BetheButterfly Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 I wanted her to leave and she refused. Like I said, she has a temper too, so she got physical with me more than I did. I'm curious about something... are y'all from 2 different cultures, yeah? Many Latinos are similiar to many Italianos in that they fight with gusto. They love passionately and then fight passionately and then enjoy making up. I'm not Latina... but my fiance is Latino. I simply wanted her gone at that time because I was frustrated, my blood pressure was high, and had other stresses going on in my life. That's life, but if you ever want a good long relationship, you need to learn how to work conflicts out. Life isn't always peaches and cream. My little honey was supposed to relieve all of that, and did for a while, but also did some irksome things to piss me off as well. I bet she could say the same thing. I do miss her. I'm not going to deny that. I thought about calling her but I held back and considered dropping in to Target because I knew she would be working today, but I stopped myself on that too. I think you should apologize, personally. But yeah I think it's better if y'all don't get back together. If I were her, I would accept your apology but never ever go to your house again. Maybe I went overboard with snapping at her and loosing my cool but I've been lied to so much by women over the years that sometimes the tiniest white lie can stir the sauce. I think you went overboard by throwing her out. It would have been best to be calm and to ask her what she does know how to cook, and what she would like to cook. If she can't cook anything, then you can ask her why she lied to you... maybe she really liked you and wanted you and thought she could learn how to cook, I don't know. Some people lie because they like someone and want that person to like them back. It's not cool, but on the other hand, maybe she wasn't lying and knows how to cook some food. Most Latinas I know do know some family recipes and are awesome cooking them!
BetheButterfly Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 The above is my experience with many Latina cooks as well. Also my former Asian girlfriend was a phenomenal Thai and Chinese cook and would laugh at anyone who expected her to cook up a box of rice, because that is not the "right" way to make rice for good Asian food--and if you gave her a box of stuffing, she would be like, ugh, wtf. Yep! Box stuff can't compare to real homemade! Once I made microwave rice for a Korean friend and me. She ate it very politely but made me promise that next time, she would make the rice. She did, and guess what? Her rice is WAY better than my microwave rice lol!
BetheButterfly Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 I venture to say if she knew how to cook, she would have come up with something from the ingredients in the refrigerator and what he had on hand. She just didn't know how to and was caught in a lie. She should have come clean at that point and told him "I have a confession to make. I really don't know a lot about cooking, so I'm kind of at a loss for how make any of this." She should have come clean at that point. Instead, she got irrate and made it into a fight. He was right to dump her at that point, although he should have done it in a more amicable way. It's really hard to know without knowing her side. One thing that confuses me is if she has ever made a meal for him? That would have been good to know. Many Latinas are very hospitable and love to invite people over to eat or bring food over. Not all Latinas do that, of course, but many do.
Els Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 For this scenario to be fair, she would have woken up and fixed his car stereo, hung out with him some and then asked him to fix the TV because it wasn't working and he had previously claimed he knew how to do such things. He fixed food for her earlier in the day. Reciprocity is not making undue demands. The rest is a bunch of stupidity on both parties. He should not have blown up when he could have asked her if she needed help getting acclimated to his kitchen and definitively sorted out what the hold up was about. Maybe she absolutely hates the food items he wanted prepared and didn't think reciprocity included fixing food she wouldn't be eating as well. Maybe it is outright that she lied and doesn't know how to fix a damn thing. As it stands right now - he doesn't really know what went wrong only that it did and he flipped - making it a worse situation rather than a better one. Traditional guys on here seem to go on and on about being a leader in the relationship and he did not handle it like a leader so he doesn't deserve a traditional relationship. When asked to leave his home, she should have left rather than push it to the physical. If someone smaller than me was in my home and I asked them to leave only to have them challenge me and force it to where I had to pick them up and put them out my door - they own some responsibility for that. Who doesn't leave the home of someone else when asked, especially when asked in a heated moment? That was really just tongue-in-cheek to the poster who said our responses would be different if it had been a woman who had started the thread. Mine would have been exactly the same. *shrug* I don't believe in anyone throwing a hissy fit when their partner can't do something and literally throwing them out of the house, instead of asking calmly, "Didn't you tell me you could do ___?"
Eddie Edirol Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 (edited) . He should not have blown up when he could have asked her if she needed help getting acclimated to his kitchen and definitively sorted out what the hold up was about. I dont know about that acclimation, Ive had 3 completely different cultured women who kicked me out of my own kitchen to cook, and they never cooked in my kitchen before, they worked with what I had. She really knew nothing, and if she did, she probably would have said she needed to hit the market. Instead she just stood there, thats a pretty big lie. I can understand where hes coming from, how much more is she lying about? One of my preferences is a woman who takes great pride in her cooking abilities. Edited August 17, 2011 by Eddie Edirol
sally4sara Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 That was really just tongue-in-cheek to the poster who said our responses would be different if it had been a woman who had started the thread. Mine would have been exactly the same. *shrug* I don't believe in anyone throwing a hissy fit when their partner can't do something and literally throwing them out of the house, instead of asking calmly, "Didn't you tell me you could do ___?" I'm not taking issue with your post. Many of the people calling the OP a sexist pig over asking her to make dinner seemed to overlook that he had cooked for her earlier in the day. Now I have no idea if his cooking was making a bowl of cereal or not (at which point he looses all credibility if that is "cooking" to him). But really, I don't see the problem with expecting your partner to cook for you if you're willing to cook for them. The rest though - no point in any gender talk here. They both acted like fools. He could have asked a few questions, seen if she needed any help - lots of options other than flipping out enough to worry about his blood pressure rising. But when I ask someone to leave my home for whatever reason I want them out of there I do expect them to leave without tossing a tantrum. Clearly if he was flipping out to the nth power all ogre style over not getting his Stove Top, she wouldn't have been so bold as to challenge him in a physical way right? I mean I'm a pretty bold lady but I'm not dumb enough to pick a fight with someone bigger than myself in the home they have the right to defend how they see fit. I also know I wouldn't want to date someone that stupid myself.
