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Alcohol is my addition

JohnnyXray

By JohnnyXray
in Addiction & Recovery

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JohnnyXray Member

JohnnyXray

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I am addicted to alcohol, every single night I down an 18 pack of beer.

  • 3 weeks later...
danceallday Established Member

danceallday

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JohnnyXRay,

 

My Mother passed away several years ago. She was an alcoholic for 20 years. I still have so much pain associated with her addiction. She was an amazing person, smart, beautiful, and raised a large family with a cook, driver, nanny. I miss her everyday and I wish she had gotten help. She just couldn't admit that she was like everybody else. An addict, is an addict, is an addict. No one understands truly the nature of addiction. Also in this country we haven't decided if addiction is a weakness in character or chemistry. There were alcoholics on my Mother's side of family and I believe it is an inherited disease that grows progressively worse if untreated. Addiction doesn't just hurt the addict. It hurts all of the people around them and it has a ripple effect like a stone thrown in calm water.

 

She was the best Mom in the world and I couldn't and didn't do a thing about it. It eats at me all the time.

 

You should try to get help.

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JohnnyXray Member

JohnnyXray

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danceallday,

 

Sorry to hear about the loss of your mother, I can't imagine losing my mother. I've come to a point I realize I have a problem, but I don't know how to go about dealing with it or who to talk to. I live in a small town, the only option seems to be AA, which I want nothing to do with. Personally, AA seems like a cult that strives on religion and shoves it down your throat, I'm atheist who doesn't need that. I just need help.

 

I'm at a low point in my life. Beer to me is what a girlfriend or boyfriend is to someone else. I lack a girlfriend, can't get girls, so I put my trust in beer. I know the reason I'm so unhappy, I just don't know how to become happy.

danceallday Established Member

danceallday

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Have you thought about AA in another town/county? That way you would not run into someone you know.

 

I know it is hard, the religious aspect, but AA really is for people who have similar challenges to you. Basically they are admitting that they have a problem and that they need help. All humans need help from other humans. It is how we have survived through the ages.

 

You sound depressed, lonely, and without hope. You cannot lose hope. Hope is what drives us to live.

 

If you don't want to go to AA, maybe a therapist? Does your insurance cover it? The therapist can refer you to some programs. Maybe there is something out there without the religious aspect.

 

I am telling you now that you need to get help. You do not realize how many people will be affected by your descent down this hole. I miss my Mother everyday. She was the best Mom and I know the fact that she didn't get help hastened her death.

 

Post here, get help, good luck.

Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

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Just for the record:

 

I, too, wanted nothing to do with AA. I ended up there anyway, and it's what helped me get clean and sober.

 

Yes, they talk about "God" there, as a "higher power." I do not agree that it's a cult, or that the concept of God will be shoved down anyone's throat. I personally have known staunch atheists who have used the 12 step program of AA and meetings to get and stay sober.

 

I don't believe AA is the only way, but I do believe that some of the things that are taught there are things that any person with a serious problem with addiction will NEED to experience and learn before they are able to get free.

 

A common problem among all addicts, in my opinion, is the conviction that they can do it "their way." I don't think that ever works. "Their way" for an addict / alcoholic is to practice the addiction.

 

Submitting to the group, or the program, or the concept of higher power or any or all of those, is one big part of how a 12 step program can help.

 

However you do it, I am glad that you acknowledge that you have a serious problem, and that you know you need to change that and that you need help to do so.

D-Lish Established Member

D-Lish

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I've been where you are- I adopted drinking my pain away in my upper thirties after having never been a drinker in my life. I checked myself into detox for 2 weeks and came out on the other side sober. I struggle with it sometimes when things go wrong in my life- but I have a strong sense of will.

 

I used to down 14+ beers a night and I'm a skinny female- I drank my calories, didn't even eat much.

 

You can check into detox, the first couple nights are hard but it gets better.

 

Detox in my region meant sharing a ward with psychiatric patients.

Spending 2 weeks with severe bi-polars, schizophrenics, people on suicidal watch, and the like made me realize how my problems didn't compare in the grand scheme of things. It worked though- 2 weeks off the booze, getting on the right antidepressant meds helped me out.

 

The only times i think about drinking is when I encounter a crisis.

I don't have a sponser or aftercare besides my family doctor that I see once a month for ongoing counselling.

Tayla Established Member

Tayla

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mme Chaucer wrote in part : A common problem among all addicts, in my opinion, is the conviction that they can do it "their way." I don't think that ever works. "Their way" for an addict / alcoholic is to practice the addiction.

No truer words have been stated and had that lightbulb moment!

 

Addictions of chemical are a disease, therefore recognized as an illness, how its treated is questionable at best. Learn the difference between being a "dry Addict" and being a "Clean- Sober" one.....I hang with the Clean ones but do delight in listening to the Dry addict who Kicked it on "their own", Sooner then later they relapse....wonder why that is?

visualbasicide Established Member

visualbasicide

Posted
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mme Chaucer wrote in part : A common problem among all addicts, in my opinion, is the conviction that they can do it "their way." I don't think that ever works. "Their way" for an addict / alcoholic is to practice the addiction.

No truer words have been stated and had that lightbulb moment!

 

Addictions of chemical are a disease, therefore recognized as an illness, how its treated is questionable at best. Learn the difference between being a "dry Addict" and being a "Clean- Sober" one.....I hang with the Clean ones but do delight in listening to the Dry addict who Kicked it on "their own", Sooner then later they relapse....wonder why that is?

 

I haven't touched drugs in 11, almost 12, years, didn't use a program or support group, replaced my habit with a hobby, which became a career and practically isolated any interaction with people or places that would cause me to fail. My desire to improve my quality of life and that of those around me was more than my weakness or dependance. So I should expect a relapse any day now?

 

I do understand that this is not the norm, but it does happen. My personal advice, Go to AA. Therapy, both, whatever you have to do to help yourself. Pride comes before ruin, as they say. Your responsibility to yourself OP seems to have kicked in but don't let everyone else's preconceived notions or stigma of any treatment method shy you away from it.

 

There are many things I have tackled in this life, some I could handle alone, some I could not. I would suggest any type of help that enforces accountability, be it a program or therapy. The support of others going through the same thing is invaluable.

Tayla Established Member

Tayla

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Visualbasicide- Congrats on Changing some things in your life to create a healthy lifestyle. Glad you promote different resources, its important to get the word out that one doesnt have to go it alone in regaining perspective and values that seemed meek during the full blown addiction. I kudo whatever vehicle gained one into recovery, yours is unique and worth reading.

I stand by my conviction that its not something that even needs to be done alone, (other then putting down the drink/drug). That choice does need to come from the recovering person....when they are ready...

There is no cure, there is help though, which I think you spoke well of.

visualbasicide Established Member

visualbasicide

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Yeah I seem to be the exception rather than the rule but have found that going solo is the rougher, and therefor least likely to succeed. Maybe some personality flaw on my part, When things are great, I am totally a people person, when they are not, I go through it solo. Takes away distraction for me that I can't afford to have.

 

Bottom line OP is you are solo now, and sounds like you have been, so do what works and get rid of what doesn't, that doesn't mean spend a day or two checking something out, it means spend 6 weeks checking something out. Pretty much in that time you can have a pretty good idea of what is and isn't going to work for you. Then adjust everything to tweak it to you.

 

It's all trial and error and persistence in a lot of circumstances in day to day life when you don't have someone next to you helping you behave. Filter the good in and the bad out and you will find something to help you overcome this.

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