sd89 Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 Here are links to my past posts about the relationship in chronological order, if anyone is interested in what has been happening until now. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t286173/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t286472/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t287526/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t288442/ The past few days we have been trying to make plans to meet up so i can give her all her things and pick up all mine. I tried to make it clear to her that I needed to get this over with, but didn't really say why. We planned to meet on wednesday since her little sister was coming to visit for the weekend on Thursday and we didn't want her in the middle of it all. Her little sister is autistic and completely in love with me and doesn't understand why I'm not around anymore. The problem was that I had a surprise visit from a friend from Sweden on Wednesday and couldn't make it when we had planned to. So we planned to meet last night and we did. When she called me and told me she was home, that I could come, my heart sank. I knew this would be the last time I would see her or here from her. I didn't really think of anything to to say, just got her **** and left towards her house. At first it was a little awkward with her sister being there. But I didn't want to hurt the little girls feelings and kept my cool and played with her a bit until she went to sleep. My ex broke open a bottle of wine and we started talking. She began by asking me how I was, she was really interested. Then she stopped me and asked how I was handling the whole situation. I told her the god to honest truth. That's one thing between this girl and me, we are way too honest with each other, we can never lie no matter the situation. It's something I really like about us. I basically told her that us being friends wasn't going to work out. She understood and told me she knew this is why I wanted to get my stuff and why she had been putting if off on purpose so she could still talk to me. I told her I knew she was doing that and we laughed. We continued to drink the wine and talked about everything from the relationship to just random stories. I didn't want this night to end and neither did she. She started to cry so hard and kept saying she wasn't sure if this is what she wanted. I told her until she knows, we can't keep in contact because no matter what she decides in the end I need to move on so even if there was a second chance, we would start from new. At one point we started to talk about her health, she had been through surgery earlier in the year. She brought up that she had started the pill again. I jokingly asked if it was cause her new boyfriend. She didn't seem to think it was so funny of a comment and asked me if I really thought she she had a new boyfriend and would be crying her eyes out like she was towards me. I just laughed and told her I was yanking her chain. She also told me that it should have been her going to the states with me on vacation and not my friend. She seemed to really regret her decision at this point. It was a vacation we had been planning since we met and it meant a lot to the both of us. After a while of talking and a bottle of wine, I started to gather my stuff. That's when she really broke down. I hugged her for about 3 minutes straight and it was the most passionate hug we had ever had, if hugs can become so passionate. I finally got all my **** together and we shared two or three more cigarettes. During that time she kept huggin me, touching me and crying until no more tears would come out. I think she never thought I could cut her loose like this. We both stated that we didn't want the night to end but she said she cant hurt me if I stay over and I told her that I agreed it would be a bad idea, but we both wanted it so bad. She finally walked me to the door and we kissed and I couldn't help it but to keep kissing. She pulled away and I laughed and told her that I couldn't help it, my feelings haven't changed. She laughed as well and said I know me too. Every time I tried to leave she would pull me back for another hug and I'd plant a kiss. She asked me if would could please say goodbye like we'll see each other tomorrow. That is when we had a full on passionate kiss. I could feel it and I now she did too. She told me that she hoped that I forgot something at her house or that she has something still at mine. I told her I had to leave and that we'd see each other tomorrow. As I walked off, she ran after me, grabbed me, and asked me to kiss her again. She would always do this when I had to leave for a long time when we were together. I tried so hard not to cry right then and there (which I hadn't the whole night). We kissed and I left. I was walking out through the courtyard and looked back at her window and she was there watching me leave, crying her eyes out. I told her, "Good bye Julia" very calmly and with a smile and walked off. Now Im in a situation where I don't know what to do. I know that I'm going to continue to focus on myself and keep my distance from her. But I can't simply ignore her and I don't think she deserves to be ignored either. But she knows and will respect that I need my time alone. I know she will call one day, and I will answer. What should I do then? More than advice I just wanted to get out all my feelings by writing this up. Also anyone please chime in how I handled the situation. For me this a big learning experience as I have never been dumped before.
Author sd89 Posted July 31, 2011 Author Posted July 31, 2011 can a mod move this to coping section. i think i messed up where it should go... all other threads related to this one are there.
Author sd89 Posted July 31, 2011 Author Posted July 31, 2011 **** Israel and **** spam. 177 views and no replies except this douche-bag. Come on guys, I count on you.
