fortyninethousand322 Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 I need advice. For those who don’t know, I’m 23, (currently) unemployed, live at home, just graduated college and I’m also completely inexperienced with women. How do I deal with growing sexual and emotional frustration? I just graduated college and I’m looking for work (preferably non-retail) which I hope will enable me to move out of my parents’ house (I’m having a hard time, especially in the field I’m trying to get into). But for months/years now I have had a growing amount of sexual and emotional frustration. I’m not a bad looking guy and I’m not completely anti-social, I’ve just had some bad luck with women. The lack of sex and (most importantly) companionship has slowly been driving me mad. I could probably do some volunteer work or even grad school that could help me get some experience or skills that would help me get a better job, but in the meantime I won’t be getting any money, won’t be moving out, and will continue to do bad with women. How do I deal with this? What should my course of action be?
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted July 31, 2011 Author Posted July 31, 2011 Have a wank Thanks. That was very helpful...but the opposite.
cerridwen Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 Before I spew a much of stuff, I want to ask. Ever read any sports psychology or principles thereof?
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted July 31, 2011 Author Posted July 31, 2011 Before I spew a much of stuff, I want to ask. Ever read any sports psychology or principles thereof? You mean like John Wooden or Coach K type of stuff? Sure, a little bit.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 I think you're going to have a hard time meeting women while you have no job and live with your parents. I suggest that you focus your energy on finding a job and getting your own place. I've been on my own since the age of 17, with next to no support from my family, so I know it can be done. I think volunteering could be a good way to socialize and maybe make some friends. But I'd put 95% of my energy into finding a job and getting your own place. Once you've done those two things, you'll be in a position of strength, and can take the next steps.
KathyM Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 I need advice. For those who don’t know, I’m 23, (currently) unemployed, live at home, just graduated college and I’m also completely inexperienced with women. How do I deal with growing sexual and emotional frustration? I just graduated college and I’m looking for work (preferably non-retail) which I hope will enable me to move out of my parents’ house (I’m having a hard time, especially in the field I’m trying to get into). But for months/years now I have had a growing amount of sexual and emotional frustration. I’m not a bad looking guy and I’m not completely anti-social, I’ve just had some bad luck with women. The lack of sex and (most importantly) companionship has slowly been driving me mad. I could probably do some volunteer work or even grad school that could help me get some experience or skills that would help me get a better job, but in the meantime I won’t be getting any money, won’t be moving out, and will continue to do bad with women. How do I deal with this? What should my course of action be? Here is my suggested course of action: Find a full time job--the best you can possibly get, and move to your own place. Go to grad school that is meant for working adults, that has evening classes and/or online classes, and get your advanced degree. Learn how to approach women from whatever sources you can find--textbooks, online material, dating coaches, counselors. Get advice on ways you can improve yourself to make yourself more appealing to women. Project a positive attitutude, and don't complain or be pessimistic with women. Nothing will kill an interest faster than someone who is negative. Be the best you can be, develop your interests, improve your job situation, and move out of your parents house as soon as possible. That will go a long way to getting you into a relationship. And volunteer work is a good plan. You'll meet a lot of nice people that way.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted July 31, 2011 Author Posted July 31, 2011 I think you're going to have a hard time meeting women while you have no job and live with your parents. I suggest that you focus your energy on finding a job and getting your own place. I've been on my own since the age of 17, with next to no support from my family, so I know it can be done. I think volunteering could be a good way to socialize and maybe make some friends. But I'd put 95% of my energy into finding a job and getting your own place. Once you've done those two things, you'll be in a position of strength, and can take the next steps. That's exactly what I'm trying to do, so on that I agree 100%. The issue is that I'm having a hard time finding a job when my only work experience is in retail. So the conundrum is this: do I get a job (any job) just for the ability to get my own place, or do I try to focus on getting something a little more serious than working at a fast food joint?
