1890 Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 I just wanted some advice as I am going through a really hard time atm, Last year my partner finished work and came home and told me he is leaving me I was really shocked as this had come out of nowhere . 3 days before I has just had an abortion as I found i was pregnant with twins and one had died and the other was really weak. I was still devastated as what I had been through and for him to leave me at a time like that it was awful. I started getting my life back but it was so hard and painful as i missed him so much. Two months later i got a text from him saying he was missing me and we decided to give it another go. Earlier this year I lost my nan and i watched her die in my arms i found it a really traumatic and have never really got the image of her dying out of my head. I have been suffering with really bad stress and anger and i take alot of it out on my partner. Ive tried to get help with my depression and anger but the doctors just give you tablets. My partner has came home this morning after an argument and told me he is leaving me again , he said he cant cope with the stress and arguing and that it is over for good even though he still loves me but he said he will learn not to love me. I am completely devastated i dont think i am going to be able to cope he is my everything. we live together but he has moved out and to pack my things and move out myself is going to be awful. How can i get it across to him not to give up on me and that i am going to sort my issues out with help .
Sebastian76 Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 I'm very sorry for you. It's a really bad situation. As I see it, you need to compartmentalize your problems and deal with them seperately. Otherwise it will totally overwhelm you and leave you paralyzed. You wont know which problems add what to your depression and it will be very difficult to deal with the different problems logically and balanced. First of all you should see a counselor to confront the post traumatic stress that you're suffering from (both the abortion and the friend dying). These are very serious events that will torn you for a long long time unless you deal with them appropriately. This you absolutely have to do!! Don't think that pills will heal anything, they'll just numb you to not feel anything. As soon as you let go of them, nothing is fixed. Secondly, realize that loosing your bf seems worse than it is because he was your life line at a time when everything else was in chaos. You cannot leave it up to others whether you're happy or not. You must be able to be happy on your own, because the only person you can count on staying with you forever is you. So treat yourself well. Start doing things you used to like, even though you must force yourself to do it in the beginning. Begin seeing and talking to friends old and new. And this cannot recommend strongly enough: start to work out. It works bloody magic. Just trust that it will do you good and start working on your own happiness. You are the master of your own happiness, but it takes work, it doesn't just come to you if you sit in couch and wait. Oh and by the way, from my perspective it's a great win for you to get rid of that guy. He's a weak selfish a55hole, leaving you only days after your abortion. No man with a pair of balls would sink to such low levels and leave their gf like that. He's a weak f.....g looser if you ask me and no it's not you who worthless it's him! Best, / Seb
Mack05 Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 (edited) Sadly 1890 he is just not the right guy for you. The traumatuc times in your life recently when you needed your ex to be a man, he ran like a coward. A real man doesn't leave. He shows his partner that he can be a rock for her when she needs him. It hurts terribly when someone we loved, someone we believed would always by there for us, tucks tail and run when the tough times come. Some people (for various reasons) are just not able to cope with strain, drama or pressure. They are fine when there is a status quo but as soon as that is broken they fold like origami. You simply cannot rely on a guy like this. Even though you feel devastated right now, this is life telling you that he is not the right guy for you... It's great at the start when everything is easy. It's when the going gets tough to you really see the person who you are with. You deserve so much better then him and one day you will get it. You have so much to grieve for. Take your time focus on yourself. When the time is right you will find 'a real man' who will mean so much more to you then this coward ever will.. I agree with Seb above. I think its very important to get yourself to counselling. All this could end up overwhelming you.. Edited July 31, 2011 by Mack05
Author 1890 Posted August 2, 2011 Author Posted August 2, 2011 he came round to pick the rest of his things up today and i asked him if i would be wasting my time fighting for him back . And he said thats my choice not his . what does this mean
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