hurley21 Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 I met a guy online and we talked through chat/phone for about 3 weeks before we met in person. We established a 100% honesty policy because we both got out of 5 year relationships in April. (His is a divorce, mine was a break up from my ex-husband). Anyway, we hit it off really well. Our personalities mesh and he makes me a better person. Due to the honesty policy, we are very open about what the other one is feeling/going through. If there is an issue, we talk about it. I feel like this could be a wonderful, healthy relationship if we can avoid letting our pasts get in the way. My concern is that he was burned pretty badly by his ex-wife and he has a lot of trust issues as a result. Also, he lost a family member last week and is currently dealing with a second family member's severe illness this weekend. He has a lot on his plate. I am doing everything I think I should: taking things slow, not being clingy, being there when he needs me, etc. I am having trouble with the fact that I could, in the end, just end up being a warm body- someone to get him through the hard times. His finalized divorce papers should be coming in next week and I am worried about an emotional break on his part. All of these reactions would be perfectly natural for him, I just don't want to be collateral damage. Getting burned so soon would be devastating for me. Any thoughts or similar experiences?
sassybetch Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 i think dating him is a bad idea. it's as if you are setting yourself up to be hurt.
Orianne Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 You're in a difficult position. In my experience, guys have a tendency to want to date around after getting out of a long term relationship. I'd be very reserved about this relationship.
zengirl Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 Sounds like a recipe for disaster to me, but it also sounds like you already know that.
carhill Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 What happened to this guy, the friend of the family? Also, what does this current gentleman say about his circumstances and how does that match up with his actions and the vibe you get from him? Superficially, I'd opine 'too soon', at least for a serious shot at a healthy relationship. Too soon to have a simple dinner out? Unknown. I dated a bit during my divorce process and while doing end of life care for my mom and didn't have any issues. Dates are socializing for a few hours, not another marriage. YMMV.
threebyfate Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 Yes, I'd say this wasn't a wise idea from the outset. But now that you're already hip deep in the relationship, why not wait and see what happens in the next couple of weeks? There's nothing you can do besides sever the relationship right now, that would make any difference to what's happening within him.
FitChick Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 I've been the Transitional Woman and learned my lesson. Let him go nicely, saying you know he has a lot on his plate at the moment and that you are at two different points in your lives. Perhaps, unless you find someone better, you could pick things up at a later date. In general, most men say they weren't ready for a serious relationship until at least two years after the final divorce decree. Widowers are the exception because they have fond memories of their wives and want to try to duplicate the experience again, often too soon. Paul McCartney is a good example.
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