Infidelity Board Attack

[fooled once]

to get this post back on TOPIC.... (please IGNORE posters who only cause to stir up trouble...stop responding to them!) ...

 

OP, the infidelity board is very useful for betrayed spouses. Like any internet forum, 1-2 people use boards to further their own garbage. If you don't like posts, ignore them. Don't start new posts in another section just to complain about someone's view. You did exactly what you were complaining about someone else doing. And look what has happened

[cupshalfempty]

 

 

[/b]There's no wh*re like an old wh*re

 

Says the frigid b*tch

[Summer Breeze]

to get this post back on TOPIC.... (please IGNORE posters who only cause to stir up trouble...stop responding to them!) ...

 

OP, the infidelity board is very useful for betrayed spouses. Like any internet forum, 1-2 people use boards to further their own garbage. If you don't like posts, ignore them. Don't start new posts in another section just to complain about someone's view. You did exactly what you were complaining about someone else doing. And look what has happened

 

I would say exactly what the OP in the thread in infidelity had intended.

 

I agree that it is useful for APs and BSs to coexist and learn from each other. They will never agree every point but there is so much that can be shared and used for healing.

 

The one thing I will say about the thread on Infidelity. It was clearly written as an insult and an attack. I thought that was against Ts and Cs so I'm disappointed it wasn't stopped. I do realize the mods are few and far between so it's a tough job but as of just a short while ago it was still going and this one was in full fury as well. Now to what bothered me. I may be wrong but what I did read of it I did not see any BS that is clearly a BS and quite vocal actually try and stop it or slow it down to defuse the situation. I will admit the more I read the more furious I got and I ended up leaving so I wouldn't say anything I shouldn't. When I saw the thread start here I thought it was fine. You get attacked and there is no 'protection' then you hit back in kind. I believe this was started well and until repair minded came along there were comments but it was venting about being attacked.

 

My 2 cents.

[MissBee]

I'm surprised this thread hasn't been shut down....

[alexandria35]

I would say exactly what the OP in the thread in infidelity had intended.

 

I agree that it is useful for APs and BSs to coexist and learn from each other. They will never agree every point but there is so much that can be shared and used for healing.

 

The one thing I will say about the thread on Infidelity. It was clearly written as an insult and an attack. I thought that was against Ts and Cs so I'm disappointed it wasn't stopped. I do realize the mods are few and far between so it's a tough job but as of just a short while ago it was still going and this one was in full fury as well. Now to what bothered me. I may be wrong but what I did read of it I did not see any BS that is clearly a BS and quite vocal actually try and stop it or slow it down to defuse the situation. I will admit the more I read the more furious I got and I ended up leaving so I wouldn't say anything I shouldn't. When I saw the thread start here I thought it was fine. You get attacked and there is no 'protection' then you hit back in kind. I believe this was started well and until repair minded came along there were comments but it was venting about being attacked.

 

My 2 cents.

 

As I said before, I don't think the first post on that thread was really all that offensive. It was someone expressing outrage at the OW/OM expecting honesty and fair treatment from a known cheater. As in 'why would you expect a known liar and cheat to treat you any better than they are treating their spouse?' Ths is a common way of thinking so I'm not sure why so many people are acting like it's the most terrible thing ever said about OW/OM.

 

There are no BS in that thread tryiing to stop it or slow it down because most of the BS are not participating in that thread. For the most part it has become a childish mud slinging fest between some of the posters well known on loveshack for being childish and downright insulting. It's not just the OP getting ugly on that thread. I say let them go at it, at least it's keeping them busy, but if it bothers you so much why don't you just report it.

[KR10N]

Send me your picture to tape on my mirror first and we will make your dream come true.

Nice!

[TurningTables]

Wow..Gone a day and this thread turned ugly.

 

Anyways, I truly think that when someone is hurting or not happy with themselves, they tend to lash out. For instance, another former poster was *still* very upset at that fact that his W cheated on him. Consequently, he D her and took their child. My point is this: He couldnt lash out at her anymore so he lashed out here. Its very easy to sit behind a computer and say whatever it is you want to without any responsability. What is sad is that these certain posters who are here, bashing and calling people names are not doing themselves or anyone else any good. They are just hurting oneself in the process. What everyone needs to remember is that its not about *you* why they are saying what they are saying. Its about them and their own need to justify their lives and what they have been through.

