themomisdone Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 My husband and I have been married 20 years; have 3 teenagers (17, 18,19) that still live at home. I want to be on my own...I am tired of not feeling appreciated and I am tired of being lonely...I take care of myself but I get no acknowledgment from him...ever... Our marriage has been on the rocks for over 5 years now;we have had counseling, but are back to where we were...in the sh..~ He is a good father for the most part, has a steady job, we have good insurance...ect...but a rotten husband. I am so lonely...he works 100+ hours a week, and when he is at home, he spends it in front of the TV for the most part.. or on the telephone...all the time (work), and I am just tired of having no connection. Five years ago he did have an affair..I found out after he told my kids first..when my son, 16, was between cancer treatments and was at home. We had some counseling, but are back to where we were...no talking..he also holds animosity towards me because I wanted his daughter, 27, and her boyfriend, to move out. It just sucks now..I feel like I would be better on my own, but I also want to be taken care of...cant have my cake and eat it to...can I? He could still be cheating...who knows...we have nothing at home..I just feel like I am wasting my life..what should I do ?
jjoo8 Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 Spouse Cheating on you?Get the evidence! 3w.knowthetruth.i n f o Email Surveillance Services.The EASIEST way to discover the FACTS!
Lexygirl Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 If you've looked at it from all angles and showed him how much you care in many ways and he's not responding, then I think you know the answer. You don't need anyone's permission... It IS scary to be on your own but is it gonna be worse than living like you have been? That's what you have to weigh out.
Lucid1 Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 That's a tough position. No one can decide that for you, as easy as that would make it. Do you have some girlfriends to share with? Maybe another counseler? We tried three, the first two were useless. The third was great, but we got there too late. By the time we found him my ex wife was already emotionally disconnected and the marriage was over. It sounds like you don't think you want a divorce quite yet, maybe a good marriage therapist would do it. The decision to give him/it another chance and knowing when to give it up is one of the hardest decisions we ever have to make. On the other hand it sounds like your husband is already gone, deep in his work. Maybe start making some plans, financially, etc, so if/when you leave or boot him out you are secure. Knowing you don't need him to be secure might give you the strength to make your move. Good luck!
Donewrong Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 Everything you posted you need to tell your husband. Communicate to him what you are feeling. You can't make a decision without you both knowing how each other is truly feeling. Maybe if he knew how you felt, he would be willing to work on your relationship. Maybe MC together again. Maybe there are things that are bothering him that he is not saying right now.. Tell him how you feel. You'll get your answer on what you need to do based on his reaction. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Keep us posted on how you are doing. Good luck!
Donewrong Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Themomisdone .. how are you? Did you talk to your husband?
stillafool Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 My husband and I have been married 20 years; have 3 teenagers (17, 18,19) that still live at home. I want to be on my own...I am tired of not feeling appreciated and I am tired of being lonely...I take care of myself but I get no acknowledgment from him...ever... We had some counseling, but are back to where we were...no talking..he also holds animosity towards me because I wanted his daughter, 27, and her boyfriend, to move out. It just sucks now..I feel like I would be better on my own, but I also want to be taken care of...cant have my cake and eat it to...can I? He could still be cheating...who knows...we have nothing at home..I just feel like I am wasting my life..what should I do ? Definitely leave if you are not happy. Maybe that will open his eyes to the way he has been neglecting you. You say you take care of yourself, yet you want to be taken care of. I don't understand. I think if you go out on your own you should definitely go to work as it will help your mind as well as your pocketbook.
nycman51 Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 YOU ARE STRONG WOMEN. It’s a very unfortunate situation but you know what eventually needs to be done and he properly will agree. The biggest problem is when, I would make sure you can have money to support yourself when this time comes IV heard of disasters where the husband has cut his ex totally off and she had nothing to live on. If your parents are around I would speak with them and let them know what’s going on and what you plan to do. (NO SUPPRISES). It’s sad when this situation comes up after so many years but we do not live forever and we all need to be happy! I have a similar situation (see below) but the problem is my wife can not support herself and I can’t bring myself to leave her. If you ever want someone with a sympathetic ear to talk to let me know and we will arrange to talk. Good luck and best of Luck! Tony I have been married for many years and my wife is not a very passionate women. I have spoken to her on many occasions and nothing has ever changed or has she even made any effort to help the situation. So that brings me to looking for a women that is in a similar situation, someone I can be friends with and maybe more. This is not just about sex that can be found easy if I wanted. I want someone who has feelings and emotion who can have a intermit conversation. I’m not looking to change my situation or anyone else’s. My wife has been great in many other ways. But I feel empty at times.
stillafool Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 I love how these OPs never come back. We should stop responding to one post threads where they never return.
soserious1 Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 My husband and I have been married 20 years; have 3 teenagers (17, 18,19) that still live at home. I want to be on my own...I am tired of not feeling appreciated and I am tired of being lonely...I take care of myself but I get no acknowledgment from him...ever... Our marriage has been on the rocks for over 5 years now;we have had counseling, but are back to where we were...in the sh..~ He is a good father for the most part, has a steady job, we have good insurance...ect...but a rotten husband. I am so lonely...he works 100+ hours a week, and when he is at home, he spends it in front of the TV for the most part.. or on the telephone...all the time (work), and I am just tired of having no connection. Five years ago he did have an affair..I found out after he told my kids first..when my son, 16, was between cancer treatments and was at home. We had some counseling, but are back to where we were...no talking..he also holds animosity towards me because I wanted his daughter, 27, and her boyfriend, to move out. It just sucks now..I feel like I would be better on my own, but I also want to be taken care of...cant have my cake and eat it to...can I? He could still be cheating...who knows...we have nothing at home..I just feel like I am wasting my life..what should I do ? What do you do? you take a big breath, put on your big girl panties and realize that with kids 17,18 and 19 still at home that you are in one of the toughest times of a marriage, you've got 3 kids to finish getting through high school and college. Don't put them in a tail spin at this point in their development, stay the course,finish doing your duty, get them through school and launched as adults, then if you are still unhappy, then consider divorce. It's said many unhappy couples who stayed together, when asked about their lives a few years later amazingly report that their marriages have improved, you might find that once the kids are launched that life will get better, if not, then you can decide to walk away with your head held high knowing you gave your kids every advantage you could.
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