NoReallyThatHappened Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 I've been dating a man with who is divorced with one child(young school age). He and his ex-W have been separated/divorced for a little over four years and they don't get along very well at all. By the end of the marriage there was a lot of resentment on both sides. She had an affair and he resented her for that. He never got over the affair yet stayed in the marriage and didn't treat her well after that. I'm sure she resented him for that behavior. (I kind of have to guess at that, I've never met her.) The BF and I have discussed the future and think we have a great foundation for something like marriage one day. We wanted to make sure this was going to be a serious thing before I met his child. Neither my BF or his exW have had relationships since the divorce (at least not the kind where the new BF/GF met the child--as far as he knows she has never brought anyone around). My BF has been slowly introducing the idea of me, a relationship, and a possible wife and other children to his son. This has been met with age appropriate acceptance and fear and nothing I didn't expect. I think I'll probably meet in in the next month or two. Some of these talks have now filtered there way back to the exW. She has now started texting and asking things like are you engaged, are you planning to get married, etc. She said their son has mentioned that wanted a little brother or something to that effect. How much is he obliged to tell her. I want to be respectful, but I'm slightly terrified her reason for asking isn't anything more than trying to get information to manipulate him. I personally think the exW sounds a little nutty and has displayed some wildly inappropriate behaviors (calling his boss and accusing him of all sorts of wild stuff, calling co-workers she thinks he's involved with and impersonating customers to try to get information about him.) I think most of the behavior stems from continual hurt and anger on her part on how things worked out in her marriage and subsequent life. She's ticked that he left her and was able to move on and function without her. (There are lots of stories of her throwing and breaking things, ripping doors off hinges, screaming and stomping out of restaurants.) Is this woman going to hate me by default? How have others dealt with an exW who is still bitter. How can I help his son to see that I'm not trying to take his Mom's place and that I'm not trying to take any love away from him? Is she going to try to make their son hate me? My parents split before I was 1, so I understand the son's perspective in this a lot more than probably his own parents. I know what a good step parent does and what a bad one does. I totally get my "place" if that makes sense. I don't get how to deal with a woman who may be hell bent on making me miserable simply for existing. (The exW has told him before that if she ever found out he had moved on she would...and I quote..."make his life a living hell." She probably shouldn't have put that in an email. lol)
Ruby Slippers Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 This sounds daunting -- but it's basically the same as dealing with a partner's crazy family. It's up to him to protect your relationship against any intrusions she may try to make. If your relationship is strong and he is an independent, rational adult, he should be able to do that, yes?
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