 

However in saying this, most of the time when you ignore such people, they do wake up and go away. Their needs are not met here when there is no one to create the firestorm that they need. Its like the old saying of why do people gossip about other people? Its because they are lacking in their own life and feel the need to bring others down to their level to make them feel better.

 

Pity these kinds of people because soon they wake up on day and realize they have wasted all this time, on something that they cant control, its devastating. Its truly sad.

[Summer Breeze]

As I said before, I don't think the first post on that thread was really all that offensive. It was someone expressing outrage at the OW/OM expecting honesty and fair treatment from a known cheater. As in 'why would you expect a known liar and cheat to treat you any better than they are treating their spouse?' Ths is a common way of thinking so I'm not sure why so many people are acting like it's the most terrible thing ever said about OW/OM.

 

There are no BS in that thread tryiing to stop it or slow it down because most of the BS are not participating in that thread. For the most part it has become a childish mud slinging fest between some of the posters well known on loveshack for being childish and downright insulting. It's not just the OP getting ugly on that thread. I say let them go at it, at least it's keeping them busy, but if it bothers you so much why don't you just report it.

 

You are certainly entitled to your opinion, as I am mine. That was a blatant attack and the thread was simply started to stir things up. I just read again and I still feel the same.

 

I guess I could ask the same about the OP on that thread. Rather than running off and starting a thread saying how he/she rarely goes to that other place, why didn't he/she address the issues with the people and maybe hear their stories or what they had to say. Instead he/she was someplace they clearly despise looking to be irritated. Why? If not for the purpose of starting something why even bother?

 

As far as taking into consideration they're lying to their spouse so why do you think they won't lie to you - just the same as when a WS goes back to a BS and is all sweetness and light and full of remorse. Why believe? Because you love them and you want to. You want to think that somehow it's different and it'll be ok. You want to think that the months or years your WS spent lying to you was somehow related to past relationships with parents or due to lack of something in their mental health diet. At the end of the day the BS is doing just what the OW/OM is going. Taking a huge leap that everything will be ok and that somehow what happened can be explained away. Both the BS and the OW/OM want so desperately to feel that the person they loved so dearly couldn't do that to them they'll reach for anything.

 

I'm not comparing the situations between the BS and OW/OM. I'm making comment that wanting to believe in something so desperately can really mess with you.

 

I don't report anyone. I never have and I never will. It bothered me enough that I read through part of it and stayed away. I also do recognize that some of the more ardent posters on that thread are not necessarily well thought of or respected on the board, but that does not justify it.

[Summer Breeze]

I'm surprised this thread hasn't been shut down....

 

I was surprised the other one hadn't been.

[silktricks]

It's so much easier to stay with a MM when you blame the OW for his actions...isn't it?

Actually, no.

 

First, Bent didn't stay. But I did. I don't blame the OW for what my husband did. He did it. He owned it. Had he not owned it, I wouldn't have stayed with him.

 

You don't understand. The only way to truly make a marriage work after an affair is to get to the point where there can again be trust. Any fool knows that people don't do what they don't want to do - especially have an affair. Obviously this has to be one of the most easily avoided acts on the planet. So, if the M-AP continues to "blame" the affair partner, how are you ever going to trust that person again?

 

They may stay married - but that's going to be one of those "married in name only" kind of marriages. Someone who will only accept a truly reconstructed marriage is not interested in hearing "it was all her/his fault". They know better.

[bittersweet memories]

I went on the Infidelity board and I read a thread called "Are You Serious, Really?" I just cut and paste what he/she wrote:

Quote:

I try not to go over to the "other" part of this site and stay out of "their" forum for the most part, but still happen to read a few things based on "New Posts" and whatnot.

 

So I guess this is one of those, anyone else less than sympathetic posts?

