grateful that I'm so open about it with him but he still doesn't feel very comfortable. He caught glimpses of portfolios of some local photographers I would love working with and he said he isn't so sure about me doing this. He said if I did bring an escort it should probably be someone else as he isn't sure he could handle seeing it. I haven't told him this, but I'm a little upset he's reacted in this way. I do understand it's hard for people to separate work/art from life in these instances (like actors doing love scenes, etc), but at the same time I'm thinking...'Well, you wanted me to start doing things for myself, and now that I've found something I've wanted to do for years and am really excited about, you're not all that happy for me.' How to go about this? "Little to no clothing". Do potential models generally start out being photographed nude? Or, is it the other way around. Not sure... In any event, can't say I blame your boyfriend for not being comfortable with this particular type of modeling...If I recall, not to long ago, you became very upset with your boyfriend when he said "hypothetically" that he'd sell racy photos/videos of you, if offered a million dollars... Oh, how the tables have turned...
Author tigressA Posted August 1, 2011 Author Posted August 1, 2011 I think you need to give him some time to mull it over. I'm assuming you're not going straight into scantily clad/nude modeling right off the bat. So, let him have time to think about it, and if he's curious maybe let him come by to one of the more PG shoots so he can get used to it. Correct, as I said in my OP. I may never do nudes. It IS a possibility though, and that's what I said to BF. I said it was a possibility, not that I was definitely going to do it at some point. I do like the idea of it, as I have seen absolutely stunning examples of it and personally feel that yes, if I could create a beautiful, tasteful image that way I would want to have it in my portfolio as part of my experience. That's all the reason a model, aspiring or established, would need, IMO. Zengirl, you have a point about age. At 24, I am significantly older than many girls when they start out in this biz. It does seem to me like there are greater expectations for nudity when you're a late-starter, but if you start out with that then that's likely all you'll be asked to do, which isn't something I want. I don't see a problem with just one or two nudes in a starting portfolio though, especially if they are beautiful and tasteful. I think the best thing is to appear versatile, and not one-note. There are plenty of ways to do that without being naked, I know, but I'd rather have it be known outright that I am comfortable with being naked (under certain conditions) and can create art that way. I won't let myself be pushed into it, though. Maybe that's what BF is worried about--that I'll be pressured into doing something I'm not totally comfortable with. Thatone, I wouldn't mind, if he approached it in the same way I am with him--if he's open and honest with me about it and offers to have me accompany him. If he did all of it behind my back, I most certainly would not be happy.
EasyHeart Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 I don't understand what he's worried or upset about. Does he think you're going to jump some creepy photographer dude just because you're wearing a bikini? I was in a LTR with a model and her work was never an issue. It was a little more fun than my job in that she could show me some cool pictures whereas my work is pretty boring to outsiders, but that's about it. She never did any nude modeling, but she did a lot of swimwear catalogs and such and I never got jealous or upset about it. (My more typical reaction was, "Oooooo, did you get to keep that one? ) It's a job. I'd do it in a heartbeat if there was any demand to see me in skimpy outfits. (Which, frankly, I don't understand. But such are the vagaries of the consuming public.)
Queen Zenobia Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 If you can get a million dollars TA, I say to heck with what your bf says, do like Steve Miller and "take the money and run".
thatone Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 "Little to no clothing". Do potential models generally start out being photographed nude? Or, is it the other way around. Not sure... In any event, can't say I blame your boyfriend for not being comfortable with this particular type of modeling...If I recall, not to long ago, you became very upset with your boyfriend when he said "hypothetically" that he'd sell racy photos/videos of you, if offered a million dollars... Oh, how the tables have turned... haha, i had forgotten about that! maybe she could be less selfish and then she wouldn't have so many issues with boyfriends, just a thought.
carhill Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 IMO, if you've got 'it', meaning the camera loves you, you won't need to take any clothes off. If BF's reaction is consistent with his perspective regarding appearances and behaviors IRL (not the 'hypothetical'), then accept it as such. If other, clarify the dichotomy and resolve it. Hope things work out. Finding two jobs in this economy is laudable. Good luck.
thatone Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 i got a better idea, how about you tell your current boyfriend about how you got insanely mad at the ex boyfriend for having a hypothetical conversation about selling nude photos, and NOW you're talking about actually doing nude modeling, and you're mad at him for not agreeing with your every word. then see if he's ok with that level of hypocrisy and selfishness.
carhill Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 Crap, didn't even realize she'd already moved on to another guy Gettin' old...
