Southofthebay Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 Okay, so I recently got dumped by my ex-girlfriend of 4.5 years. That's a whole different discussion. But I'm starting to have doubts that she was a virgin. When I first started dating her she was 18, I was 20. She told me that she had sex with 3-4 different guys before. Then others times she would say 5, she never really gave me a solid answer. She told me about 3 boyfriends, once which was bout 6 months and one 3 months. The thing is we dated for about a year before she decided to tell me she was a Virgin when we first had sex. We had sex about a month after we started hanging out, possibly about 2-3 weeks after first kiss. I vaugely remember the first time(if I would have known it was her first time I would remember every second of it). After the first time we just started going at it all the time. Funny thing is she hardly remembered our first time. We date for about a year, but I never get serious with her. Yeah, she was known as my woman but I never told her, hey you're my girlfriend now(this was because at first I couldn't take her serious because I knew her ex, and this was also fuled but rumors of her+ I really wanted to be with a virgin girlfriend, I think she knew this). So comes the day she decides to tell me she was a virgin. It was her bday party at some hotel. During the party, she took me into the restroom, and with tears in her eyes said me she wants to tell me something. I ask her what? and she tells me with what seemed to be all the sincerety in the world that the first time we had sex was her first. This was when I comepletly fell in love with her because I had not been with a virgin before(or so I thought). I asked her why she lied to me, and she said because she was scared I would not like her or take her serious. That at all did no make sense to me. After this our relationship was awsome for three more years until a sudden stop last month on my birthday(when she dumped me). I always figured yeah, it makes sense she was a virgin, she was deeply in love with me. She got my name tattood on her body. She was always willing to see me any time of day or night. But what I found strange is that she didn't tell her best friend I was her first. We had a closure "date" last week where we just completely burried it, well I did(I was trying to get back with her for the whole month after a short NC period). She told me " you told mayra(her friend) I was a virgin when we first had sex?" I said yes.. She said that's okay I don't have a problem with it, I just never told her. I was thinking, what if her friend knew something else, why wouldn't her best friend know this??. She also mentioned that maybe the fact that we stayed with each other so long is because we were both each others first. Another thing that is really ironic is about two weeks after my now ex told me she was a virgin at her bday party, my ex ex calls(together for 1.5yrs high school thing). And randomly calls just to tell me that I was her first. For the whole time we were together she told me she had sex once or twice with her ex boyfriend. My ex ex and I met when she was still a virgin and slightly went out. But she disapeard and I heard from her about 6 months later after she supposedly had sex with this guy and went out with him. My ex ex knew I had a issue with the fact that I wasn't her first, because she basicly took a break on me just do lose it and then come back to me, it bothered me. But strangely over a year later after being broken off, she calls me and tells me this. I took it as a lie. I assumed she said that to try to get me back in some way because at the time she was pregnant and just finished leaving an abusive boyfriend. I just spoke to my uncle who has a lot of life experience. He said he had plenty of virgins in his young life, and that I would have noticed if she was a virgin. There would have been blood, it would have been so tight that it would possibly even hurt me. Basicly I would have known the difference. I don't remember any of this, besides being tight and very shy about the situation and also seemed completely unexperienced. If she wasn't a virgin that means our relationship started from a lie.. 4.5 years was one giant lie.. I would have never been with her! Now I'm starting to believe all those rumors I used to hear when we first started dating. 4.5 years would be one big giant lie, one big laugh in my face. She started our relationship with a huge lie, and ended it on my birthday over some fake excuse of me being unfaithfull when she knew I wasn't. Do you guys think she lied to me? am I over thinking this? I've heard some girls don't bleed, but.. I don't know. I've always kind of questioned it deep in the back of my head but I trusted her word. Now that she's gone and she completely shattered me and did me wrong during our break up. I'm starting to see a different side of her..
zlatnapolja Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 Okay, so I recently got dumped by my ex-girlfriend of 4.5 years. That's a whole different discussion. But I'm starting to have doubts that she was a virgin. When I first started dating her she was 18, I was 20. She told me that she had sex with 3-4 different guys before. Then others times she would say 5, she never really gave me a solid answer. She told me about 3 boyfriends, once which was bout 6 months and one 3 months. The thing is we dated for about a year before she decided to tell me she was a Virgin when we first had sex. We had sex about a month after we started hanging out, possibly about 2-3 weeks after first kiss. I vaugely remember the first time(if I would have known it was her first time I would remember every second of it). After the first time we just started going at it all the time. Funny thing is she hardly remembered our first time. We date for about a year, but I never get serious with her. Yeah, she was known as my woman but I never told her, hey you're my girlfriend now(this was because at first I couldn't take her serious because I knew her ex, and this was also fuled but rumors of her+ I really wanted to be with a virgin girlfriend, I think she knew this). So comes the day she decides to tell me she was a virgin. It was her bday party at some hotel. During the party, she took me into the restroom, and with tears in her eyes said me she wants to tell me something. I ask her what? and she tells me with what seemed to be all the sincerety in the world that the first time we had sex was her first. This was when I comepletly fell in love with her because I had not been with a virgin before(or so I thought). I asked her why she lied to me, and she said because she was scared I would not like her or take her serious. That at all did no make sense to me. After this our relationship was awsome for three more years until a sudden stop last month on my birthday(when she dumped me). I always figured yeah, it makes sense she was a virgin, she was deeply in love with me. She got my name tattood on her body. She was always willing to see me any time of day or night. But what I found strange is that she didn't tell her best friend I was her first. We had a closure "date" last week where we just completely burried it, well I did(I was trying to get back with her for the whole