 

I mean come on, there is some heavy whining of entitlement going on over there from people that are an accomplice to hurting others, and yet complain that its not fair about their MM/MW this, its not fair about their MM/MW that.

 

that would be like someone who likes to beat up other people trying to drum up sympathy when someone hands them their ass.

 

The complain about "fairness" when in a relationship with someone elses spouse.

 

Really?

End Quote

 

OK, I really don't get it, if the posters over "here" disgust them so much, Don't come over here.

The OP just HAPPEN to come over and read some of the posts...LOL

I'll quote the OP Subject Line "Are you Serious..Really?"

 

The cruel things some of them were saying really made me angry.

To insinuate that we are whining and feel entitled is ridiculous. I'm certainly not here to "drum up sympathy" Personally I'm here to get support as I'm sure most of us are.

 

I just had to get that off my chest, I wanted to reply to that thread so bad, but figured I would leave "their" board alone.

 

 

:lmao::lmao: Seriously!! Pot calling the kettle black...:lmao:

[silktricks]

The one thing I will say about the thread on Infidelity. It was clearly written as an insult and an attack. I thought that was against Ts and Cs so I'm disappointed it wasn't stopped. I do realize the mods are few and far between so it's a tough job but as of just a short while ago it was still going and this one was in full fury as well. Now to what bothered me. I may be wrong but what I did read of it I did not see any BS that is clearly a BS and quite vocal actually try and stop it or slow it down to defuse the situation. I will admit the more I read the more furious I got and I ended up leaving so I wouldn't say anything I shouldn't. When I saw the thread start here I thought it was fine. You get attacked and there is no 'protection' then you hit back in kind. I believe this was started well and until repair minded came along there were comments but it was venting about being attacked.

 

My 2 cents.

I am a BS, and I'll say that as soon as I read the opening post of the thread on the infidelity board, I read no further. I had no interest in participating. I try not to get involved in the heated attacks and there are certain posters (it does appear that the latest head of the hydra has been chopped) who I pointedly ignore.

 

Though I used to attempt to stop a raging train, I've found that if I stand on the tracks, the train won't stop and I'll get beat up. It's pretty much a waste of time and effort that I'd prefer to spend elsewhere.

 

 

So...... since I had only read the first post - I just had to go and read again - and now I have posted on that thread.... :lmao: :lmao:

Edited August 1, 2011 by silktricks

[Summer Breeze]

I am a BS, and I'll say that as soon as I read the opening post of the thread on the infidelity board, I read no further. I had no interest in participating. I try not to get involved in the heated attacks and there are certain posters (it does appear that the latest head of the hydra has been chopped) who I pointedly ignore.

 

Though I used to attempt to stop a raging train, I've found that if I stand on the tracks, the train won't stop and I'll get beat up. It's pretty much a waste of time and effort that I'd prefer to spend elsewhere.

 

 

So...... since I had only read the first post - I just had to go and read again - and now I have posted on that thread.... :lmao: :lmao:

 

 

That's really a fair statement ST. Pretty much what I did as well-read some and got out.

 

I do apologize because I do see that my expectation was ridiculous and probably a kneejerk reaction.

[seren]

There are some very nasty threads on the boards lately, the constant bickering, belittling and tit for tat posting does little to nothing to help people who come for support. I have found that LS is a place where BS, WS and OP's can agree to disagree, but without the vitrolic posts as of late. It does work both ways too, the digs and lack of understanding aren't helpful. I stay away, not from fear of confrontation, but it all so pointless and I refuse to feed someone else's games.

 

There are sites a'plenty where ra ra'ing is the norm and others too where neither side can join or talk or have a joint hate the 'other side' genre. I hope LS doesn't become this way, far too much of us and them going on, understandable in some instances, but in the main, a waste of time and space.

[waytogo]

I'm amazed with others this thread was not shut down previously.

 

The topic again? If I can now recall, it was an OW/OM type vent. I'll admit, I haven't seen it. The OP of this thread was new, right? I understand how personal that looks when you read it.