KathyM Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 That's exactly what I'm trying to do, so on that I agree 100%. The issue is that I'm having a hard time finding a job when my only work experience is in retail. So the conundrum is this: do I get a job (any job) just for the ability to get my own place, or do I try to focus on getting something a little more serious than working at a fast food joint? Get any full-time job you can right now, until something better comes along. Move out of your parents' house as soon as you can. Nothing says loser more than an adult guy still living with his parents.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted July 31, 2011 Author Posted July 31, 2011 Here is my suggested course of action: Find a full time job--the best you can possibly get, and move to your own place. Go to grad school that is meant for working adults, that has evening classes and/or online classes, and get your advanced degree. Learn how to approach women from whatever sources you can find--textbooks, online material, dating coaches, counselors. Get advice on ways you can improve yourself to make yourself more appealing to women. Project a positive attitutude, and don't complain or be pessimistic with women. Nothing will kill an interest faster than someone who is negative. Be the best you can be, develop your interests, improve your job situation, and move out of your parents house as soon as possible. That will go a long way to getting you into a relationship. And volunteer work is a good plan. You'll meet a lot of nice people that way. I have a degree in Middle East Studies, I've been trying to get a job in intelligence or foreign policy. In that particular field I have found a grand total of 5 job openings (all government) in that field and so far 4 have rejected me (one outstanding State Dept. application that I'll know the verdict on in September). All of the private sector firms that have job openings require prior work experience and/or an active security clearance (I have neither). The only work experience I have is in retail, I would prefer not to go back into retail, but I have no idea what else I'm qualified for. I'm open to suggestions.
KathyM Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 I have a degree in Middle East Studies, I've been trying to get a job in intelligence or foreign policy. In that particular field I have found a grand total of 5 job openings (all government) in that field and so far 4 have rejected me (one outstanding State Dept. application that I'll know the verdict on in September). All of the private sector firms that have job openings require prior work experience and/or an active security clearance (I have neither). The only work experience I have is in retail, I would prefer not to go back into retail, but I have no idea what else I'm qualified for. I'm open to suggestions. Get a job in retail for now, since that is where you have experience, but continue to look for a better job in the meantime. And do start applying for grad school. I'm currently going to grad school right now, trying to get into the field I have always been interested in. You'll have more opportunities for employment with an advanced degree.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 Get any full-time job you can right now, until something better comes along. Move out of your parents' house as soon as you can. Nothing says loser more than an adult guy still living with his parents. I agree. Get the best full-time job you can get and start making some money. Move out as soon as you can. If you work and save for 1-2 months, you should have enough for the deposit and the first few months' rent. I wouldn't really worry about anything else until you have accomplished this. Believe me, I have worked some ridiculous jobs just for the paycheck. I had to if I wanted to survive.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted July 31, 2011 Author Posted July 31, 2011 I agree. Get the best full-time job you can get and start making some money. Move out as soon as you can. If you work and save for 1-2 months, you should have enough for the deposit and the first few months' rent. I wouldn't really worry about anything else until you have accomplished this. Believe me, I have worked some ridiculous jobs just for the paycheck. I had to if I wanted to survive. Ok, sounds reasonable enough. I guess I'm just worried that if in a few years time I try applying for an intelligence job they'll see only retail work and I'll be pigeon holed into retail for the rest of my life. And if that happens, I'll just look at my degree as completely worthless.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 Ok, sounds reasonable enough. I guess I'm just worried that if in a few years time I try applying for an intelligence job they'll see only retail work and I'll be pigeon holed into retail for the rest of my life. And if that happens, I'll just look at my degree as completely worthless. Like I said, I've worked a lot of weird jobs briefly when I had to, just to keep a paycheck coming in. Retail, telemarketing, university donor relations, even a restaurant. Future, quality employers in my direct field did not hold any of that against me. In the interviews, I emphasized my independence and strong work ethic. I think the best possible thing for you right now is to have some money rolling in, establish your independence, and start making your own life.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted July 31, 2011 Author Posted July 31, 2011 I also think my lack of female companionship has made me generally depressed, which has sapped some of my motivation to do anything. I guess I have to get over myself.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 A smart lady once told me: "Discipline is remembering what you want." When I'm feeling down or unmotivated, I try to remember what I'm striving for in the big picture. Maybe if you can view a job and your own place as logical steps in the progression of finding a good relationship, you will feel more motivated to make it happen?
antinko Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 I also think my lack of female companionship has made me generally depressed, which has sapped some of my motivation to do anything. I guess I have to get over myself. Make yourself happy before seeking additional happiness with another person - you'll be more attractive that way and will have greater success at forming a lasting and meaningful relationship. I'm certainly focusing on myself before I get into another relationship. Volunteer, get a suitable job for your skills while looking for something better and develop 'you' as a person. You're in a stage I was in only four years ago and you'll be fine.