Author tigressA Posted August 1, 2011 Author Posted August 1, 2011 (edited) "Little to no clothing". Do potential models generally start out being photographed nude? Or, is it the other way around. Not sure... In any event, can't say I blame your boyfriend for not being comfortable with this particular type of modeling...If I recall, not to long ago, you became very upset with your boyfriend when he said "hypothetically" that he'd sell racy photos/videos of you, if offered a million dollars... Oh, how the tables have turned... Generally no, unless the model wants it that way. No model is required to ever do nude work. And about the 'tables turning'--that was about a sex tape and only about a sex tape. Not nude photos. I see a big difference between a posed, tasteful nude photo that I agreed to taking and a video of me engaging in sexual acts. I have no problem with nudity, but I see engaging in sex as something I wouldn't want to share with anyone outside my relationship. That is my personal view. If you want to call me a hypocrite, that's fine. This is the first and last time I am going to defend my viewpoint. Also for the last time, I never said I would DEFINITELY do nude modeling. I said it was a possibility and that it may never happen. And I am with the same guy, so please ignore thatone's post about 'current' and 'ex'. Edited August 1, 2011 by tigressA
snug.bunny Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 Generally no, unless the model wants it that way. No model is required to ever do nude work. And about the 'tables turning'--that was about a sex tape and only about a sex tape. Not nude photos. I see a big difference between a posed, tasteful nude photo that I agreed to taking and a video of me engaging in sexual acts. I have no problem with nudity, but I see engaging in sex as something I wouldn't want to share with anyone outside my relationship. That is my personal view. If you want to call me a hypocrite, that's fine. This is the first and last time I am going to defend my viewpoint. Also for the last time, I never said I would DEFINITELY do nude modeling. I said it was a possibility and that it may never happen. And I am with the same guy, so please ignore thatone's post about 'current' and 'ex'. Thank you for clarifying, it helps in understanding your position/perspective. The two may be separate in your view (i.e. nude modeling versus sex tapes), but, they may not be in your boyfriend's eye. And, since you are in a relationship together, I think it would be in your best interest to consider his thoughts/feelings before you make a final decision. Which, seems as though you are, based on this thread...
iris219 Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 There’s no reason to do nude test shoots. In fact, reputable agencies generally don’t want to see them. I modeled in my late teens, early 20’s (I started at 19 and was told I was too old to be starting, so be prepared for that!) We were advised to not ever take our clothes off for a test shoot. (I think they felt nudity was something we should be getting paid well for.) When new girls would come in, my booking agent would make them remove nude test shots from their books. Then she would complain about all the girls who thought getting naked would book jobs. Nudity only helps you if you’re not trying to book high fashion jobs or it’s a tearsheet from Italian Vogue. I don’t understand exactly what your BF is uncomfortable about. Is he jealous? That’s just silly if he is. Does he get nervous when you go to the gyno? Is he worried about your safety? If so, this is a legitimate concern. Do you have an agent? If not, get one soon. They will make sure you are only working with photographers they know and trust. You will be working with professionals who simply want to do their jobs and go home to their families. If seems you’ve already considered the safety aspect, so I really don’t understand his concern. Does he think the photographer is getting horny or something? He/she is not, unless he’s a perv, which means you shouldn’t be working with him anyway. Your BF should be happy for you and supportive. I can't understand any other reaction.
thatone Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 oh wow, same guy you blew up on about the hypothetical nude video conversation? someone sell that man a backbone. i'm gonna go out on a limb and guess since you mention being unemployed for a length of time that you're living at his place through all these months in question? and he's been helping you pay your bills and paying for your dates and putting gas in your car and other such things since you haven't been employed all this time? if so, and if he had an ounce of self respect left, he'd tell you that you better flirt with the photographer because you're gonna need someone else to pay your rent and pay for your meals when you leave out of there.