month after a short NC period). She told me " you told mayra(her friend) I was a virgin when we first had sex?" I said yes.. She said that's okay I don't have a problem with it, I just never told her. I was thinking, what if her friend knew something else, why wouldn't her best friend know this??. She also mentioned that maybe the fact that we stayed with each other so long is because we were both each others first. Another thing that is really ironic is about two weeks after my now ex told me she was a virgin at her bday party, my ex ex calls(together for 1.5yrs high school thing). And randomly calls just to tell me that I was her first. For the whole time we were together she told me she had sex once or twice with her ex boyfriend. My ex ex and I met when she was still a virgin and slightly went out. But she disapeard and I heard from her about 6 months later after she supposedly had sex with this guy and went out with him. My ex ex knew I had a issue with the fact that I wasn't her first, because she basicly took a break on me just do lose it and then come back to me, it bothered me. But strangely over a year later after being broken off, she calls me and tells me this. I took it as a lie. I assumed she said that to try to get me back in some way because at the time she was pregnant and just finished leaving an abusive boyfriend. I just spoke to my uncle who has a lot of life experience. He said he had plenty of virgins in his young life, and that I would have noticed if she was a virgin. There would have been blood, it would have been so tight that it would possibly even hurt me. Basicly I would have known the difference. I don't remember any of this, besides being tight and very shy about the situation and also seemed completely unexperienced. If she wasn't a virgin that means our relationship started from a lie.. 4.5 years was one giant lie.. I would have never been with her! Now I'm starting to believe all those rumors I used to hear when we first started dating. 4.5 years would be one big giant lie, one big laugh in my face. She started our relationship with a huge lie, and ended it on my birthday over some fake excuse of me being unfaithfull when she knew I wasn't. Do you guys think she lied to me? am I over thinking this? I've heard some girls don't bleed, but.. I don't know. I've always kind of questioned it deep in the back of my head but I trusted her word. Now that she's gone and she completely shattered me and did me wrong during our break up. I'm starting to see a different side of her.. This thread kind of makes me sick. First of all i dont think she was lying. if she was lying she would have told you from the start she was a virgin, not come up with it after such a long time. Second... Did you love the girl or not? Is she worth less if she had sex before you? 'this was because at first I couldn't take her serious because I knew her ex, and this was also fuled but rumors of her', that awefull. 'I just spoke to my uncle who has a lot of life experience. He said he had plenty of virgins in his young life, and that I would have noticed if she was a virgin. There would have been blood, it would have been so tight that it would possibly even hurt me.' Not every girl bleeds. When I lost my virginity (I was forced by my ex and his best friend:mad:) I didnt bleed. And 'he had plenty of virgins in his young life' is an extremely disrespectfull way to talk about this. I understand if its your first time, that you want it to be the girls first time too, but talking about it like this is not very nice.
Author Southofthebay Posted July 31, 2011 Author Posted July 31, 2011 (edited) Honestly, I did love her. It's just at the time I wanted to mary a girl that was a virgin. I don't know why, I think it's the way I was raised(religious). I didn't mean any disrespect, but that's what he told me. I wasn't out there slaying every virgin I met. I didn't have a girlfriend until I was 16. She was my second girlfriend. And yes, her ex boyfriend was a peice of **** scum bag. I'm sorry, but that's how I felt at the time. I wouldn't be able to take a girl serious who said she had been with 5 guys then changes her answer. According to what she was telling me at first she had sex with mora than double the amount of people I did(which was 2). I wanted a calm honest, girlfriend that wasn't known around like that. And I'm sorry that happened to you. I did not mean any disrespect. It's just this girl completely did me wrong during the break up. I'm feeling as if our relationship was one big lie. And I do not mean to talk about it like that, but I was just trying to describe what he told me, which was not the experience I had the first time I had sex with her. Edited July 31, 2011 by Southofthebay
Hazel_eyes Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 (edited) I apologize if I misunderstood anything you wrote. It is late and I am tired, so please feel free to correct me if I am wrong on anything It doesn't sound like she was your first. But even if she was you had sex with her then afterwards kept your ex girlfriend at a distance for a time (you said you viewed her as not your girl) because you wanted to find a girlfriend that had to be a virgin. But you are allowed to have had past partners? I think that you need to do some serious soul searching and think maturely about relationships. It is ridiculous, for example, to demand your serious significant other to never have had sex, never smoked, never drank, and never watched a movie past pg yet you run around and sleep around, smoke, drink, and watch nc17 movies (not saying you do those things, just an example). I saved myself for marriage, that was just my religious belief. I expected my husband to love God and his future wife enough to do the same. And because he holds those same beliefs he saved himself for me as well. I guess what I am saying is that your expectations of what is proper behavior for yourself and what is proper behavior for a girlfriend is hypocritical, it's a double standard. As a girl who worked hard to preserve her chastity when I started to fall for guys that acted like you I dumped them for it. It was also horrifying to me the the number of guys that tried their best to take that virginity from me as if it is some trophy to be won, and they would pressure me multiple times about it. Those guys would also get kicked to the curb. I hope you are not a guy like that, just trying to hunt some virgin numbers trophy so to speak. There is nothing respectable about that mindset... Also, just my opinion, I believe she probably was a virgin. For some reason some girls feel like it makes them sexier or more desirable if they've had lots of partners. Could be she was afraid you would reject her for her inexperience. I also am one that didn't bleed and I was so in the moment with him that for me I easily put the pain in the back of my mind. And no offense towards your uncle, but a man that has truly 'had a lot of virgins' as it was crudely put would know that they aren't all the same blood/pain/etc wise. I think that you have way more important things to be learning and reflecting on from this relationship then whether or not she was a virgin honestly. Edited July 31, 2011 by Hazel_eyes
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