Lunamadness Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 Alright...so I will begin with the beginning. Met this guy online, a total flook, met up and hit it off with a bang. We started dating and it was great, except for a few quirks that disturbed me (He never told his parents about me, even though they are in another state, and called his friends who were girls "babe", "honey", etc." I was still a little guarded because of past experiences, but soon let that go. Then one night I sent a text about getting something I had left over there (because I needed it the next day), and he thought I was going to break up with him. He didn't call or text the next day, so I asked him what was going on...and he told me what he had assumed. So when I asked him if he needed space, he said yes. Apparently he had a problem with the fact that sometimes I left a light on, or would not clean up right after I was done cooking, or other little things (OCD). So I gave him his space, and he barely talked to me for about a week, unless I texted him first. I went to his place, and discussed everything. I suggested we just go out on dates and take it slower, but he specifically said that we should work on the friendship thing first. It hit me like a rock, because the week before everything was great. He even showed me around his school. The reason for this, besides the ocd thing?...he said was not sure what he wanted, and supposedly got scared. I held back my tears, and went to start gathering the rest of my stuff, and he started to cry; saying I was a great girl and he was going to regret this, and so on (so why do it then, was the question in my head). He walked me out to my car and we held each other for a long while. I told him he just needed to find himself, and we both agreed that the door would still be open. Well....the day after next he starts being all sweet again, calling me my pet name, acting like he is going to smack my butt, and so on. I clearly remind him that he can't do that, and he gets upset. I don't hear from him, unless I text him for the next week, in which he goes home for his birthday. He got back 4 days ago, and last night he told me that he misses me and misses the times we had together, that he wishes he could take it all back...his exact words: Him: Idk I just wanted you to know that I miss you. We (he and his dog) both miss you. I miss holding you and laughing at you (with you) and playing Mario and well ya I miss you. Me: I have missed that as well. I still don't understand why you wanted to start over, but I see now that it is a good thing. I told you when we met that I was old fashioned, and I let that slip. I love the whole courting thing. Him:Yeah I know. It's what I meant when I said then I knew I'd regret it. I wanna take it all back. But I know it's not gonna happen like that. Me: It is honestly gonna take time if you are willing, so I know you won't just leave again, but I'm not saying no. It hurt me, especially when days would go by and I would hear nothing. Him: I know. Like I said then I knew I'd regret it...that's why I was so upset. The problem with me is I'm not happy. But it's not you, it's me. I've been depressed this year. I don't blame you. And I understand how you feel. Basicallly I pretty much feel like a f---up. I never meant nor wanted to hurt you...and that hurt me. Plus I really knew I would regret it. My response: if you really wish to take it all back then date me and take it slow, so I can regain my trust again. I'm not saying no, but I need time to know you won't just up and leave again. His response: I know it will be hard for me (because I miss our emotional and physical intimacy) but we can try. ..... So if anyone has any advice on what I should do, please share. I'm torn here. Am I doing the right thing by taking it slow now, or should I go straight back into his arms. I don't know if this is sincere or not, and I am afraid of being hurt...yet I want to run to him and hold him and tell him everything is okay. What do you guys think? Sorry about the long post. lol
sd89 Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 Hey. I just would like to chime in. I have been in this guys shoes before, except the situation got so bad, that my girlfriend left me. If he is not happy with himself, then you guys cannot be happy together. This doesnt mean that he will not want to be with you. Of course he will, but he cant manage it emotionally at the moment. Instead you need to encourage him to get back on his feet. Let him know that you'll help him if he needs it. The guy needs to find passion in a hobby or something he really likes and can pick himself up with before he can devote to a loving relationship with you. You seem like a really sweet and caring girl who doesn't act too quick. Be smart and give the man some distance. Let him know why. Let him know that he needs to cure himself and that in the future you guys can see where it leads. But now is definitely not the moment if you dont want to ruin everything thats there.
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