Finch Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 What do you want to prioritize? Your relationship or your possible career? I think it's wonderful that you've found an opportunity to fulfill a dream, but keep in mind you've said you don't expect this to be your bread and butter. If so, why rock the boat at this point by getting into all sorts of hypotheticals about whether you'll model nude in the future - deal with that if/when it comes to that. However, you've also said that you want nude photos in your portfolio to show that you are willing to take on nude modeling as a paying gig. Your boyfriend may see that as inviting a level of exposure that he isn't comfortable with. Including nude photos in your starting portfolio is not just waiting to see if you get offered a job like that, but openly inviting that type of work. While you do not have a problem with that (it's your body after all) your boyfriend does. So, it seems you have a couple of options: a) Try to talk it out and hopefully bring him round to seeing things your way b) Go ahead with the nude photographs, and boyfriend's feelings be damned c) Hold off on the nude portfolio pictures for now and IF it comes up as a concrete job offer, consider the option THEN. I am not saying your boyfriends feelings on the subject are right or wrong, but if you value this relationship it might be beneficial to seriously take his feelings and reservations into consideration, lest you look like you are choosing modeling over him.
iris219 Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 i'm gonna go out on a limb and guess since you mention being unemployed for a length of time that you're living at his place through all these months in question? and he's been helping you pay your bills and paying for your dates and putting gas in your car and other such things since you haven't been employed all this time? Is this true? I didn’t realize this. Could it be that your BF thinks you should be focusing on a stable career vs. something that might end up being a hobby, and that’s why he’s uncomfortable and/or annoyed?
Author tigressA Posted August 1, 2011 Author Posted August 1, 2011 Thank you for clarifying, it helps in understanding your position/perspective. The two may be separate in your view (i.e. nude modeling versus sex tapes), but, they may not be in your boyfriend's eye. And, since you are in a relationship together, I think it would be in your best interest to consider his thoughts/feelings before you make a final decision. Which, seems as though you are, based on this thread... Yes, I am being considerate of him. As I said in the OP, I wouldn't do something without telling him first and offering to have him accompany me. And if it was something he was really uncomfortable with, I wouldn't do it. Iris, thanks for the pointers. Extremely helpful. Having read your post, I will refrain from doing anything nude, no matter how lovely the image may turn out, unless it's a paid assignment. Doing it that way does make much more sense than what I was talking about.
zengirl Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 Zengirl, you have a point about age. At 24, I am significantly older than many girls when they start out in this biz. It does seem to me like there are greater expectations for nudity when you're a late-starter, but if you start out with that then that's likely all you'll be asked to do, which isn't something I want. I don't see a problem with just one or two nudes in a starting portfolio though, especially if they are beautiful and tasteful. I think the best thing is to appear versatile, and not one-note. Have you consulted with anyone in the industry (agents, successful models, agencies, etc) that led you to believe it was helpful or necessary to have them in there? I do not believe they are common in starter portfolios is what I was saying, so why cause controversy over them? A swimsuit picture or something somewhat around that nature --- so you can SEE your body well --- seems like a necessary or reasonable addition, if you're going to go after that type of work (and there are all KINDS of modeling jobs). The only nudes I've ever seen in a portfolio were professional campaigns. There’s no reason to do nude test shoots. In fact, reputable agencies generally don’t want to see them. I modeled in my late teens, early 20’s (I started at 19 and was told I was too old to be starting, so be prepared for that!) We were advised to not ever take our clothes off for a test shoot. (I think they felt nudity was something we should be getting paid well for.) That's what I thought. And it does sound odd to me. I don't think there's anything wrong with posing nude, but doing it for a test shot sounds kind of . . . like you just want people to see you naked. But I don't know how her BF could have that attitude. I only have it because I have similar knowledge/experience to yours, iris. Thanks for clarifying. I thought maybe I was remembering oddly or something.