Tayla Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 Get any full-time job you can right now, until something better comes along. Move out of your parents' house as soon as you can. Nothing says loser more than an adult guy still living with his parents. Woah...quite the judgmental statement. There are reasons in this day and age where its wiser for the graduated student to have time to save up. My uncle stayed at home til he was thirty, He dated and ended up marrying a fine lady! I'll tell him you called him a loser and ohh did I mention he stayed at home to tend to my granddad who had polio and needed help?? Ohh I get it , that makes no difference to you and your kind, a guy like that is still a loser. Blanket statements here kill me , Foot in mouth runs rampant. Sorry to the OP, but I get tired of folks making statements without considering scenarios that warrant differences...
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted July 31, 2011 Author Posted July 31, 2011 A smart lady once told me: "Discipline is remembering what you want." When I'm feeling down or unmotivated, I try to remember what I'm striving for in the big picture. Maybe if you can view a job and your own place as logical steps in the progression of finding a good relationship, you will feel more motivated to make it happen? Yeah. I mean for the past 5 years I was going to school full time while working part time. Since most of the people around me were in a similar situation I didn't really feel behind, except with girls obviously. Two or three years ago no one would have made a big deal about me living at home while going to school. I was doing something with my life (school). Now that I've graduated I'm not doing anything particularly great with my life and I'm still feeling that longing for emotional and physical intimacy. It's hard to describe I guess, but basically I feel like I completely wasted the last 5 years of my life. I didn't get a girlfriend, and I'm still having a hard time finding a job. I know it's probably just a particularly low moment for me but it's how I feel nonetheless. [/b] Woah...quite the judgmental statement. There are reasons in this day and age where its wiser for the graduated student to have time to save up. My uncle stayed at home til he was thirty, He dated and ended up marrying a fine lady! I'll tell him you called him a loser and ohh did I mention he stayed at home to tend to my granddad who had polio and needed help?? Ohh I get it , that makes no difference to you and your kind, a guy like that is still a loser. Blanket statements here kill me , Foot in mouth runs rampant. Sorry to the OP, but I get tired of folks making statements without considering scenarios that warrant differences... Yeah, I don't look at everyone who lives at home as a loser either. A lot of my friends still do. I want to move out because I want some more independence. I mean sure I do laundry and cook and pay my own bills and don't rely on my parents for anything but the roof over my head and the good advice they give me (plus their good company) but I'd like to experience life on my own for once. Most of my friends have lived on their own for at least a bit (during college) while I've lived in the same house where I share a small room with my brother. I'd like my own space, and (if it were to ever happen) a place to take a girl back to. I don't know this thread is just articulating the many things that disgust me about my life right now.
antinko Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 I live in the UK and it's not a good time to buy property right now as a first time buyer. First buy schemes and part rent-buy deals are a false economy. Mortgage companies expect ridiculous deposits as well - I don't quite have £15,000 of savings after three years in my chosen career. I did rent for a bit but it's throwing money down the drain for the illusion of independence and being the King of a castle so I'm back at home. Save your money for a decent house deposit and aim for lower monthly mortgage repayments, then you can claim your home as your own and you're making an investment. That's just my two pence.
KME39 Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 The first thing you need to do for an intelligence job is to take a lower level job within a government agency. See if you can work at a government contrator at a entry level position where the experience can be gained. Applying to the jobs directly doesn't give you a chance in hell without a clearance or experience. Also when they do a clearance expect them to look into your life deeply and people around you. A secret clearance is 7 years back and a top secret I think is closer to 10 years. Take a retail job while you are looking for something in your field. Because working retail is better than sitting at home doing nothing. Do you have a networking professional group in your area. Networking, Networking and more networking. Getting a Master's degree is ok but you need to do it while working full time. I just got my Master's degree last year while working full-time.
