prosense Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 It is a long story,,but let me just cut it very short- I am a 30 year old male and the girl I like is 22. And she happens to be the sister of a good friend of mine. When I first saw her last year, she caught my attention. But I had a girl friend, so nothing happened. Since then, we (my buddy, I, and her would hang out from time to time as friends) Then last year and ex and I broke up. Since last year, we'd hang out from time to time as friends. But I did not act on it anyhow. I finally mustered up the courage to ask her out about a month ago. And she took me upon the offer. Of course, I got the blessing from my friend. He always considered me to be one of the candidates for his sister's boyfriend according to him. So, we had a date once, and it was quite all right. And I asked her out again and she said yes. But, at the last minute, she sorta changed the plans and the second date did not happen. So, the next day I went to see her anyways (with her consensus) and we had a small talk. But during that time, I felt a very bad vibe from her. So, that night, I texted her that it was not my intention to make her uncomfortable. and she said "I would not say uncomfortable, but I vaule our friendship and I don't want to run the risk of ruining it" Deeming that she just wanted to remain friends, I said "Thank you for your honest". And the next day, I left a msg on her fb "I hope things are not awkward next time. Have fun in China" at this time she was going on a trip to China about a week. Then she replied "Thanks, You are such a great listener and don't worry I won't make the things awkard. I hope I don't die in China. Talk to you soon" And I was trying to move on. No contact or whatsoever. I even forade her status update on my FB to distance myself from her. Then, she came back and as we planned, we went to this rock concert all together (me, my buddy/her brother, her, and two others) We all planned this about a month ago so we were bound to meet regardless. And bam! All the feelings came back and grr I was very much frustrated to see her.. well it was bittersweet because to her I am just a friend and while to me she is not. During the concert, it rained well it poured the whole time and I did some one or two nice things to her e.g. covered the raindrop, lending my baseball cap and towel and even my shirt since she did not bring any extra clothes to the concert and after the thing, she was shivering. But I tried to keep it cool in order not to come off clingly or TOO trying to impress her since we agreed to remain friends. Anyhow, aside from my good deeds or whatever, I could not sleep, just thinking about her. I thought I've moved on. It was only 1 and a half date after all. But, it took me a while for me to muster up the courage to ask her out..and this feeling that I have had for awhile, unlike I thought it would, did not just disapper that simply. So, I am at a loss. We will probably hang out sometime.. nothing definite. but I am not sure what to do... I know for sure that she is not on the same page with me.. but the re-surge of the feelings caught me off guard and made me reconsider giving it a second shot. Well, this sound sappy. but she probably does not know that I have this feeling for her such a long time. That's what kills me. It is not like "Oh. my friend's sister is hot and why not go for her?".. It's almost a year since I had this feelings... Any advice?
Finch Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 You've seen her again and some feelings resurfaced. Does it mean you should act on them? No. She told you before she left that she didn't want to be more than friends. Respect that. It sounds like you've had a lot of time to think about this and you may be building her up in your mind as something greater than she is. You weren't in a relationship, and you didn't even go on a second date. You took a chance, which is great, and it didn't work out. Start dating other people, and get off the train of thought that's keeping her in the forefront of your mind. If you don't think you can act normally around her than keep some distance for a little while. Women can pick up on clingyness someone mooning over them pretty quickly and it might make her feel uncomfortable. Even though your friend gave you his blessing it doesn't mean he won't get angry if he thinks you're harassing his sister.
Allisha Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 You've seen her again and some feelings resurfaced. Does it mean you should act on them? No. She told you before she left that she didn't want to be more than friends. Respect that. It sounds like you've had a lot of time to think about this and you may be building her up in your mind as something greater than she is. You weren't in a relationship, and you didn't even go on a second date. You took a chance, which is great, and it didn't work out. Start dating other people, and get off the train of thought that's keeping her in the forefront of your mind. If you don't think you can act normally around her than keep some distance for a little while. Women can pick up on clingyness someone mooning over them pretty quickly and it might make her feel uncomfortable. Even though your friend gave you his blessing it doesn't mean he won't get angry if he thinks you're harassing his sister. I agree with this post 100%. I haven't got much more to add, but take this advice. Especially the bold bit.
Imajerk17 Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 I agree with the other two posters. The ball is in her court now, and if she feels differently, she will let you know. The best way for you to "get her back" is to move on and meet other women.
thatone Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 that's why the answer to "just be friends" is always no. don't make the same mistake again.
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