thatone Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 Generally no, unless the model wants it that way. No model is required to ever do nude work. but you're looking to do nude work, as iris said, probably because you think selling nude photos helps your chances, or you wouldn't have brought it up to him. it's too late to pretend to be all pure and well intentioned, you made your intentions clear in the first post. And about the 'tables turning'--that was about a sex tape and only about a sex tape. Not nude photos. I see a big difference between a posed, tasteful nude photo that I agreed to taking and a video of me engaging in sexual acts. I have no problem with nudity, but I see engaging in sex as something I wouldn't want to share with anyone outside my relationship. That is my personal view. If you want to call me a hypocrite, that's fine. This is the first and last time I am going to defend my viewpoint. Also for the last time, I never said I would DEFINITELY do nude modeling. I said it was a possibility and that it may never happen. And I am with the same guy, so please ignore thatone's post about 'current' and 'ex'. so when YOU do it it's ok and when someone else has a conversation about the same thing hypothetically without any intent of actually doing it, it's not ok. self·ish [sel-fish] –adjective 1. devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others. 2. characterized by or manifesting concern or care only for oneself: selfish motives.
Author tigressA Posted August 1, 2011 Author Posted August 1, 2011 Is this true? I didn’t realize this. Could it be that your BF thinks you should be focusing on a stable career vs. something that might end up being a hobby, and that’s why he’s uncomfortable and/or annoyed? No, it is not true--let me clarify. I didn't intend this to be part of my thread, which is why I didn't include details. I have been working PT and contributing to expenses as best I can, and I have been on the hunt for FT work--I said in my OP that I may be securing a stable job soon. I have two interviews this week and one looks like a good bet. I also said in my OP that I don't expect to make a career out of this--for now it's a dream I've wanted to fulfill for years, and if it goes anywhere, sure, I'll have it be a side job as that would be awesome. BF knows all of this, of course.
thatone Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 "as best i can" is a polite way of saying "not nearly as much as he has". again, someone sell this man a backbone.
Author tigressA Posted August 1, 2011 Author Posted August 1, 2011 Have you consulted with anyone in the industry (agents, successful models, agencies, etc) that led you to believe it was helpful or necessary to have them in there? I do not believe they are common in starter portfolios is what I was saying, so why cause controversy over them? A swimsuit picture or something somewhat around that nature --- so you can SEE your body well --- seems like a necessary or reasonable addition, if you're going to go after that type of work (and there are all KINDS of modeling jobs). The only nudes I've ever seen in a portfolio were professional campaigns. Well, I've amended the decision to have them in a starter portfolio--I won't have any in there, as you and Iris have made good points about not including them. But I did bring it up with BF not strictly in the sense of a starter portfolio--I brought it up in a general sense, which includes paid assignments, and again as in my OP, only under the conditions I listed.
iris219 Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 No, it is not true--let me clarify. I didn't intend this to be part of my thread, which is why I didn't include details. I have been working PT and contributing to expenses as best I can, and I have been on the hunt for FT work--I said in my OP that I may be securing a stable job soon. I have two interviews this week and one looks like a good bet. I also said in my OP that I don't expect to make a career out of this--for now it's a dream I've wanted to fulfill for years, and if it goes anywhere, sure, I'll have it be a side job as that would be awesome. BF knows all of this, of course. I say go for it, but keep in mind how difficult of an industry it is to succeed in. Be prepared for rejection because every model gets rejected, a lot. Even if it doesn’t work out, you’ll have fun and be glad you tried. I think you'd have a lot of regret if you gave up trying to do something you've always wanted to do (and this something isn't unreasonable) because a BF was uncomfortable. Do you think once your BF sees the photos or comes on a shoot with you that he'll see how benign and professional it all really is? Right now it seems like he has an inaccurate image of what modeling entails and he’s worrying about something he doesn't really have correct knowledge of.
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