sad song Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 OK- first time here and i need some serious advice- especially female- married over 12 years- love her deeply- she is a minister- recently she began to travel for work- began hanging with an officer of the church- older by 15 years- hes married with 13 yr old. He is friend- he came over often- we threw parties- he and my wife began working on campaigns that will take them out of town- I have discovered they are not only having sex but are in love. I have been miserable- cant believe it has been so in my face. I saw texts where we are out and she is texting him at table while with me- saying shes having to act like her old self to get through- I have evidence- I can tell she is NOT in this relationship but that one- considering filing for divorce as a wake up call to her - do I do this? how do I handle it? Ive been trying to talk about us and have been diligent for months- big birthday- travel- making love- being a lover- and all the while our realtionship has slipped further and further away- The she is just sleep walking through our relationship and is a little pissed that Im not a happy camper- Im desperate for answers please help me
2sunny Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 have you told her you know? it's not a question to ask her at this point - it is a blatant fact stated as the obvious... like: "i know you're cheating with so and so - and i'm filing for divorce and telling his wife and the church." then see what she says to that.
2.50 a gallon Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 Sorry that you find yourself posting here Sorry to say but she and he have to be exposed to the flock, she is in a position of leadership and must be responsible to those she is misguiding
robf1971 Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 - she is a minister- It doesn't matter if she's Maggie Thatcher, pack her stuff up and throw it out for the dustmen.
Lucid1 Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 The hardest part for you is going to be accepting that she is doing what she's doing. I hear the same denial in your message that I had, and it caused me untold grief. Get past that, figure out how to accept it as your new reality, and then figure out how to disentangle yourself from the whole situation. It does sound like she's gone, as irrevocably as if she was on Mars. I'm sorry for you, been there, suffered it, and know what it's like. If you're a reader try this: http://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Fall-Apart-Difficult/dp/1570629692/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1312138859&sr=8-1
Mz. Pixie Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 If you are considering divorce the first thing I would do is to gather my evidence and make sure I have it somewhere safe before I file. You want to have your proof to use as leverage. Since they are both in the "church" then no doubt they are going to want to protect their reputations which will work in your favor. She is not going to try to work things out with you while she's actively involved in the affair with him. Once you have secured your proof have you considered telling his wife? They call it exposure. I would only do this if I wanted to work on the marriage. The best way to start the marriage on it's way to recovery is to bust up the affair and expose it to the light of day so it ends. I would suggest reading at marriagebuilders if you have not already done so. Also a great book is surviving an affair.
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