Lone Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 hey mate,just read ur post. bit sad. it really sounds like your doing the right thing and have gone the right way about doing it. as hard as it is to hear u just need to completely leave her alone. especially if u want to be with her. as counter logical as that sounds im afraid its true. try to look at the positives though...it seems as though u left a really good taste (metaphorically) in her mouth from ur last interaction and if u go off the radar she will be thinking about u and that meeting a lot. and if it doesnt happen then atleast u r the one who made the decision to go NC and will make the whole moving on issue a bit easier for yourself.I completely understand how hard this is though. my situation is different but the same in the sense that we both care about someone we cant be with for whatever reasons. give my post a read a see what u think im n a bit of a situation also and always good to hear feedback from outside perspective. any other questions or anything il try write back asapchin up
Author sd89 Posted August 1, 2011 Author Posted August 1, 2011 What do you think I should if she contacts me? Lets say for both situations. 1. If she just contacts to say hi and she misses me, or asks me something silly. 2. She calls to say she wants me back and shes sorry or that she wants to talk about it. At this point I know I can't just jump right back into anything, but I don't know how to tell her that if the situation should arise.
Author sd89 Posted August 20, 2011 Author Posted August 20, 2011 anyone have any answers to my previous post? just curious now cause she contacted me for reason 1
kichelka Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 (edited) That was such a moving goodbye, you both obviously care deeply for the other. May I ask why she is ending things if it pains her this way? Love like this doesn't come around often. She is going to regret this if she is choosing another guy over you. I'm really sorry you're going through this, but you know, you are taking this extremely well and with pride! I couldn't have done that - in fact, I didn't act like you. Instead I was crying and begging, pathetic actually. You composed yourself very well and there's no doubt that memory will stick with her. I'm not sure how you should respond to her, maybe just the way you have been since it's tugging at her heart strings. Okay, I missed your last question. This must be really hard for her if she's already contacting you. Can you deal with talking to her at this time? I know that I'd want him (you) to respond in a sincere way. Keep it short, but don't ignore her. Okay, I just read your story. It's a beautiful story, you shifted your world around for her and stepped into the unfamiliar for her. Edited August 20, 2011 by kichelka
Eddie Edirol Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 How can she be so hurt if she isnt attracted to you anymore? And why would you want to be friends with her when she never told you why she lost her attraction to you?
Frank13 Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 anyone have any answers to my previous post? just curious now cause she contacted me for reason 1 Stay NC. Unless she says she wants you back, she is just offering breadcrumbs. Let her miss you. Let her miss you until she think she lost you forever. If she wants you back, nothing will stop her. If you respond to her now, you are just letting her have her cake and eat it too. You are just helping her along to get over her feelings of missing you while she moves on. If you want her back, stay NC until #2. Don't worry about hger thinking you are rude. She dumped you and knows why you are NC.
Author sd89 Posted August 20, 2011 Author Posted August 20, 2011 That was such a moving goodbye, you both obviously care deeply for the other. May I ask why she is ending things if it pains her this way? Love like this doesn't come around often. She is going to regret this if she is choosing another guy over you. I'm really sorry you're going through this, but you know, you are taking this extremely well and with pride! I couldn't have done that - in fact, I didn't act like you. Instead I was crying and begging, pathetic actually. You composed yourself very well and there's no doubt that memory will stick with her. I'm not sure how you should respond to her, maybe just the way you have been since it's tugging at her heart strings. Okay, I missed your last question. This must be really hard for her if she's already contacting you. Can you deal with talking to her at this time? I know that I'd want him (you) to respond in a sincere way. Keep it short, but don't ignore her. Okay, I just read your story. It's a beautiful story, you shifted your world around for her and stepped into the unfamiliar for her. I would also like to know the real reason why she left me. She said because she lost attraction, but not really why. I had to get it out of her but I think i know why. She felt like I wasnt going to do anything with my life, that I was going to just sit around and wait for things to happen to me. I must admit that it was pretty hard adjusting to life here and at some moments I was pretty down and saw it hard to get out. She mentioned that she felt like she couldnt get me out of this hole. I know she tried very hard and I didnt respond too well, at the moment my emotions were all messed up. But now I have taken a step back the past few months and realized my faults. Thanks for the encouraging words. At first I did panic and beg, the usual stuff. I even told her that when I did that, I was panicking and that I didnt really mean it like that. She understood. We just got done with a skype conversation now. She asked me how my work is going. Told me about how shes been sick the last month with an ear infection. Asked if I had signed into school yet. Thats about it. She seemed really sincere the whole time. I kept it short and let her lead the conversation. It seems like she just wants to catch up and keep an eye on me. This is not what I really want at the moment. I want us to be apart if thats what she wants, and not this half ass, checking up by skype and phone ****. I cant stand to ignore her, but I dont want to give her the light of day as well. I know she wants to see what my plans are for the future, so she can make a move, if so. I think she really wants to see if I have got my **** together, but has no way in knowing beside contacting, as I no longer have a facebook. Or she could have been lonely and just wanted to talk. But she wrote me last night, to which I havent responded and then as soon as I signed on today she wrote me again. It seems like she has a goal in her contacting me and not just to say hi for the moment. I must say that not a day goes by when I don't think about her. I can say its getting easier. I can imagine myself with other women. I've almost completely accepted the break up. But I can't help having feelings for her. I think they will stay forever. At some point I would like to be friends, but this has to be a very slow transition. I know that since we talked today that I will be a little bit thinking about her more often than other days.