 

Hopefully I'm on track here. OP, those threads aren't about you, or me as FOW personally. That's a typicall 1st step of the venting/healing process for a BS's pain. I read all the words on other sites b4 ever signing up anywhere back when and also felt enraged.

 

This isn't an accusation to you, it bothered me most as pre-A I would have agreed about anything they said. "Mine was different". Well it was, in that it was me and somethings about it were different. Way to many were the same. It made me angry to read it. It actually helped balance me back to my comfort zone. That's what it did for me. You have the right to like or dislike their posts. Read or not read and make your own choices according to your comfort zone. When they use venting names, they aren't calling you by name. They are just venting from hurt

 

Be well

[John Michael Kane]

There are some very nasty threads on the boards lately, the constant bickering, belittling and tit for tat posting does little to nothing to help people who come for support. I have found that LS is a place where BS, WS and OP's can agree to disagree, but without the vitrolic posts as of late. It does work both ways too, the digs and lack of understanding aren't helpful. I stay away, not from fear of confrontation, but it all so pointless and I refuse to feed someone else's games.

 

There are sites a'plenty where ra ra'ing is the norm and others too where neither side can join or talk or have a joint hate the 'other side' genre. I hope LS doesn't become this way, far too much of us and them going on, understandable in some instances, but in the main, a waste of time and space.

 

Opinions vary.

[reboot]

First, you try to prove cheatinh as not wrong, because something else is wrong and isn't cheating. Which does anything but proves a point. For the record, what is right and what is wrong is a matter of individual conscience, so you cannot prove it either way. But keep in mind that regardless of what you do, you may face consequences. For example someone gets enraged and stabs you to death. Obviously that's an extreme example. But I hope my point was gotten across well enough.

 

Next, you try to group anyone who thinks cheating is wrong, as people who would have no problem killing others instead, indirectly saying everyone who thinks cheating is wrong is a hypocrite. Idiocy of this statement is pretty easy to see, if I were to create statement with matching idiocy, I would for example say that, like, "Everyone who doesn't have sex with people of other races is immediately racist".

 

I don't give a crap if you have harem of women, or if your wife made you nearly suicidal with repeated offenses. Everyone has their biases, and so do I. But I do have a problem with fallacies in your logic.

 

Dude. *I* think cheating is wrong. I think it's one of the nastiest things you can do to someone you're supposed to love. *I* was the one cheated on, I never cheated. Your reading comprehension needs a lot of work.

[rafallus]

Dude. *I* think cheating is wrong. I think it's one of the nastiest things you can do to someone you're supposed to love. *I* was the one cheated on, I never cheated. Your reading comprehension needs a lot of work.

Funny, that you said that, because you addressed what I explicitly said isn't relevant to me, failing to mention anything about the main issue. Namely:

 

No it isn't. Cheating is neither rape nor murder. Some of you need to move to the Middle East so you can stone people to death for cheating. A lot of you would gleefully participate.

How did you figure that out from my one (intentionally) vague response?

[reboot]

There are plenty of people here that want nothing more than an argument. I'm not one of them.

[rafallus]

Given that you resorted to what essentially was a personal attack, this bit is golden. But if simple question proves to be so inconvenient, then yeah, I've got nothing more to say either.

[Owl]

Nope, I think Reboot just feels like Hercules on his second labor. It does get tiresome somedays.

 

Now, back on topic. One thing that the OP might keep in mind is that not every "BS poster" here on LS "attacks" OW/OM.

 

Many give downright useful advice on several boards here on LS (and others). It's probably also worthwhile to note that given the different relative morals of all the different posters...you're bound to offend someone sometime, and bound to be offended by someone else.

 

That's the nature of a community, rather than living life in solitary confinement.

[Memphis Raines]

Nope, I think Reboot just feels like Hercules on his second labor. It does get tiresome somedays.

 

Now, back on topic. One thing that the OP might keep in mind is that not every "BS poster" here on LS "attacks" OW/OM.

 

Many give downright useful advice on several boards here on LS (and others). It's probably also worthwhile to note that given the different relative morals of all the different posters...you're bound to offend someone sometime, and bound to be offended by someone else.

