Romantic_Lefty Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 Hey, I'm new to this and would like some advice and input. I broke up with my girlfriend of 2 yrs a couple months ago. Since then, i've done NC to try to deal with all this. Not even two weeks later, my ex texted me with a lot to say. She ended up telling me that she's been trying to be ok with the breakup (she did the breaking up) but has been missing me. A couple days later we had talked about getting back together and kind of did for awhile until she changed her mind again saying that maybe we should take the summer as friends and see what happens from there. Since then it seems we have switched roles and it seems like she is questioning even her last decision although i don't know. She didn't talk to me and now i miss her more than ever. My big question is, should i try to talk to her again and tell her how i feel? That i want to be with her or even try to be friends and see what happens from there!? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
Lone Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 hey bud,sorry to hear about your dilemma.after reading your post its my opinion that you shouldnt get in touch with her. and if she gets in touch with u then u shouldnt be the one to bring it up. its all mind games unfortunetly. i wish this wasnt the case and everyone could be completely forward and genuine but i think its more of a sub-concious thing.so yes i wouldnt tell her how u feel. shes needs to be kept on her toes...especially if u want her back...if u come out and say this and that then she knows she always has u there to fall back on or whatever. does this sound right?let me know. also have a look at my post and give me some advice i need it too!ta
mr.goodguy Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 Im with Lone. DO NOT tell her how you feel. Think of a relationship as if it were a card game. If you knew each other cards, there would be no tension, no excitement of wondering what the other person has. In the case of a relationship, everything is suppose to be a mystery, especially guy's feelings. Guy's who show their feelings are looked at as weak...and women are programmed to move from someone weak to someone stronger. That is why women go for the ******* type of boyfriends...because they generally do not care (it makes no sense, but whatever, that is how this stuff works). Be the man, accept the fact she threw the relationship to the side, and go NC. Disappear for a while, work out, yadda yadda yadda...golden rule, enjoy life! Your enjoyment should never be the result of having one particular person in your life. It starts with you, only you. Good luck
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 I agree with the others - don't unveil your strong feelings of wanting her back. "Take the summer as friends", as she suggested. The effort you make now in sticking to that will most likely bring your best chance at finding her romantic feelings strengthened toward you come the end of summer. A lot of this is a calculated risk... but you're merely playing by rules she suggested. If I were you, I wouldn't even go out of my way to initiated or even participate in "friend" dates through the end of summer. Most guys with girlfriends/wives who initiate breakups are quick to react to their being hurt with venomous responses from which there is usually no recovery. It too often escalates further from there. This week will mark the midway point of "summer", so just keep counting down the weeks.
Author Romantic_Lefty Posted August 1, 2011 Author Posted August 1, 2011 Thanks everyone for your input so far! I guess i was kinda thinking that if i talked to her about it i could see where we stood and or if i should just drop everything and start moving on/healing. But all of the advice so far sounds good. Even though we texted today some (she just won state softball tourney) i resisted to bring up anything. If you wanna hear more details on my story, give more input, or have me try to give advice ha, i'd be happy to help/listen! thanks again!
jchips Posted August 3, 2011 Posted August 3, 2011 Hey, Lefty. I know exactly what you're going through and I agree with everyone who's saying don't tell her how you feel, at least not yet. I'm a woman so I have a slightly different take on it though... I don't see it like you're withholding information & keeping tension high, like in a card game (although that makes perfect sense) and it's not mind games really. It's all about timing. Timing is everything. The way I see it, you want to wait until the right time for the most positive outcome, right? You want your words to have an impact, to bring her back around, yes? Maybe it is like cards, and maybe it is a little manipulative, but, h***. You care about this woman. You don't want to bare your heart to her just to have it hurt all over again. Have patience. When she circles back around (and I have a feeling she will,) wait until she brings up her feelings. When she has opened her heart to you, slowly begin to tell her your feelings. If you sense she's receptive, great- keep going. But once you start to open up, if it seems she's pulling back, you can save the rest for another time. And if there isn't another time, then you know where she's at with you. Hang in there Lefty & have some fun this summer!!!
Author Romantic_Lefty Posted August 3, 2011 Author Posted August 3, 2011 Haha. Wow. Even more clarity on the subject. Thanks jchips! It means a lot. And you are right about her. i want my words to have a big impact and stick with her and mean something. Like i use to. So i guess all i have to do now is wait. Easier said than done but i think i can handle it. The hard part is the having fun. Since breaking up its been hard to. Not because its usually got me down (which it does) but because we have so many mutual friends! And since the breakup its seemed hard to go have fun when you know if you try, she could be there.
jchips Posted August 4, 2011 Posted August 4, 2011 Lefty, it is hard to have fun when your heart & mind are all distracted. This may sound totally lame, so forgive me in advance, OK? But something that works for me is just acting like I AM on a date- with ME- and I want to show myself a really good time, and who knows better than me what's gonna make me happy? I try to be the best pal to myself that I can possibly be and make sure I'm doing everything I can to treat myself well. When you're treating yourself with respect and having a good time, believe me, if she shows up & sees you like that, it's going to make quite an impression. But don't fake it, really. Just truly be your own very best friend. Then, whether it works out with her or not, you've improved the most important relationship you'll ever have on Earth- the one with yourself. And Lefty, the reason I'm telling you all this is because I need to make sure I'm listening and taking my own advice. Good luck!
Author Romantic_Lefty Posted August 6, 2011 Author Posted August 6, 2011 thanks, and good luck to you too!
Author Romantic_Lefty Posted August 6, 2011 Author Posted August 6, 2011 So just recently i've learned she still thinks about me constantly too. And it almost seems like she does think about getting back together, but i'm not for sure. She also did mention that she wishes she could stop listening to other people and what they want and do what she wants. I don't EXACTLY know what that means, but it sounds like she is still getting pressure from her mom or doesn't wanna disappoint her mom. Do i wait and see if she stops worrying about other people or do i move on??? I love this girl to death and it seems to get more confusing as things go on!
lalalandman Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 Don't ever tell a girl how you feel. Show her how you feel.
Author Romantic_Lefty Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 hm. sounds solid. i'll have to try and figure something out. meanwhile, i have found out more. she does want things to change!! but...it is either her mom she is afraid of disappointing orr something else. how would a guy handle this!?! I feel like i should just tell her that if she does love me, its her choice and not anyone else's and ppl will just have to come around. but if it is her mom, i know how close she is with her and because her parents are split up it seems more complicated as she never wants to disappoint her mom. suggestions anyone!?
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