"I want to focus on me"

[XTAL]

My girlfriend blindsided me and broke up 4 days ago and I haven't had any contact with her since. She broke up with me in person which was a lot nicer than a text or phone call.

 

She broke up with me on the day she had her period, but has never been emotional while on her period in the past. She told me that she wants to focus on herself, that she wasn't sure if she was going to stay in state for school next year (hasn't looked anywhere it's only a thought), and doesn't want to deal with breaking up in a year on the offchance she leaves. I graduate tuis spring and she still has like another year too.

 

She said she feels obligated to always hang out with me or see what I'm doing first before doing anything else and has blown off hanging with some of her friends because of me. I've never been controlling of stuff she's done or told her to not hang out with someone to hang out with me.*

 

She told me that she loved me, but wasnt in love with me, and how she has feelings for me. She also said that she feels like we are two different people. While I was on vacation she said she did a lot of random things and did coke for the first time in a long time. Ive never given her a hard time about drugs she has done or did and she doesn't do them often at all.*

 

I asked her if there was anything I or we could so but she was set on separating. She was in like a 2 year relationship and we started dating like 2 months later and she would tell me how I was the best boyfriend she's ever had. I asked her out and she declined so I just waited until she was ready and when she was we started dating.*

 

Then 8 months later she blindsides me and tells me that it was too soon and she wants to have *independence. She said she wasn't seeing anyone else or interested in anyone else. She told me "it hard because you're my friend" and that wounded me really badly because we weren't friends, we were going out and she loved me as I did her.

 

My friend who works with her was telling me that she had gone through the same thing with her boyfriend and this was just a growing period for us (hope sucks).*

 

There werent like any signs that this *could have happened. She was the best thing that's happened to me and I really don't have any desire to "just be friends" right now. By the end of the talk she was on the verge of crying and I was too. She was everything I wanted in a girl and more. My only hope was that she'd been overly emotional. I've gone out to the bars, party's, boating everyday since our relationships ended and she's still all I'm thinking about.

 

I wanted to text her today that if she needed anything I was here, but I really have no desire to talk to her about how her day has been or how the weather is or what her plans are or what she's been up to.

 

I just don't know what to do thanks for your help/reading my novel

Edited July 31, 2011 by XTAL

[SelfControl]

This is going to be tough to see in the state you are in but keep reading it over and over until it makes sense.

 

In your post you said, "There werent like any signs that this *could have happened."

 

I think there was a sign. I know it may not seem obvious to you, but when you said she 'declined' the first time you asked her out, that was the biggest sign of all. This sign meant that her interest in you was 49% or lower from the start, which means you had no chance with her whatsoever. This is why she says that you are her friend. Her romantic interest in you was never high enough to be anything other.

 

Now, some people go out on dates, and even get involved with someone, even though their interest isn't high enough for it to have long term potential. Who knows, she might have been lonely, she may have wanted you to do things for her, her fridge may not have had any food in it, etc.

 

The bottom line is that if you look back at the initial decline to you asking her out, her breaking up with you later is easy to understand. In other words its easy to walk away from something you weren't that interested in to begin with.

 

With that being said, your ego will have a hard time understanding all this which is why I ask you read it over and over again. Once your ego accepts this, you will have a much healthier outlook to move on. It will aslo prepare you for how to interpret a woman's decline of a date in the future.

[XTAL]

That sounds logical and could very well be the case considering other information which I didnt post.