NursingGirl Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 Have you clearly told her that you can't have contact for your own good until or unless she wants to be a couple again? Surely she understands how disruptive this is to your healing. If you HAVE communicated that to you, then you have to WAIT until she clearly says the reason that she is contacting you because she knows the conditions. Checking on you or missing you or whatever else the contact is about is NOT it! So hang tight because not only will it help you on the road to healing, but it will give you the best chance at being a couple again if she sees you resisting, standing firm unless she says the key phrase....that she wants to be a couple again. Good luck, it sucks. You will get through it though if you go NC.
Author sd89 Posted August 21, 2011 Author Posted August 21, 2011 So you are saying that there is something she wants to tell me? Because I did tell her not to contact me unless she wanted to talk about the relationship. I thought she understood that. But what now since I responded to her? I didn't see any objective in her talking to me. She just questioned me about a few important things going on in my life. You say I should wait. What exactly should I be waiting for? Does that mean I play it cool and just let her lead the conversation if she starts one? I know if she does this again, and seems to just want to talk to me, and only that, than I will have to tell her again to please not contact me unless she wants to talk about fixing the relationship.
olivec Posted August 21, 2011 Posted August 21, 2011 So you are saying that there is something she wants to tell me? Because I did tell her not to contact me unless she wanted to talk about the relationship. I thought she understood that. But what now since I responded to her? I didn't see any objective in her talking to me. She just questioned me about a few important things going on in my life. You say I should wait. What exactly should I be waiting for? Does that mean I play it cool and just let her lead the conversation if she starts one? I know if she does this again, and seems to just want to talk to me, and only that, than I will have to tell her again to please not contact me unless she wants to talk about fixing the relationship. This same situation happend to me my ex gf dumped me but then was still contacting me and I got sucked in. I wish I would of have did no contact early on and not let my emotions get the better of me. Right now she is still real lonely and is used to talking and seeing you everyday. However as soon as she starts hanging out with friends and in turn meets somebody else you wont be hearing from her as much or at all. You have to go nc from here on out. Because if you continue to talk to her it'll ease her mind of everything thats happend. If you truely want her back you gotta stay away from her completely for now.
Author sd89 Posted August 22, 2011 Author Posted August 22, 2011 well i dont think she is so used to me hanging out with her everyday anymore because we haven't done so since april... every person and situation is different. i wish people would really listen to what others are saying on here and not just always say what happened to them, as if the same will happen to you.
Lis007 Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 As the woman who left and now wants to reconcile I would say if you love her go for it. Good Luck and take it really slow if you do decide to give her a second chance. I believe true love survives all lifes lessons.
mullberry Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 Hi, I agree with lisa007. Everyone always suggests nc as the main way to get someone back, to make them miss you etc but not all breakups are the same and not all couples respond in the same way. You're still talking, this is good. If you go nc with the aim to get her back all you will do is take yourself out of the game! Where's the sense in that. I think you should plan a meeting with her, to discuss all the things you need to. Try to be as emotionless as possible, even tell her its a relationship business meeting if you have to so she understands it isn't a cry fest. Sounds to me the love is there you have got stuck on something else and need unsticking. Can be difficult to pin down, but you have to find the reason I don't think nc will do that. Find out or move on.
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