A Co-worker!!

[Humate]

So basically I've come on here to ask you all about a little thing I have for a co-worker. Yes, it seems risky doing the whole "relationship at your workplace type thing" but what I'm basically trying to figure out whether this girl would be worth pursuing or simply "dating".

 

Her and I work in a similar area but due to the fact that we are both part time we don't get the chance to see each other much. Ever since I first worked with her six months ago our conversations kind of just "flow". We can basically say about anything to one another but most of the time we are forced to discuss work related things only due to the nature of our job. But that is the problem. I Feel that we have a chemistry but we don't know a lot about each other such as our interests and other hobbies. We do talk about our life outside work occasionally but we rarely get the chance (we are both students).

 

I feel in a way I've missed my chance though. You know, the whole "being friend zoned" thing after a certain period of time? I don't know whether all that stuff is true in that you only have a certain window of opportunity when it comes to asking a woman out. And that's the thing I am worried about. I think I am actually a little scared about being rejected, and then having to deal with working with one another. I mean, I would take it like a man if I was and would be dissapointed but I could not help feel that those feelings would go away. Do they ever once you are rejected by someone and stay as friends??

 

The reason why I feel that I may be rejected is that in a workplace, you are sort of forced to act differently than what you do outside. So it would be of major disappointment if I find out that we just didn't have that chemistry like we do when it comes to work related stuff.

 

I had a failed relationship a few months ago. I was attracted to her before this relationship and I realise now after it, I'm still attracted to her! The only reason I went for this other woman at the time was because she came onto me so fiercely and me, as clueless as I am about relationships (it was my first one btw and I'm 21!) did not realise it was a "rebound". When my relationship failed, I talked to her about it alot and she admitted to me a while after it all happened that she "disliked" my ex very much (she knew her) and as she was talking about it we kind of clicked on the whole "deeper values" type thing, like talking about her we both admire things like trust, respect, honestly etc as the most important things in a relationship. She seemed really happy when I said that my failed relationship was the worst decision that I had ever made and that there is someone better out there. I think this was the point where I said to myself "yep, I'm into this girl!" but like I said before, we don't know a lot about each other than work and obviously, dating her would be the next step in "getting to know her better".

 

But the thing I'm also concerned about is whether I'm just "mis-interpreting" the signs. Today she had a stressful day and I said things to her and at the end she smiled and said to me, "thanks for cheering me up". We do tend to do the whole "Smilling each other thing for no reason". When she was adjusting her hair she let me feel it. Are these signs that she is into me? Or have I entered the dreaded "friend zone"? Because I want to ask her out somehow but the two reasons; Being a co-worker and knowing her for too long, seem to be in the way.

 

Maybe I should just man up and ask her, up the flirting and such (never been quite good at this) at the risk of being rejected..or maybe I need to back away?? I fear that I have built up an image of someone she is in my mind but could be completely different IF I dated her outside work.

Edited July 31, 2011 by Humate

[smudge21]

Test the water before jumping in. Ask her if she fancies a coffee or something basic like that. Just a friendly chat like you currently do but outside of work. That's got to be better than just jumping in with asking her out officially. It's clear that she likes your company, so take it one step further and get out of the workplace.

 

The whole friend zone thing is an odd one and you have to remember that it goes both ways. I know currently two girls that I get along with but I've pretty much friend zoned them now and would never consider it, so for all you know she may be thinking the same thing, that you're only interested in friends.

 

You need to move things along but because of work, take it steady. Nothing worse than having feelings for someone and they don't feel the same, and also having to see them each and every day.

[Humate]

Thanks for the reply. You brought up a very good point about what she might be thinking. Maybe the fact that I went into another relationship after meeting her may indeed thinks that I only fancy her as friend. Well, looks like I might have to test the waters a little and see how we go "outside" the world of work.