wreckedhero Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 That she will just forget about me and that we will never get back together. The text says hi that's it. I think I should ignore it but it's making me feel a bit nervous. Advice please. Does she have to work a bit harder than that for me to get into contact with her? It's just I get a bit worried you see that she'll think I've moved on so she will stop texting me.
Kilty Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 This is the last time i am going to give you advice WH because you have been told the definitive answer a million times by not just only me. You are either not willing to take the advice or are in the hope that someone else will tell you something different more akin to what you want to hear and its beginning to come across as if you are 14 years old ....seriously. So the text you got says "hi" - nothing else right ? This is after ignoring you and not meeting up with you This is after being in contact with her ex This is after ignoring the 30 odd texts you sent her And the response is "hi" and thats it ? Do you seriously really need anyone to give you advice on this or are you just a complete doormat ? Now i know your emotions are going berserk but each and every post you make lately asking the same old questions over and over is making you out to be just that and its no wonder this girl finds it easy to rip the pish out of you. If you think that contact from her is worthy or deserving of a response after how she has behaved and treated you then you go right ahead mate. In fact why not just reply and tell her it's good to hear from her and forget about everything thats happened - and in a week or so's time (possibly even less) start a new thread about being back to square 1 Get it now ?
geegirl Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 That she will just forget about me and that we will never get back together. The text says hi that's it. I think I should ignore it but it's making me feel a bit nervous. Advice please. Does she have to work a bit harder than that for me to get into contact with her? It's just I get a bit worried you see that she'll think I've moved on so she will stop texting me. What does she expect? For you to come to a standstill while she feeds you with a hi every now and then. Come on wrecked. Are you really worth a one word text? If someone wants you back, it has to be much more than that. And her motive to keep you connected is not because she wants you but because you can be a fallback. If you cut her out completely from your life, you will put the fear in her that she is losing you forever and that is your only chance of ever knowing if she wants to come back to you. Replying to her breadcrumbs in hopes of reminding her that you are still there, is a pathetic way of hoping for someone to want you. You are worth more than that. You don't have to remind her that you are still there. She won't forget. And if she does, then you have your answer.
Kilty Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 Think i was a bit harsh WH but i have the best intentions Probably because i wish someone else had gave me similar advice a year ago
stillafool Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 Ignore the text. If she really wants you she knows she has to do more than that. Don't respond. Continue NC. She doesn't want you back.
Author wreckedhero Posted July 31, 2011 Author Posted July 31, 2011 I've ignored it. I don't expect to hear from her again. She was at work whilst she texted me so she was probably bored. I'm currently six days no contact. When Tuesday night arrives I'll have broken my record. Do you know what she said to me the other day. She doesnt have to impress me anymore because I already am impressed. Therefore she didnt make an effort with her hair and clothes when we saw each other last. I'm a fool, no wonder she treats me the way she does. If I had sent that text I would have been going out of my mind. She obviously doesnt care and I dont expect another text of her. She'll think I'm "sulking" I'm obviously still a mess emotionally. I do think she will go back with her ex but there's nothing I can do about that. At least it's slowly dawning on me the realisation that she doesnt love me.
geegirl Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 You're beginning to see the reality of her Wrecked. Every action that she is displaying are not signs of someone who loves you, not in any fashion, the way you want to be loved. Love doesn't make you feel bad. It doesn't manhandle you this way keeping you confused, bruised and battered emotionally. Keep moving forward and keep breaking that record. I promise you that going back to someone like this will never keep you happy. While time will help you realize that she doesn't love you, it will also show you that you will never want to tolerate being treated so shabbily ever again.
