qmqmqm Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 Hi everyone I am a guy and I have chatted with women on a dating website. The conversation usually goes well and it's all fun and stuff. However when I ask women for their phone number or ask them to meet in person, that's when they have excuses etc... and it never got any further than chatting online. Has anyone had the same problem? What's the point of chatting online forever if we don't actually meet, or at least talk on the phone? And ladies out there, any advise? Cheers! Tom
ScienceGal Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 How long is "forever"? Do you have a photo posted? If you do, and they talk to you at all then they at least find you attractive. Or, they just talk to anyone and are looking for some online "fun and stuff". Which leads to my next question, are you trying to talk to as many women as you can, or only a select few that seem really appealing to you? What does the conversation entail? Don't talk about anything sexual unless all you're looking for is sex. I recently joined an online dating site and I get several messages a day. I am only maintaining contact with one guy because he seems the most sincere and that lines up with what I am looking for.
Author qmqmqm Posted August 1, 2011 Author Posted August 1, 2011 Thanks for the advise ScienceGal. I was exaggerating when I said "forever". One woman for example: I talked to her for a couple of weeks and around 15 messages back and forth. It was all fun and it went very well. And I asked for her phone number, and no reply. I asked again, and she gave it to me. Then we talked on the phone for 15 minutes. That's when I asked her to meet me in person, and she said she was going to be busy all week (really?), so I asked her to call me next week when she is free. Of course that never happened... I don't understand...
Zaphod B Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 I was on the Internet dating scene for about a year and a half, but got tired of it because I found there were just too many game players, women who didn't know what they wanted and ones who were looking for bad boys (even though they claimed not to be). I am from New Zealand so the scene here might be a lot different to where you're from, but probably not as women in Western countries are very similar when it comes to dating. Out of the women who would actually respond to my messages and chat with me through PMs on these dating sites, I had a 9/10 success rate in getting a date with them. (Different story when it comes to getting a second date though!) I think a lot of that has to do with my writing style. I'm very good at expressing myself through the use of the written word and it impresses. So maybe you might have a problem there, I can't say. I always had photographs on my profile too, (which women, when they met me, always said I looked like.) One thing I never did was ask for a phone number right off, because most are reluctant to give out their personal numbers and have you call them, because they will fear if they don't like you that you'll keep callling them. If they offer, then that's great - ring them and have a good conversation with them. I always asked for coffee dates. Normally after about 2 weeks of messaging. Either at a cafe or for a beer at a bar. Somewhere public where they won't feel threatened. Once you've sorted out that, then you can exchange cell ph numbers so that you can TEXT each other to confirm details and if there is any problems getting there on time. I say two weeks of regular chat is good, because it gives you a good chance to get to know each other a bit through PMs and you have some common ground and some of the ice has already been broken. But if you go longer than that I believe you get unrealistic expectations about each other. Sometimes I will ask for a coffee date in under 2 weeks if I am finding that the woman is crap when it comes to email messaging. I can't be bothered going to the effort of messaging someone who does one word replies. Way too much hard work. Hopefully they'll be good conversationalists when you meet face to face! I also wouldn't be afraid of blind dates. I've been on 6 blind dates with women who didn't post photographs. One I was in a relationship with for 5 years. Only one was unattractive. The other four were smoking hot and one of them I even had a fling with before I ended up chosing another woman over her (ended up being a bad decision sadly). Remember many beautiful women do not post pictures because they don't want all the creeps messaging them wanting sex. Be a gentleman. Don't start talking dirty with them unless they want to talk dirty to you first! That's the way I did it. Don't know if that helps.
Zaphod B Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 (edited) Thanks for the advise ScienceGal. I was exaggerating when I said "forever". One woman for example: I talked to her for a couple of weeks and around 15 messages back and forth. It was all fun and it went very well. And I asked for her phone number, and no reply. I asked again, and she gave it to me. Then we talked on the phone for 15 minutes. That's when I asked her to meet me in person, and she said she was going to be busy all week (really?), so I asked her to call me next week when she is free. Of course that never happened... I don't understand... I'd reckon 15 messages probably isn't enough. I guess it depends on how long they are. Still good you managed to get a phone call, but be careful not to appear too pushy. The thing is communicating with the written word is so much different than communicating verbally. I've done the phone call thing a few times and it always went well, so I don't know what you're doing wrong there. Maybe after talking to you she decided she just didn't like you? I think I prefer the face to face approach rather than talking on the telephone though, because you can't really tell if there is chemistry until you're face to face. So where did you invite her? What sort of date? Edited August 1, 2011 by Zaphod B
Zaphod B Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 Oh oh, sorry, dude, I just reread your post and you were directing this question at women. I'll get out now.
Author qmqmqm Posted August 1, 2011 Author Posted August 1, 2011 I'd reckon 15 messages probably isn't enough. I guess it depends on how long they are. Still good you managed to get a phone call, but be careful not to appear too pushy. The thing is communicating with the written word is so much different than communicating verbally. I've done the phone call thing a few times and it always went well, so I don't know what you're doing wrong there. Maybe after talking to you she decided she just didn't like you? I think I prefer the face to face approach rather than talking on the telephone though, because you can't really tell if there is chemistry until you're face to face. So where did you invite her? What sort of date? On the phone, I was basically asking how her week was, which part of town she lived in, etc. I was flirting with her a bit but nothing too heavy at all, or at least so I think. I was saying that I had to break up with her right away because she lived a bit far or something to that nature, I can't remember the exact verbatim. As for asking for the date, I said I was going to a dance lesson and would you like to join me? She said she was busy that week. (I sense she was a bit nervous and unsure about me.)
