morganx1321 Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 (edited) Where to even start, i did not think I would end up on a site posting about how I feel but here I am... Me and Joey ( my ex) went out for 9 months, We fought but rarely.. and I was madly in love with him and still am. We planned on getting married, he was supposed to ask my father for permission this month.. I wanted to stay a virgin until I was married, but my love for him was so strong it just happened. We were always together, everyday and he was just the light of my life, his smile, his eyes, I could talk to him for hours and we were in love. Then 4 months ago everything changed..out of no where.. we wanted to spend less time with me.. and then he broke it off with me.. saying he was " confused and his emotions were unstable and he didnt know what he wanted" It hurt so bad, but I wanted to be there for him. Every so often he would text me to hang out and it would lift my spirits and give me hope.. then we would go out and act like a couple, like nothing had happened, he told me " Not to worry, he was in love with me and everything would be fine, he just needed time" Then he would go a week or so without talking to me.. then out of no where he'd call me and we would go out and hook up.. and I allowed it because just a few moments of his eyes locked on mine.. telling me he loved me was worth it. Then after 3 months of this happening I could not take it anymore.. I couldnt eat, or sleep, and I just needed him to decide what he wanted. So we sat down and talked and he told me, "We messed up to bad to fix it, and that it was just done.. that sex messed up our relationship and we needed to get back to God.. and I needed to be happy without him." He let me cry and cry and did not say a word.. Was I even anything to him? He dropped me off at my house and I just sat on the floor.. and cried as I watched him drive away.. That was a month ago, and Ive only barely talked to him since.. I told him Happy Birthday, and he did the same to me. Then a week ago out of nowhere he text me, saying "Hey" but I didnt reply. Please help, I Dont know what to do anymore.. I honestly think I will not Love anyone like how I loved him. My love for him was so deep, he was my true love, I know we were supposed to be.. and it just got messed up. I am in so much pain, I just dont know how to act happy anymore.. I have so many awesome guys that love me and care for me.. and I try to feel something for them..but it just makes me miss Joey more.. Im so in love with him. I cant eat.. I cant sleep, he is on my mind every second. I just dont want this to end..Its almost like I'm also scared to forget him.. I just honestly dont think I'm going to fall in love with anyone, like how I did.. I've lost so much weight, and have thought of killing myself.. but I cant do that to my mom.. How can things change to fast, The one person I loved the most just completely abandoned me, and he is fine.. Edited July 30, 2011 by morganx1321
CantLoseHer Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 (edited) I've been in a similar boat as you. And from a guy's perspective I think that when he randomly trys to hang out that he is trying to know that he has the upper hand, and he knows that he has you around just in case. I understand just how deep your emotions get, I was just broken up with by my ex, and we were each other's first, and it was like how could two days before you break up say I'm the one, then not want to work on the relationship and call it quits after 15 months of dedication. My friends and family have given me a new perspective towards life in a sense, even it only being a couple of days of her leaving: Things will happen for a reason. You seem like a nice girl who treated him well, and if he cannot recognize that then it is his loss. *biggest piece of wisdom* Just because someone rejects you does not mean that you need to reject yourself. (easier said than done right? when that one who you gave everything to rips your heart out) I felt like I hit my low too, I felt suicidal as well, and it sucks. But you can't dwell on things that are out of your control. I've doubted my faith in God lately, but you know what, there are tests for a reason. Breakups are sometimes harder than dealing with deaths, because you recieve that rejection when you lay everything on the line. But if you can get through it, you will be that much stronger. And who knows, maybe your ex was just a step or a lesson given, leading you closer to that prince charming who appreciates whom he has, or maybe himself will even have a change made for the better and wants to win you back. Change is deffinately hard, but keep your head up. Spend time with family and friends, they are there for you no questions asked! Edited July 30, 2011 by CantLoseHer
geegirl Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 (edited) Oh sweetie, I feel your pain come through. Firstly, this guy is not emotionally mature or stable to give you what you want. For as long as you cater to his indecisiveness, he will keep coming in and out of your life without any form of commitment. It's the perfect set up for him because it's on his terms but it will never be for you and you will always end up getting hurt. I know the pain is almost excruciating. It feels as if your life is doomed and there will never be happiness again. I promise you, things will get better. And I promise you that you will love, there is no doubt about it. We see the worse break ups happen and what do people do, they suffer through the pain, they work through healing and they fall in love again. Do not for ever once think that this is the one and all. You just said that there are guys that adore you and once this emotional attachment to Joey has faded, you will open your heart again to someone one else. I promise you, this is not the end. But to get there, you must do the work. Don't allow contact anymore. You must. Keeping contact, even with the minimum texting of "hello" and "how are you", it will keep you connected, hopeful and anxious. All those feelings are feelings you should be trying to disconnect from. And you do that by not having contact with him. In the meantime, grieve. This is a loss. Don't react when he text messages or calls. Remember that the fix is only temporary. It's not changing the situation. It's just masking it for a little while and then when he is gone, you are in pain again as the reality of it sets back in. Cry to your friends and family. Talk to them. Purge it all out. I know you probably can't eat. But you must try and drink lots of water. You're emotionally and mentally unhealthy right now but you must at least take care of yourself physically. It will help make you manage a little better. Go to church. Sounds like you are religious. It helped me a lot. Not just to mass but go and sit there and be alone and find some peace. There were times I would sit there alone and cry so loudly and it would echo through the church and when I stopped, a calmness would come over me and I would feel better. I always left feeling peace. You probably cant focus on much right now but try little steps at a time. As you get further along in the process, you must start filling that void with other things that nourish and develop you as a person. You can't make someone else your life. You make yours first and then you let them be a part of it. But you will get to that stage when this stage of grieving simmers down as I know you can't really bear anything right now. Just don't have contact with him. You will keep yourself in constant pain if you do. That pain will be indefinite, prolonged by you. The pain of no contact and trying to heal is temporary. You will heal and find joy again. I promise you. Edited July 30, 2011 by geegirl
Author morganx1321 Posted July 30, 2011 Author Posted July 30, 2011 Thank you, and yes I was really close to God.. then I meet Joey who was also really close to God and we just both let go of God.. and focused on each other... Now Joey is really into God and tells me it will help and Its almost like i hold some kind of anger towards God for making Joey so happy.. and Im here miserable. I know time will help all to pass, Its just he was and is the face I want to wake up to every morning. Then I think, isnt love worth to fight.. but Im the only one fighting so I guess its time to surrender and realize nothings going to change. I sometimes think hes going to come back, cause we are meant to be,, but deep down , I know hes not coming back..
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