Ruby Slippers Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 It's hard to describe I guess, but basically I feel like I completely wasted the last 5 years of my life. I didn't get a girlfriend, and I'm still having a hard time finding a job. I know it's probably just a particularly low moment for me but it's how I feel nonetheless. Yeah, sometimes I feel like I made some bad decisions in the past, especially in the arena of love -- like giving up once-in-a-lifetime career opportunities in favor of relationships that didn't work out, anyway. I really want to kick myself sometimes when I think about that too much. But I know I was doing the best I could at the time. I'm sure the same is true for you. The past is gone. Don't let it weigh you down.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted August 1, 2011 Author Posted August 1, 2011 The first thing you need to do for an intelligence job is to take a lower level job within a government agency. See if you can work at a government contrator at a entry level position where the experience can be gained. Applying to the jobs directly doesn't give you a chance in hell without a clearance or experience. Also when they do a clearance expect them to look into your life deeply and people around you. A secret clearance is 7 years back and a top secret I think is closer to 10 years. Take a retail job while you are looking for something in your field. Because working retail is better than sitting at home doing nothing. Do you have a networking professional group in your area. Networking, Networking and more networking. Getting a Master's degree is ok but you need to do it while working full time. I just got my Master's degree last year while working full-time. Since you sound like you know what you're talking about, what kind of things do they look for? I mean I don't have any radical associations, no criminal record, and none of my friends do either. The rest of your post was good, and I'll take your advice. I just wondered about that in particular.
betterdeal Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 Ok, sounds reasonable enough. I guess I'm just worried that if in a few years time I try applying for an intelligence job they'll see only retail work and I'll be pigeon holed into retail for the rest of my life. And if that happens, I'll just look at my degree as completely worthless. Just now, what they'll see is unemployed and you'll be pigeon holed as unemployed. Look, retail is a means to an end. It's honest work, it needs doing and it gets paid. And why wait a few years to apply for work in your preferred field? Apply all the time. If your chosen field needs experience in public sector jobs, apply for those, at any level in any department, whilst you're flipping burgers. You're in a low spot right now and have identified three things that bug you: work, home, love life. Work is the easiest to improve, so improve that. You'll feel better for it. You'll be in a slightly higher spot. Keep your eye out for better jobs. In a couple of months, you'll have the cash to maybe get a room in a shared place. So now you have your own place, work mates, house mates, cash in your pocket. What with all that extra social exposure from being at work and house mates and being out of your folks, your chances of being seen by some lovely young woman will have increased factorially. So you'll be at an even higher point. And you'll still be looking out for a job that will advance your career. Hell, you might get promoted from flipping burgers to assistant manager. It's not what you had planned, but it pays better and it shows you have initiative. And you do evening courses to keep up to date with foreign affairs etc. And put money aside, so that maybe in 4-5 years you can take time out if you're still in retail and do unpaid work experience to get into your chosen field. Just keep on keeping on. And if you crave female company, have a wank. It's just having sex with someone you love.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted August 1, 2011 Author Posted August 1, 2011 Just now, what they'll see is unemployed and you'll be pigeon holed as unemployed. Look, retail is a means to an end. It's honest work, it needs doing and it gets paid. And why wait a few years to apply for work in your preferred field? Apply all the time. If your chosen field needs experience in public sector jobs, apply for those, at any level in any department, whilst you're flipping burgers. You're in a low spot right now and have identified three things that bug you: work, home, love life. Work is the easiest to improve, so improve that. You'll feel better for it. You'll be in a slightly higher spot. Keep your eye out for better jobs. In a couple of months, you'll have the cash to maybe get a room in a shared place. So now you have your own place, work mates, house mates, cash in your pocket. What with all that extra social exposure from being at work and house mates and being out of your folks, your chances of being seen by some lovely young woman will have increased factorially. So you'll be at an even higher point. And you'll still be looking out for a job that will advance your career. Hell, you might get promoted from flipping burgers to assistant manager. It's not what you had planned, but it pays better and it shows you have initiative. And you do evening courses to keep up to date with foreign affairs etc. And put money aside, so that maybe in 4-5 years you can take time out if you're still in retail and do unpaid work experience to get into your chosen field. Just keep on keeping on. And if you crave female company, have a wank. It's just having sex with someone you love. Yeah I hear ya. At the last place I was at they wanted to promote me from sales associate, probably would have promoted me to assistant manager if I had asked for it. I was miserable there so I left (after 9 years). I guess I just don't want to wake up at 35 with two kids and be stuck in a job I don't like just because it was easy and I didn't know what else to do. I tend to settle way too easily and I have no doubt I would settle for a bad job and just coast. I don't want to sound conceited, but I'm a smart and innovative guy and I don't want to waste my talents. I don't know, I really have a lot to think about.
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