Selfish Bliss/Much more than Friends and getting Serious but am I headed for Disaster

[LoveandSuch]

I know what I should do and what I must do, but am torn. I have a close friendship which has over time blossomed into an emotional whirlwind of potential disaster. It is LD. My friend has a lifestyle/career that many would view in an extremely negative light. I am afraid if it continues to move forward toward serious intentions (which it seems to be), I could lose family, friends, children, all that I dearly love. We have been emotionally and physically intimate several times, but he completely respected me in my not wanting to have intercourse, because I am not ready and he is patient and sweet.

I care so much for him but get physically sick thinking of the potential results of us being together. His first visit I thought he was flying in, but he surprised me by driving in early and when we met up, his car, and personalized license plates in my town, the thoughts of all the attention it was and would be attracting made me a nervous wreck. I was so nervous and could not relax so we left town to enjoy our time together. I cherish every small moment together, but am a complete jumbled mess inside.

He is so down to earth, fun, gorgeous, and actually would love to have a more relaxed lifestyle, living in my town, while also maintaining bicoastal, intermediate residences. But I know it would be hard for people to except him and could ruin my rep./family beyond any repair. I also question if I could lose my job. I am entirely attracted to him, like mush, and he is above gorgeous, 6 foot 4 roman god like, when we met and he was so into me I felt like Molly Ringwald in the last scene of, Sixteen Candles.

So far, none of it has felt quite, 'real,' in that we do not see eachother much, but are in constant non physical contact. It feels safe that way. We have many tender thoughts, a natural fun way with one another, saying I love yous as I-U, instead of completely saying it.

My question is how far would you go for love? If you had a chance at what seems like complete happiness in life, BUT that happiness could lead to complete mayhem and losing the other great loves in your life, would you leave your selfishness behind and make the decision to end the relationship?

[LoveandSuch]

I wanted to add that I have spoke to him of my concerns and he does understand. But, it is also a stigma that comes with his lifestyle and the choices he made in life.

The problem is he is too darn adorable and playful when we speak that I cannot resist continuing the relationship. He can turn my serious words around playfully and the thoughts of his gorgeous smile and insatiable zest for life turns me to goo.

[thatone]

guessing he's a drug dealer? if so...

 

consider the fact that he may very well be after long distance relationships so that he has a place to hide.

 

i've met a few of them actually. friends of friends type thing. yeah, they're fun people when times are good, few women can argue with a younger man that has seemingly endless cash and the time to have fun spending it.

 

but you have to know that eventually his whole world will crash. the money will be gone, even if he doesn't wind up in prison his freedom will be gone, he'll have to hide somewhere for extended lengths of time. the shock of losing that lifestyle will turn him into a different person, he'll be paranoid and angry all the time.

Edited July 31, 2011 by thatone

[LoveandSuch]

guessing he's a drug dealer? if so...

 

consider the fact that he may very well be after long distance relationships so that he has a place to hide.

 

i've met a few of them actually. friends of friends type thing. yeah, they're fun people when times are good, few women can argue with a younger man that has seemingly endless cash and the time to have fun spending it.

 

but you have to know that eventually his whole world will crash. the money will be gone, even if he doesn't wind up in prison his freedom will be gone, he'll have to hide somewhere for extended lengths of time. the shock of losing that lifestyle will turn him into a different person, he'll be paranoid and angry all the time.

 

Thank you Neal for responding. I have been up most of the night rehashing all. No, he is not a drug dealer, but is in the entertainment business and does *extremely well within the business.

You really helped by mentioning drug dealers. In the moment reading that, reality struck me hard, that there is no way that this will work without completely ruining my life and the life of my close family and friends.

My town is not small but small enough for this to be news and I normally would not care about gossip and such, but this would be realistically taboo. He is easily able to live his lifestyle in metropolitan cities, however, there is no way he could blend in here and not attract attention and possible recognition.

It is now cemented that I can hopefully maintain our friendship, but cannot take it any further as he and I wished. I believe he will understand although it may hurt. Writing this is making me anxious at the thought I cannot be with my love.

I have tried to distract myself lately by keeping my options open to possibly dating others. The problems is when it comes down to actually going through with dating others, I end up having no desire to do so.

[thatone]

i was assuming it was something illegal he did for a living.

 

if what he does for a living is legal, i think you're possibly being overly paranoid.

 

he may in fact want a simpler life, lots of celebrity types do. look at tommy lee jones, he lives quietly on his ranch in rural texas, and doesn't want to be bothered by anyone. johnny depp is the same way, he lives in rural france with his wife far away from the cities he works in so that he can stay away from the spotlight when he doesn't want to be in it.

 

what did he say when you talked to him about it?

Edited July 31, 2011 by thatone

[LoveandSuch]

It is the darker side of entertainment. It is legal, but those involved are often viewed to be villians and even though they have success and money, they would be abolished from certain circles.

[thatone]

It is the darker side of entertainment. It is legal, but those involved are often viewed to be villians and even though they have success and money, they would be abolished from certain circles.

 

is he ari gold? lol.

 

 

the situation i think requires a lot more perspective than you're talking about, i would be interested in hearing what he had to say and what you said to him about all this.

 

maybe he's thinking about quitting?

maybe he wants to get away from his current life?

maybe he wants to do something else?

 

there has to be a reason why the two of you met, and why he is going out of his way to come see you.

[Professor X]

Since your main concern is around his profession and you're not quite eager to share it with us, I think it's quite hard to give you any advice.

 

All I can say is that eventually the dust will settle and when it does you might or might not regret losing all the other people/love.

[Feelsgoodman]

Thank you Neal for responding. I have been up most of the night rehashing all. No, he is not a drug dealer, but is in the entertainment business and does *extremely well within the business.

So what exactly does he do in the "entertainment industry" that is so objectionable? Is he a male gigolo? Owner of a brothel in Nevada? A porn star/porn director? A rapper?

[LoveandSuch]

Since your main concern is around his profession and you're not quite eager to share it with us, I think it's quite hard to give you any advice.

 

All I can say is that eventually the dust will settle and when it does you might or might not regret losing all the other people/love.

 

There is no question about if I would regret losing all that is most important to me and I will have to pass up on pursuing this deeper and further, because that risk is not worth losing what is most important to me. It is unquestionable and I do not know why I even posted the question. I cannot speak about it with anyone I know. He is in the adult business and would never be accepted in my family and I could lose everything. It sounds extreme, but it is reality.

In some circumstances it is a no win-win situation and this seems to be the case here. I believe some would except drug dealers into their households and lives before someone involved in this business. I even have my prejudices with it, which makes it all even stranger. I get sick to my stomach, nauseous thinking about the what ifs.

[Professor X]

There is no question about if I would regret losing all that is most important to me and I will have to pass up on pursuing this deeper and further, because that risk is not worth losing what is most important to me. It is unquestionable and I do not know why I even posted the question. I cannot speak about it with anyone I know. He is in the adult business and would never be accepted in my family and I could lose everything. It sounds extreme, but it is reality.

In some circumstances it is a no win-win situation and this seems to be the case here. I believe some would except drug dealers into their households and lives before someone involved in this business. I even have my prejudices with it, which makes it all even stranger. I get sick to my stomach, nauseous thinking about the what ifs.

 

Than you got your answer.

 

I wish you good luck, I've been to a similar situation in my past and I know how incredibly difficult to the point of impossible it is and will be.