Author wreckedhero Posted July 31, 2011 Author Posted July 31, 2011 It's all I can do. But why do I feel so bad? Is it normal to feel this way. I'm 24 and i've had relationships before but I've never felt like this. She's the only thing I think about. I wake up with a butterfly in my stomach and it never really goes away. I just want it to get better
Graceful Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 It's all I can do. But why do I feel so bad? Is it normal to feel this way. I'm 24 and i've had relationships before but I've never felt like this. She's the only thing I think about. I wake up with a butterfly in my stomach and it never really goes away. I just want it to get better Why you feel as bad as you do can be boiled down to this: she catches you off balance every step of the way. And you are still tempted to fall for it. She's jerked you around. You've fallen for it and caved in. She knows she has you (you're impressed with her and she doesn't have to "try" to impress you anymore? -- WHO SAYS THAT?) and has a over-sized ego compared to your ego which has been shot to shreds. You have never felt like this because no one has ever treated you like "this" and gotten away with it. Now you know. Someone breaks up with you? Make a clean break and never turn back. Once someone puts you on an emotional merry-go-round, it's very hard to get off because you get disoriented and that's how she keeps catching you off guard. Who cares what she thinks? You care WAY too much what she thinks and not enough about what's best for you. If she thinks you're sulking, you know the truth. That's her over-sized ego talking. You're not sulking. You're done and done. DONE. So get your ego going. She's trampled it and you have to work to get it back. Seriously, dude. Time to take charge.
geegirl Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 It's all I can do. But why do I feel so bad? Is it normal to feel this way. I'm 24 and i've had relationships before but I've never felt like this. She's the only thing I think about. I wake up with a butterfly in my stomach and it never really goes away. I just want it to get better I've been told in therapy several times, when I was wondering why the intensity was so overwhelming compared to my other Rs -- it feels this way because the more toxic and unhealthy the R, the harder it is to get over. It is because you are left with so many doubts, questions, confusion and hurt. It takes longer to wrap your head around it all. And the hardest part is the need to seek answers, answers you will never find. In normal breakups, you leave each other with a sense of resolve and closure. In these types of Rs with unhealthy partners who manipulate, it almost feels as if you've spent your lifetime in a tumble dryer and when you finally get out you don't know which way is up. It is normal. I felt bad too eventhough I was emotionally, mentally and verbally abused by my ex. An array of "bad" feelings. You have the butterflies because you still have hope in your heart. You are still romanticizing her and the good times you had. You're still emotionally attached to her. Your mind and heart is still connected. You haven't really allowed the benefits of NC to help you detach. That's why you still feel bad. You're not giving yourself a chance to get to finding a happier and healthier you if you keep breaking your resolve to move forward. The only way to get happier and healthier is to barrel through NC. Anything other will keep you posting the same thing 6 months from now. Make a choice Wrecked. Stay in indefinite pain by keeping a lifeline to her or feel the temporary pain now but have the certainty that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. She will always be this manipulative person, marinading in her negativity. You on the other hand will move on to having a positive and healthier outlook on life and yourself. Give yourself a chance. Life is too short to keep yourself pinned down.
Author wreckedhero Posted July 31, 2011 Author Posted July 31, 2011 That is true my friend. I've always had it in my mind that if I meet up with her one more time, talk to her one more time that she would change and we would get back on an even keel. I asked her for a meal? Then 5 days later she says hi, just hi. I can't believe she thinks I'm going to justify that with a reply. And why shouldnt she have to impress me. Well she's going to get the message that I am not impressed anymore. I'm not a toy she can play with. The sad thing is going no contact is going to confirm she doesnt want me but it's what I need. This has been my toughest lesson in life but at least when I fall in love again it will be with the right person.
onlyafool Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 It's all I can do. But why do I feel so bad? I'm the same way. I feel bad about it because I'm a nice person and ignoring someone doesn't feel good. However, you have to remember that you're ignoring her because she ignored you. That thought alone should always win out and the ignoring continue. I view every day of NC as a victory and the days where I do get a text from her and don't respond are a cause for celebration. I win, she lost. Kinda childish, but hey..it works
Author wreckedhero Posted August 1, 2011 Author Posted August 1, 2011 No more texts now. Guessing we are done and that she's happy reconnecting with her ex and doesnt want me. Well I will never forgive her or contact her again.
sun_moon Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 Once someone puts you on an emotional merry-go-round, it's very hard to get off because you get disoriented and that's how she keeps catching you off guard. Very very true. Well said.
dylan797 Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 Do you think she wants to reconcile?...usually such texts meam she's just bored at the moment and wants a friendly chat. I dont think you need to ignore her. Text her back. Be friendly. Polite. But dont have any expectations of getting back together. Most likely youll over analyze everything she says, looking for clues. Dont do that. Keep the covo short and simple. If she brings up the relationship, avoid talking about it like the plague. thats my advice anyway.