 

that was the point. if offended me, and my declaration of offense, in turn, offended right back.

 

Thats why I have requested to Tony that this thread, and mine be removed.

[Lostinlife4now]

funny how? I think it's ridiculous to blame the ow or the bs for what the mm chose to do to either of them.they both get lead on,they both get lied to,they both get manipulated and they both get hurt.

 

Isn't that the nature of an affair?

 

Some bs's act as though thier h's are victims of ow's.

I think that's very rare if it happens at all.and they take them back as

though they somehow "won" because he came home and claimed all he wanted was sex from his ow and that he lurves his wife!

 

Pullease!!!!!! If he loved his wife....he never could have betrayed her.

 

 

 

 

Unfair is an understatement.whomever sticks around and "fights" for the "winning" position in the mm's triangle is the one most in denial if you ask me.but the reality is,the mm/mw don't typically wind up alone and they really should considering what they did to both parties.'

 

 

 

no sh*t! If a mm wants to betray his vows,it could be anyone he lies to and manipulates into thinking his wife is the problem and he needs a third party to make him feel better!

 

I'd like to know where the forum is with the mm who feel so guilty,ashamed,remorseful and willing to make ammends to anyone for the problems he has caused women in his lie.

 

All i've see is them feeling entitled to going home or leaving thier wives without any conscience because it's all about them!~

 

 

 

 

 

 

omg! Really? Ow's are invited into someone else's marriage!

Actually, we are manipulated in with pity ploys about how horrible the bs is and even if we know they are married,we fall prey to thier incessant complaining about you.

 

Mine begged me to never leave him despite the fact that he refused to commit to me or her! He caused the pain!actually my xmm's wife never found out and he expected me to stay silent as he didn't want to give her the right to make the choice to dump his cheating a$$!

 

And i didn't want him so i was more than happy to walk away after seeing what he was capable of doing to people who trusted him!

 

And...the person who is trying to get a piece of a$$ from someone who is off limits to him is the mm! You are villifying the wrong person in this.

 

But that's so damn typical! Men are somehow excused for thier behaviors and women they use or betray get left holding the bag everytime!

 

Like i said,the triangulation they created continues!

 

And again...off goes the mm into his future without anwering for anything and worse being defended by someone who must be daft to have it that mixed up!

 

This kind of message makes me want to inform his wife and ruin his life as he did mine, all the more! Sometimes,i can't believe i fell for his manipulations...others i think....people just don't understand narcissism!

 

It's so much easier to stay with a mm when you blame the ow for his actions...isn't it?

 

 

amen amen amen amen amen amen amen amen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Spark1111]

As I said before, I don't think the first post on that thread was really all that offensive. It was someone expressing outrage at the OW/OM expecting honesty and fair treatment from a known cheater. As in 'why would you expect a known liar and cheat to treat you any better than they are treating their spouse?' Ths is a common way of thinking so I'm not sure why so many people are acting like it's the most terrible thing ever said about OW/OM.

 

There are no BS in that thread tryiing to stop it or slow it down because most of the BS are not participating in that thread. For the most part it has become a childish mud slinging fest between some of the posters well known on loveshack for being childish and downright insulting. It's not just the OP getting ugly on that thread. I say let them go at it, at least it's keeping them busy, but if it bothers you so much why don't you just report it.

 

I agree with your perspective! The original poster was hurt by infidelity and takes a very hard line against it. Those are his morals and he never waivers.

 

So what?

[Severely Unamused]

One thing that the OP might keep in mind is that not every "BS poster" here on LS "attacks" OW/OM.

I see some very rude BSs. I also see some very rude APs. BSs are usually more straightforward with their attacks, while the APs are usually more passive-aggressive about it. It's a non-constructive psychological mess over here.

 

I haven't been on this site for that long, and I've already come to that conclusion.

 

Some bs's act as though thier h's are victims of ow's.

It is a simple coping mechanism. It's harder to demonise a person that you are closer to. It's easier to deride a person that remains faceless or distant.

 

When the BW knows the OW personally, that's a far more complicated story.

 

So what?

Good question. Why does it really matter?