Woggle Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 It is harsh but men get dumped all the time for much lesser things so you have a right to your standards.
Woggle Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 I missed the part where you manhandled her. That is certainly going too far.
KathyM Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 Many Latinas do not cook from boxes... they tend to use family recipes where they don't even use measuring cups... they just know how much of what to put in based on taste and experience, and watching their loved ones cook. It is possible your ex girlfriend knows how to cook food that her family likes, based on her roots. She probably never saw your box of stuffing before, and probably was not particularly pleased at making it, hence her question if you were sure. Many Latinos I know would sniff at a box of stuffing, but would be highly pleased with fajitas... nicely cooked meat with veggies, corn tortillas, and rice/beans on the side. A box of stuffing wouldn't cut it for many people, including me. So, I think you did wrong. About her lie... so maybe she doesn't know how to cook, not even ethnic food, but maybe she does. I would highly suggest calling her, apologizing for throwing her out of the house, and see if she would like to talk to you about it. Maybe she will say she doesn't know how to cook anything, or maybe she will say that she knows how to cook food her family likes, and not stuff in a box... Anyways, you really got to work at that temper, and learn how to resolve conflict without taking extremes. Throwing a women out of the house just for not cooking a box of stuffing is really sad. On a second thought, I think it's best if you don't call her, and get some counseling, cause seriously, I worry for any woman who has a boyfriend who would be so callous as to do something like that. I'd be worried you might hurt her in other ways. Throwing anybody out of the house is a very harsh emotional hit. I'd be traumatized if my fiance ever did that to me. I venture to say if she knew how to cook, she would have come up with something from the ingredients in the refrigerator and what he had on hand. She just didn't know how to and was caught in a lie. She should have come clean at that point and told him "I have a confession to make. I really don't know a lot about cooking, so I'm kind of at a loss for how make any of this." She should have come clean at that point. Instead, she got irrate and made it into a fight. He was right to dump her at that point, although he should have done it in a more amicable way.
Els Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 (edited) Sounds like someone gets offended because she is one of those 'I can cook you anything as long as its instant food' women. Hehe. I can definitely cook most decent meals, although possibly not foie gras or raspberry souffle. I can also clean, do basic sewing, change a lightbulb, fix most computer/network problems and assemble a computer from scratch. What can you do? Oh , wait, I know the answer. You can whine on anonymous forums about wanting equality for both genders, and then make statements that completely contradict everything you are fighting for. Makes sense. Edited August 16, 2011 by Elswyth
serial muse Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 I venture to say if she knew how to cook, she would have come up with something from the ingredients in the refrigerator and what he had on hand. She just didn't know how to and was caught in a lie. She should have come clean at that point and told him "I have a confession to make. I really don't know a lot about cooking, so I'm kind of at a loss for how make any of this." She should have come clean at that point. Instead, she got irrate and made it into a fight. He was right to dump her at that point, although he should have done it in a more amicable way. You know, I don't know about this. I get the sense (granted, I don't have any way of knowing for sure) that the OP just wants things how he wants them, no discussion. He doesn't strike me as someone who'd be OK with "I'm hungry, so just make whatever you want to make, honey." He strikes me as "I want Stove-Top stuffing, so go make it." It seems to be a very black-and-white world that the OP lives in.
Els Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 You know, I don't know about this. I get the sense (granted, I don't have any way of knowing for sure) that the OP just wants things how he wants them, no discussion. He doesn't strike me as someone who'd be OK with "I'm hungry, so just make whatever you want to make, honey." He strikes me as "I want Stove-Top stuffing, so go make it." It seems to be a very black-and-white world that the OP lives in. I personally think the OP lives below a bridge, but I think we'll have to agree to disagree on that.
Emilia Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 OP is a psycho, I said that before and I'll say it again
KathyM Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 You know, I don't know about this. I get the sense (granted, I don't have any way of knowing for sure) that the OP just wants things how he wants them, no discussion. He doesn't strike me as someone who'd be OK with "I'm hungry, so just make whatever you want to make, honey." He strikes me as "I want Stove-Top stuffing, so go make it." It seems to be a very black-and-white world that the OP lives in. I think he just offered what he had on hand and thought she would be able to make it. If she did know how to cook, I think she would have made something--whether it was what he took out, or something that she could use from the refrigerator. She obviously didn't know how to cook. She should not have misled him in the first place, and at least should have come clean about it when the situation arose.