Author wreckedhero Posted August 1, 2011 Author Posted August 1, 2011 I don't think she deserves texting back. She's sent me two texts since I last spoke to her last Monday. Hi does'nt cut it anymore, especially as I asked her out for a meal last week. I'm trying to dispel this image of being needy and desperate to her so I'm not going to be around anymore. I'm trying to see whether or not she really does want me and if she does she will be in contact with me. Then when she is I'll ask for advice on here on what to do. I'm not strong enough at the moment. Everytime we get into a friendly conversation my hopes start building. This way I am going to see whether she does want me. I've done my chasing. Thanks for the advice Dylan but what benefits would I get from texting her back mate? It's just a case of waiting now for her next move.
sleepykitten Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 Well done, please do not text her back...she said said "hi" what an insult, thank god you saved your dignity and self respect.
Author wreckedhero Posted August 2, 2011 Author Posted August 2, 2011 Well still no text since Saturday. I havent replied to the Hi she sent me or the text she sent me telling me about her ex wanting my number so can I safely say that we are over now? That she doesnt care about me? To be fair it was me doing all the running beforehand and always has been. I'll wait till Sunday now. She used to get a text from me every Sunday morning. She won't be getting one again this Sunday morning so lets see if that piques her curiosity. I'm trying to get her to miss me but it seems that it's backfiring. Anyway I'm 8 days no contact. I've broken my record.
sun_moon Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 congratulations on breaking your NC record! keep it going.
radiodarcy Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 congratulations on breaking your NC record! keep it going. ditto! keep up the good work, wreckedhero!
Author wreckedhero Posted August 2, 2011 Author Posted August 2, 2011 It is very hard. No doubt about it. I just have an image of her and her ex getting it on again. She told me she had no feelings for him but if she isnt contacting me then surely she's busy with someone else? Will keep no contact. Hi was a bit of a pisstake after all the texts I had sent her. I just can't believe that's all she had to say.
sun_moon Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 Do you keep a journal? If you don't, perhaps you should start. It helps the cyclical, obsessive thoughts, it gives them a medium to go to. If you can channel your negative thoughts and write them out, you are less likely to act out of negative emotion (ie breaking NC) Yeah those images are the worst, I understand, they will pass in time.
Author wreckedhero Posted August 2, 2011 Author Posted August 2, 2011 So a journal is just writing down what I feel about it all each day and writing about the images in my head? Where do I write it?
sun_moon Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 So, let me just give you this link. http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Past-Your-Breakup-Devastating/dp/0738213284/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1312307527&sr=8-1 I'm not done with the book, but it was recommended by Mack05, and its helped him and many others. I think it will do you a world of good, because it trains you and talks you through the hardest time, dealing with raw emotion and how not to break NC. Funny, I wish I had that book in May, because I had dealt through the worst of it through the help of my friends, LS, and staying busy. Journaling is one of the many things the author covers. You can write anywhere, your laptop, a random notebook, a journal, or you can get creative and make your own. Yes its intended to be on a daily/routine basis. Just a suggestion! Because I see you struggling with your head and feelings, I think it will immensely help you.
Sebastian76 Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 Hey there wrecked, it's tough and I feel for you mate! To me it's evident that you have a bigger problem than ferring your ex back. And that is the fact that you deep down find her more worthy than you. As long as this is your reality, no amount of nc or playing hard to get will change a thing. You need to work on yourself my friend and find the man in you who has real standards and who do not accept any bs. For this I think you should let go of your ex and only consider talking to her when you are back on your feet. Then you'll see things clearly and my guess is that you won't fancy her coming back into your life. Sum_moon's link is good. Check out the author's blog. I thought about you while reading through it (funny how you can find anonymous friends who only wants the best for you out there in the cybersky:) check out this article for instance: http://www.gettingpastyourpast.com/?p=7045 Stay strong with the NC, not to manipulate her but to win time to fix yourself - again not for her - for YOU! Best, /Seb
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