Should I use the "no contact" rule if she wants to spend time with me?

[TheDovic]

My ex broke up with me three weeks ago (Due to a lot of stress linked to her demanding job, wedding coming up, just bought a new house, very low self esteem on her part, plus we allegedly had "changed").

 

For the first two weeks she called at our house almost everyday flirting (toy fighting, hitting, trying to pull a towel off me when I got out of the shower etc...) and telling me she loves me and fancies me more than she has ever fancied anyone. She has also left all of her clothes and most of her possessions in our house. Plus the day before we broke up she renewed her driving licence to our new address rather than her parents (I mean, why would she have done that if she knew she was thinking of breaking up?)

 

Then for the last week I have been less available so she has been texting ten times per day looking to know how I am, what I'm doing etc. Her messages are quite flirty too i.e. always calling me pet names or making fun of me in a playful way.

 

During all of this time (barring the first week) I have not allowed myself to seem weak or emotional in front of her and have tried to be the fun confident person she fell in love with. This seemed to be working because she kept trying to make plans to do things together i.e. take trips to IKEA to buy things for our house (but why would she care when she's moved out?)

 

My concern is she is using this contact to alleviate her own guilt about breaking up with me, plus the more she gets used to having contact on her terms the easier the breakup will have been for her..... So I decided to follow the advice of a "get her back" book (well several actually) and cut contact with her to let her get a taste of what life is like without me. I told her yesterday and she got really angry because she didn't want this.

 

My question is, did I need to cut contact or was I making headway by allowing her to be in my life?

 

Thanks,

 

TheDovic

[Sebastian76]

Yeah I think you should go forward with NC and let her know that you cannot accept living in this kind of limbo any longer. You love her, but have to take care of yourself, now that she officially have dumped you. As you say, make it as hard for her to be without you as possible, i.e. NC. She should figure out what she really wants, and only then take contact. If you allow her to do this to you for much longer she'll loose all respect for you and what attraction is left at the same time. I know it's hard as hell and I'm sorry for you, but what you read in those books (ex2?) is pretty accurate in my experience. Only one thing you should know: Playing the game of 'I'm over you and don't need you' in order to reevoke her attraction, will not work unless you are really over her. You cannot fake it forever, she knows you too well, and eventually she will find out that it was all a mascarade and will call your bluff.

 

Do what you need to do. If you do things right I believe you can get her back from the sound of things. Most posts on here don't give any hope for reconciliation.

 

// Sebastian