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 You guys, I don't think lying is okay ... but these two have been dating for TWO MONTHS. Where during that time do you think it's been established that she is supposed to prepare food for him on demand? Do you all get the feeling that he asked her politely if she would fix him something? And said "please"? I strongly doubt it. They don't live together; they are not married. He is not supporting her, he probably doesn't provide for her in any way. Not that he has to. But why, at this stage of dating, would a woman ever be expected to prepare food on demand for the guy she's dating? I realize that this OP believes that women only belong in a kitchen or bedroom, but even for the most traditional type of man, there is a time and a place for this. 2 months into a relationship is the "courtship stage," where the tedious grind of married life, such as having to make food any time your man orders you to do so, or for the man to bring home his paycheck every week and hand it over to the little woman, has not yet been established. Anyway, I don't think this incident had anything to do with whether a person "knows how to cook" or not, because ANY ONE WHO CAN READ and can turn on a stove or microwave can make stove top stuffing. Knowing how to cook - not required at all. Maybe she can't read English. Or, maybe she was bristling at being ordered to prepare food.
MrNate Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 A person saying that they "can cook" does not equate to a person being willing to cook on demand exactly what is "ordered." I certainly can cook, and do most every day - and a hilarious scene would certainly ensue at my house if S were to hand me a box of Stove Top Stuffing and demand that I prepare it and quick because he is "famish" and he wants to watch a game and go to a park! Oh ho ho ho! Shaundro, you showed this girl that you are still the very creepy jerk who tried to intimidate her during her workday a while back. I hope she knows that she doesn't need this kind of crap. Nobody does. This is great and all but...Where's my dinner Mme.?
MrNate Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 Is this OP real or not? That's one helluva story.
Feelsgoodman Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 You guys, I don't think lying is okay ... but these two have been dating for TWO MONTHS. Where during that time do you think it's been established that she is supposed to prepare food for him on demand? Let's say you met a guy who claimed to be a successful lawyer or doctor and drove a shiny new Porsche. Later, you found out that the Porsche was a rental and the guy was actually a janitor. Ho would that make you feel? Now imagine what it must be like for the OP. The girl tells him she's a great cook...and it's clear that she has never cooked a meal in her life. How can he not feel misled?
dasein Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 I missed the part where you manhandled her. That is certainly going too far. Disagree here, you have every right to use reasonable non hurtful methods to put an angry cursing person out of your house if they won't leave when asked. Good for you for not being bullied in this very common way. Women have gotten the idea that they can behave however they want whenever and that a man can't do anything about it. I would have done the same. Also good for you for ditching her due to her not being able to master something any child could do. My guess is she was trying to throw subtle attitude your way because you asked her to do something, and that is why she delayed. She didn't like it when you called her BS. Good for you. If a woman is bringing nothing other than a butt that looks good in tight shorts, get rid of her, she's a liability waiting to happen.
dasein Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 Let's say you met a guy who claimed to be a successful lawyer or doctor and drove a shiny new Porsche. Later, you found out that the Porsche was a rental and the guy was actually a janitor. Ho would that make you feel? Now imagine what it must be like for the OP. The girl tells him she's a great cook...and it's clear that she has never cooked a meal in her life. How can he not feel misled? If this thread were about a similar level of lie told by a man to a woman, the responses would be laughably different.