Author qmqmqm Posted August 1, 2011 Author Posted August 1, 2011 Oh oh, sorry, dude, I just reread your post and you were directing this question at women. I'll get out now. No not at all... I'm looking for both guys and girls perspectives on this subject. Thanks for the reply, it was very good!
Zaphod B Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 On the phone, I was basically asking how her week was, which part of town she lived in, etc. I was flirting with her a bit but nothing too heavy at all, or at least so I think. I was saying that I had to break up with her right away because she lived a bit far or something to that nature, I can't remember the exact verbatim. As for asking for the date, I said I was going to a dance lesson and would you like to join me? She said she was busy that week. (I sense she was a bit nervous and unsure about me.) Seems like a harmless thing I guess. Something fun and not too intimidating, although she might have been uncomfortable with the thought of physical contact so soon. In the websites I visited the norm always seemed to be coffee or bar dates, but that may be a New Zealand thing perhaps. There have been some exceptions, but mainly from foreign women. An African woman invited me to her place for a coffee and a Sri Lankan woman invited me to the movies to see an old Orson Welles movie would you believe.
ScienceGal Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 I told the guy I am talking to that I am busy this week (I really am) and that I will see what next week looks like. To be honest, I am someone who will fill my life up with things to do. I will message him later in the week to see what his schedule looks like next week. He has not flirted with me at all, which is something I actually appreciate. I think I am attractive, and I did post a photo on the site.. probably 50% of the messages I get from other men are just creepy and they come on too strong. So, the fact that he and I have talked mostly about what we do for fun, what we like to eat, travel, etc. is so nice. He stands out because he seems the most genuine in his messages. And maybe it will be an epic fail, but oh well. I am nervous because I've never met anyone from online like this. But, I do want to meet him, and I will follow through with it. So it comes back to what you're looking for and making sure that you're projecting that and not just trying to be clever. Just be yourself. I would rather meet for coffee or a beer and chat face to face than over the phone, but that's just me. Maybe you should try that route.
Zaphod B Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 .. probably 50% of the messages I get from other men are just creepy and they come on too strong. . I have heard this from so many women I have dated from dating websites here in New Zealand. I'm amazed at the stories I hear about creeps who will send pictures of their dicks and stuff like that or who will blatently ask for sex dates. Then I hear stories about guys who come onto their dates on the first meeting as well as other bizarre behaviour. I can understand why women are very particular about who they meet on the Internet. I think most of them want to meet the ones who come across as gentlemen in their posts and who don't presume they can be flirtatious.
Shaun-Dro Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 Hi everyone I am a guy and I have chatted with women on a dating website. The conversation usually goes well and it's all fun and stuff. However when I ask women for their phone number or ask them to meet in person, that's when they have excuses etc... and it never got any further than chatting online. Has anyone had the same problem? What's the point of chatting online forever if we don't actually meet, or at least talk on the phone? And ladies out there, any advise? Cheers! Tom I've absolutely experienced this over the years, back when I used to use Plentyoffish, Yahoo dating sites, AOL chatrooms, etc. I always chalked it up to women using fake profiles and people not being who they claim to be. It's always better off to talk with someone that you meet in person, because you'll already know what you're getting.
Tybalt Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 Online dating is a little scary for me as a woman. I have met a few men that way, and have actually had only one semi-negative experience. But my defenses are definitely raised when the connection is purely a virtual one. In fact, my current boyfriend approached me at a dance club asking if we had met somewhere. Sure enough, he looked familiar, but I thought he might have been on a dating website and I couldn't recall well enough to know if he'd been creepy or not, so I basically blew him off. A week later, there he was at my gym, and I knew why he looked familiar. I went up to him, made amends for being a bit standoffish before, and now we're dating. Online, I'd say that for me, the "normal," gentlemanly types who didn't seem too eager got my attention the most. If they seemed calm, busy with their own lives, but interested in talking/meeting, I felt more comfortable going forward.
KathyM Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 Hi everyone I am a guy and I have chatted with women on a dating website. The conversation usually goes well and it's all fun and stuff. However when I ask women for their phone number or ask them to meet in person, that's when they have excuses etc... and it never got any further than chatting online. Has anyone had the same problem? What's the point of chatting online forever if we don't actually meet, or at least talk on the phone? And ladies out there, any advise? Cheers! Tom I know a lot of people who do online dating. I think women may be deciding that you are not their type after talking with you online, and that is why you are not getting a date from it. Some women may be just chatting with you to get attention, but don't really consider you dating material. Some women may have considered you as a potential date to begin with, but there was something during your conversations with them that turned them off, and that is why they are not interested in going out. I would suggest to try to arrange a date early on, such as after a couple of Emails. Don't get into a penpal zone before making the date. Be sure that your Emails are positive and upbeat. Don't complain about your experiences on dating websites. Don't complain about your X. Keep the Email focused on your interest in getting to know the person. Make sure your photo and profile are the best they can be.
johnborhner01 Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 I think, Usually girls are not ready to give their contact number soon. They need some time for making a good relation.
Casablanca Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 I've been successful with getting phone numbers after a few emails, I just tell them I'd like to have a conversation with them and what is their number....hasnt been shot down yet with 5 or 6 or so to where I got to the point where there was more than 2 messages sent by each person...usually on my 3rd message is when I've asked; just enough time to get an idea of who they are and enough time to show them that you arent totally creepy
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