dave234 Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 I need an advice regarding this problem that seems to happen on a frequent basis. I have been dating my girl friend for 5 years and we have had our ups and downs as you can image. We have been through only two break ups and both were really short (less than 3 weeks) considering that we both do not like to be apart. The past break ups do not bother me any more since they were break ups very early in the relationship, but there are a few things that are bothering me that have been ongoing. My girlfriend goes on vacations/ trips way too often with her parents. In the 5 years that I have been with her, they have gone on over 30 trips to places like Vegas, Disney Land, Cruises, trips to Europe, etc. Now I don't mind if she goes on these trips, but I have not been invited to a single one. This is cause for concern. My own family is pressuring me to break up with her in part because she can't put me ahead of the reoccuring trips that she keeps going on or at least invite me on some of them. Some of you reading this post may be wondering why we are not married yet if we have been dating over 5 years. I have tried asking her to marry me 2 years ago, but at that time, my girl friend was not ready for that type of commitment. I pressured her at that time which was a mistake, but quickly learned and backed off of the idea. To be completely honest, its like she still has not grown up at all. She's 25 years of age and she's still going to Disney Land with her parents? When is this going to stop (probably never)? Ok that's all the stuff that's been bothering me, now to tell you the positive side of our 5 year relationship. We are still sexually active, we still enjoy each others company. We still go out on dates. When we were either broken up or in a fight she could not get over her tears until I forgave her. I love her and cannot stand to be without her as well. In fact, as of this moment she's in California doing her Disney Land stuff with her parents while I am bored out of my mind typing this post . Any advice on how I should proceed on this matter would be appreciated. Please let me know if you need any other information if you are having trouble forming your opinion.
Citizen Erased Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 Have you asked her why you haven't been invited along?
Author dave234 Posted July 31, 2011 Author Posted July 31, 2011 I have asked and the answer to your question is that her and her parents will invite me on these trips when I have actually married her. Her family is extremely conservative and traditional so I do believe her when she says this.
Citizen Erased Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 Ok... So she doesn't want to get married but you can't be included in things because you haven't married her. That's pretty nuts. Have you tried organising a trip for just you two? That would be far more enjoyable than one with her parents.
Author dave234 Posted July 31, 2011 Author Posted July 31, 2011 Well you have it partially right... It was 2 years ago that she did not want to get married, but present day its a different story. Now we are in reverse rolls, she wants to get married but now I am unsure about is as you can image. To answer your question, I did want to plan trip with her but her parents wont let her go on a trip with me until we are married. They are very controlling.
Author dave234 Posted July 31, 2011 Author Posted July 31, 2011 Also, what I mean by trip is taking her out of San Antonio for a couple of days. Her parents find that unreasonable. They want her back home by the end of the night (sigh I feel like I am dating a 16 year old).
Author dave234 Posted July 31, 2011 Author Posted July 31, 2011 This is not the kind of advice I was looking for. Can we be serious here?
Ruby Slippers Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 Do you really want to be married to someone who allows herself to be controlled by her parents to this extent? If you marry her, you will be allowed to take her on trips and go with them, but in what other ways will they interfere in your life and continue to control her? In healthy adulthood, a marriage takes priority over parent-child relationships -- because you and she are no longer children. You're adults now, with your own lives.
Author dave234 Posted July 31, 2011 Author Posted July 31, 2011 Do you really want to be married to someone who allows herself to be controlled by her parents to this extent? If you marry her, you will be allowed to take her on trips and go with them, but in what other ways will they interfere in your life and continue to control her? In healthy adulthood, a marriage takes priority over parent-child relationships -- because you and she are no longer children. You're adults now, with your own lives. Thanks for the objective feedback. I was surprised by your response because this is only half of what they want to control. Her parents also want to help her and I buy a house in their neighborhood. Now at this point I really don't need help with the down payment of purchasing a new home, but even when I told them that I would like to live out in a different area (still the same city) they gave me a really hard time about it.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 Thanks for the objective feedback. I was surprised by your response because this is only half of what they want to control. Her parents also want to help her and I buy a house in their neighborhood. Now at this point I really don't need help with the down payment of purchasing a new home, but even when I told them that I would like to live out in a different area (still the same city) they gave me a really hard time about it. Be very careful. I was in a relationship with a guy with a controlling family, similar to your girlfriend's. They interfered in our life in many ways and totally disrupted our peace of mind. They tried to control where we lived in relation to them. We were looking at houses in this one up-and-coming neighborhood, and they had a hissy fit about it -- because that neighborhood was too far from them. His family tried to intrude on everything we did. If we took a vacation together, they asked why we didn't invite them. They called us constantly and dropped in on us without warning, even though we asked them to call before they came over. They offered lots of material support, but that ALWAYS came with a hefty price, plus interest. Through the course of our relationship, their behavior got crazier and crazier. My boyfriend did not sufficiently protect our relationship from their smothering intrusions. Eventually, I had to leave.
Author dave234 Posted July 31, 2011 Author Posted July 31, 2011 She is 25 and they want her home at the end of the night(she lives at her parent's house?) You will not be invited on a family trip until you are both married. You've been together for 5 years and it looks like you love each other, I think. She will not marry you yet. hmmm what a f'cked up situation. It comes down to this.... You need to tell her she needs to let her parents and their rules go, she's 25 and it's time she put forth you and her own life rather than continue being under her paren'ts rule. If she lives at home, she needs to move out. Is she indian by any chance? that would explain a lot. Sometimes their rules on marriages ect ect are extremely strict as in the woman not being able to leave the house until married. She's not Indian, she just comes from an extremely traditional family. Basically you don't move out until your married etc. I actually did try getting her to move in with me a couple of years ago and that was met with extreme resistance by her parents. Her dad threatened to cut her out of the family will (I highly doubt he would have done this). If she moved in with me. Things that happened those couple of years ago have cooled off present day but it is something else to note.
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