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 Let's say you met a guy who claimed to be a successful lawyer or doctor and drove a shiny new Porsche. Later, you found out that the Porsche was a rental and the guy was actually a janitor. Ho would that make you feel? Now imagine what it must be like for the OP. The girl tells him she's a great cook...and it's clear that she has never cooked a meal in her life. How can he not feel misled? I think I have a more accurate analogy: Say that Bertha meets a guy she really likes; Bert. He seems to have all the qualities that are important to her, particularly she's excited that he says he can fix cars. She really grilled him about this. The ability to fix cars is a must-have in any guy Bertha dates. She believes in traditional roles and she does not intend to EVER pay to have her car fixed again, once she's "exclusive" with a guy who can fix it. Now they've been dating for two months. Bertha and Bert have just shared a romantic, though sex-free, evening. They are now enjoying the day together and watching a marathon of Sex in the City, which she isn't into, but Bert is a rabid fan. While he's engrossed in Samantha's latest sexcapade, Bertha leaves the room and returns with the car keys. She tosses them into Bert's lap. "The tool kit's in the garage," she tells him. "I'm not sure what's wrong with my car, but it's really bugging me and I need it fixed NOW." Bert jingles the keys and looks at her. He gets her distracted for a few moments by trying some of the make-out moves he's copied from Big on the show, but pretty soon she's all over his ass again about getting out to the garage to work on the car. So, he rambles on out. A little while later, Bertha heads to the garage to check on Bert's progress with her vehicle. She is appalled to find him kicked back on the moldy old sofa out there perusing her stash of old People magazines. She becomes enraged when it dawns on her that he LIED to her about knowing how to fix cars. He does not know how! And he never did! "GET OUT!!!" she screams in his face. He is sort of incredulous and befuddled, and just stands there like a stunned bull, slowly wiping off the spray of saliva that's across his cheek. "I SAID, GET OUT!" Bertha bellows, and lands a fierce kick right in his groin. Rather than respectfully leaving her place of residence, Bert commences crumpling and groaning, so Bertha exercises the rights of a homeowner when faced with an unwanted trespasser and blasts him in the face with some pepper spray that happens to be on the tool chest, followed by a high voltage electroshock with her cattle prod, that is never far from her reach just in case of situations like this. A girl never knows. Now, are we certain that Bert lied to Bertha when he originally told her he could fix cars? I'm not certain. Perhaps he didn't feel like fixing her car that day. Maybe he was taken aback by being ordered around during their date. Or, perhaps he did really lie. Maybe he just liked her so much that he figured, well, it's just a white lie ... and I'm sure I can read a manual or something if it ever gets down to it. If he lied, yep, that was wrong. I cannot believe, though, that it would be considered a break-up-worthy trespass of trust. Regardless, who looks like the bigger asshat in my story? Who looks like the biggest asshat in the original post?
Hot Chick Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 (edited) I think she dodged a bullet. You are not only an emotionally abusive a**hole, but a physically abusive one. Also, if you invited her over, SHE is the guest. YOU should be cooking for her, and usually the guest would offer to help, and cooking together is fun for couples to do together....but she is gone. I hope she isn't stupid enough to come back to an a**hat like you. Edited August 17, 2011 by Hot Chick
serial muse Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 Let's say you met a guy who claimed to be a successful lawyer or doctor and drove a shiny new Porsche. Later, you found out that the Porsche was a rental and the guy was actually a janitor. Ho would that make you feel? Now imagine what it must be like for the OP. The girl tells him she's a great cook...and it's clear that she has never cooked a meal in her life. How can he not feel misled? I wonder...did she tell him she's "a great cook"? I'm not so sure about that, either. I think that, as an earlier poster said, he was looking for a reason to kick her out. This is about that incident where she spoke to a guy in Spanish in front of the OP, and he didn't like it.
Els Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 If this thread were about a similar level of lie told by a man to a woman, the responses would be laughably different. Rofl, yeah. If a guy told a girl that he was a good handyman, she ordered him to fix her TV when he came to her apartment, and he did not/could not do it, and she kicked him out of her apartment for that, we would all totally cheer her on, right?
John Michael Kane Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 Rofl, yeah. If a guy told a girl that he was a good handyman, she ordered him to fix her TV when he came to her apartment, and he did not/could not do it, and she kicked him out of her apartment for that, we would all totally cheer her on, right? I would not.
John Michael Kane Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 ....I was being sarcastic. *facepalms* Oh I know you were, I was just being serious.