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 I'm not taking issue with your post. Many of the people calling the OP a sexist pig over asking her to make dinner seemed to overlook that he had cooked for her earlier in the day. Now I have no idea if his cooking was making a bowl of cereal or not (at which point he looses all credibility if that is "cooking" to him). But really, I don't see the problem with expecting your partner to cook for you if you're willing to cook for them. I don't either. But (I guess you all know by now), I do have a problem with people expecting their partner (especially in the early stages of dating - where no "living together" roles are established) to do stuff like prepare a meal or fix a TV "on demand." I don't think that reciprocity comes into play at all here, either. Because I do something generous or caring voluntarily for you does NOT mean that I then have a "right" to demand the same from you, on my timeline. I DO think that if a person finds that reciprocity is absent, it might be worth moving on over. But the reciprocity needs to be voluntary on both sides. Expectations and patterns are established with married, cohabiting and long-term partnerships. If these are not met, I believe it's perfectly valid to call the lapse into question. Even at that, though ... how many people here who are in such a relationship would demand that their partner fix them food or repair an appliance RIGHT NOW? How would you feel if on the receiving end of that? Anyway, this OP has told us many times that he deeply believes that women only belong in the kitchen or bedroom, so it's not hard to imagine that the girl was responding to this attitude, even despite the fact that he'd made breakfast that morning.
Easyguy14 Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 Im curious to know if the op had made that call yet? if he got up the guts to apologize to her so she would have the chance to do it back like many of us in here has suggested. you 2 guys really need to clear the air.
dasein Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 Rofl, yeah. If a guy told a girl that he was a good handyman, she ordered him to fix her TV when he came to her apartment, and he did not/could not do it, and she kicked him out of her apartment for that, we would all totally cheer her on, right? "Analogy" problems here as usual. Analogy of "fixing cars" to pouring the contents of a box into a pan with water and turning a knob on a stove is a nonstarter, but somehow doesn't surprise me that so many go there. Par for the LS course I guess. Honestly, how many would dump a prospective SO for not even being able to perform the simplest most basic household functions? I sure would and have learned from experience that it's the best course. Stupid people make terrible SOs. Ignorant people make terrible SOs. People who have never had to perform basic functions for themselves make terrible SOs. Liars make terrible SOs. I wouldn't hesitate to dump a woman who couldn't operate a dishwasher, washer/dryer, stove/oven, lawnmower, etc. I have dated women with quirks like this and they are bad bets, likely to be very high maintenance, privileged princesses. No thanks. Yeah, if OP were a girl this thread would be 180 degrees different.
Els Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 "Analogy" problems here as usual. Analogy of "fixing cars" to pouring the contents of a box into a pan with water and turning a knob on a stove is a nonstarter, but somehow doesn't surprise me that so many go there. Par for the LS course I guess. Honestly, how many would dump a prospective SO for not even being able to perform the simplest most basic household functions? I sure would and have learned from experience that it's the best course. Stupid people make terrible SOs. Ignorant people make terrible SOs. People who have never had to perform basic functions for themselves make terrible SOs. Liars make terrible SOs. I wouldn't hesitate to dump a woman who couldn't operate a dishwasher, washer/dryer, stove/oven, lawnmower, etc. I have dated women with quirks like this and they are bad bets, likely to be very high maintenance, privileged princesses. No thanks. Yeah, if OP were a girl this thread would be 180 degrees different. *shrugs* We can substitute TV with lightbulb if you want. Or is that still too difficult? Uh-huh, if OP had been a girl, people would have encouraged her to kick him out of her apartment with physical force like the OP did. Sure. Maybe the women on a crusade much like yours would've, but I sincerely doubt the rest of the rational ones here would.
dasein Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 Uh-huh, if OP had been a girl, people would have encouraged her to kick him out of her apartment with physical force like the OP did. Sure. Maybe the women on a crusade much like yours would've, but I sincerely doubt the rest of the rational ones here would. Whatever, if a female made a post here about physically lifting an angry, cursing BF and putting him outside her house after he refused to leave upon being asked, the "attagirl/yougogirls" would resound, and the "manhandling" BS insinuating that some kind of "abuse" (ROFL) took place would have never in a million years come into the thread.
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