Author Shaun-Dro Posted August 17, 2011 Author Posted August 17, 2011 Many Latinas do not cook from boxes... they tend to use family recipes where they don't even use measuring cups... they just know how much of what to put in based on taste and experience, and watching their loved ones cook. It is possible your ex girlfriend knows how to cook food that her family likes, based on her roots. She probably never saw your box of stuffing before, and probably was not particularly pleased at making it, hence her question if you were sure. Many Latinos I know would sniff at a box of stuffing, but would be highly pleased with fajitas... nicely cooked meat with veggies, corn tortillas, and rice/beans on the side. A box of stuffing wouldn't cut it for many people, including me. So, I think you did wrong. About her lie... so maybe she doesn't know how to cook, not even ethnic food, but maybe she does. I would highly suggest calling her, apologizing for throwing her out of the house, and see if she would like to talk to you about it. Maybe she will say she doesn't know how to cook anything, or maybe she will say that she knows how to cook food her family likes, and not stuff in a box... Anyways, you really got to work at that temper, and learn how to resolve conflict without taking extremes. Throwing a women out of the house just for not cooking a box of stuffing is really sad. On a second thought, I think it's best if you don't call her, and get some counseling, cause seriously, I worry for any woman who has a boyfriend who would be so callous as to do something like that. I'd be worried you might hurt her in other ways. Throwing anybody out of the house is a very harsh emotional hit. I'd be traumatized if my fiance ever did that to me. I wanted her to leave and she refused. Like I said, she has a temper too, so she got physical with me more than I did. I simply wanted her gone at that time because I was frustrated, my blood pressure was high, and had other stresses going on in my life. My little honey was supposed to relieve all of that, and did for a while, but also did some irksome things to piss me off as well. I do miss her. I'm not going to deny that. I thought about calling her but I held back and considered dropping in to Target because I knew she would be working today, but I stopped myself on that too. Maybe I went overboard with snapping at her and loosing my cool but I've been lied to so much by women over the years that sometimes the tiniest white lie can stir the sauce.
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 Rofl, yeah. If a guy told a girl that he was a good handyman, she ordered him to fix her TV when he came to her apartment, and he did not/could not do it, and she kicked him out of her apartment for that, we would all totally cheer her on, right? Yeh, and don't forget that she had to use forceful methods like pepper spray because he didn't leave nicely the first time she asked. We've got to be proud of her for refusing to be bullied!
Easyguy14 Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 (edited) I wanted her to leave and she refused. Like I said, she has a temper too, so she got physical with me more than I did. I simply wanted her gone at that time because I was frustrated, my blood pressure was high, and had other stresses going on in my life. My little honey was supposed to relieve all of that, and did for a while, but also did some irksome things to piss me off as well. I do miss her. I'm not going to deny that. I thought about calling her but I held back and considered dropping in to Target because I knew she would be working today, but I stopped myself on that too. Maybe I went overboard with snapping at her and loosing my cool but I've been lied to so much by women over the years that sometimes the tiniest white lie can stir the sauce. you definitetly messed up in dumping this young girl over stuffing. thats just insane to me and clearly you have other issues at hand. and since you admitted to missing her and wanting to patch things up, give her a call and apologize. maybe you guys can apologize to each other and give your relationship another go. but in the future, get that hot temper under control for your own good. high blood pressure can be serious. victims of it have landed in my prep room more times than necessary. Edited August 17, 2011 by Easyguy14 missed a word
sally4sara Posted August 17, 2011 Posted August 17, 2011 Rofl, yeah. If a guy told a girl that he was a good handyman, she ordered him to fix her TV when he came to her apartment, and he did not/could not do it, and she kicked him out of her apartment for that, we would all totally cheer her on, right? For this scenario to be fair, she would have woken up and fixed his car stereo, hung out with him some and then asked him to fix the TV because it wasn't working and he had previously claimed he knew how to do such things. He fixed food for her earlier in the day. Reciprocity is not making undue demands. The rest is a bunch of stupidity on both parties. He should not have blown up when he could have asked her if she needed help getting acclimated to his kitchen and definitively sorted out what the hold up was about. Maybe she absolutely hates the food items he wanted prepared and didn't think reciprocity included fixing food she wouldn't be eating as well. Maybe it is outright that she lied and doesn't know how to fix a damn thing. As it stands right now - he doesn't really know what went wrong only that it did and he flipped - making it a worse situation rather than a better one. Traditional guys on here seem to go on and on about being a leader in the relationship and he did not handle it like a leader so he doesn't deserve a traditional relationship. When asked to leave his home, she should have left rather than push it to the physical. If someone smaller than me was in my home and I asked them to leave only to have them challenge me and force it to where I had to pick them up and put them out my door - they own some responsibility for that. Who doesn't leave the home of someone else when asked, especially when asked in a heated moment?
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