SJC2008 Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 Went out with a nice woman a couple of weeks ago for drinks. Went well. Called her a couple of days later had a short talk. Asked her for that weekend she said she was gonna be busy but keep in touch (we both expressed on the phone we had a good time). So I called her middle of the week (last week) to talk to her. Asked her out again she said I can meet up with her and her friends at a club/bar the next day (last Sat.) and she'll text me with the details so I said great. Well life has taught me to not wait on anyone so I made plans to go out with my buddy and if she called we'd meet up with her and her friends. By the time we got to the bar at about 10:15 she barely texted saying she wasn't going out. She was apologetic and said mabye we can get together middle of the week which seemed sincere to me because she offered an alternative. So the fact that I asked her out the last two times I replied "No problem, me and my buddy just got to our usual hangout, let me know when you want to get together, take care". I feel like I did the right thing because I showed enough interest by asking twice already and it's Friday and she hasn't called or texted. Should I call or just let it go? P.S. I don't bump or troll but my last 3 posts have not been responded to. Thankyou!
musemaj11 Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 Dont call again. If she is really interested, she will make the effort. You already made your effort. Now its her turn. Unless you are desperate.
whichwayisup Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 Don't call. You've shown her you're interested and either she truly IS busy and will call you again, or she isn't interested and was being polite. Time will tell. If two weeks go by and you've heard nothing, put her out of your head.
Author SJC2008 Posted July 30, 2011 Author Posted July 30, 2011 Thanks, I wont call her. Just brings me back to the whole "I don't understand women" thing again, lol!. It's only been a couple of weeks since we went out so we have only spoken a few times. She seems to never answer her phone but has always called/texted back and has been apologetic if she couldn't call back the same day which to me showed interest/maurity. So I guess I'll give it one more week to see if I hear from her. Thanks yall.
Teknoe Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 Thanks, I wont call her. Just brings me back to the whole "I don't understand women" thing again, lol!. It's only been a couple of weeks since we went out so we have only spoken a few times. She seems to never answer her phone but has always called/texted back and has been apologetic if she couldn't call back the same day which to me showed interest/maurity. So I guess I'll give it one more week to see if I hear from her. Thanks yall. stay strong, stay the course. you did what you could. now it's up to her to reach back. if she does, there might be something. if she doesn't, pick up your ball and head to the next court.
Mr. Slim Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 Was there chemistry on that date? I'm not 100% sure you played this correctly, though it's likely too late now. I would have probably tried again on Monday of this week. I don't feel like you were definitively blown off. I've turned around situations like this, but there was chemistry involved. Some women don't think it's really that big of a deal to cancel plans at the last minute, especially "my friends will meet up with your friends" type plans. I've had women that were totally into me flat out no show on hastily made plans and then be genuinely surprised that I was upset about it. "I figured you'd just hang with your friends", they'd say. Of course, they were also flakier than a bowl of Total but I knew that going in
Author SJC2008 Posted July 30, 2011 Author Posted July 30, 2011 Well I don't really know much about the whole "chemistry" thing in dating so I can't really answer that, I don't buy into the whole chemistry thing anyway though. But here's a summary of the date. When I met I her I greeted her with a smile and a hug. Bought her a drink, then we went outside to the bar on the patio and talked the whole time. Convo flowed fine. We smiled a lot, I tried to maintain good eye contact. Complimented her a couple of times, about her earings and lipstick, she was receptive. Flirted a little, I told her I like the way she says no (she's Itallian and has an accent) and told her to say no again and she played along and said it a couple of times with a smile. It lasted aobut an hour and a half she let me know prior to she could not stay long due to something coming up and was aplogetic. All in all I thought it went great. Ended it with another hug and I'll give you a call. As mentioned in he OP she takes my calls but after canceling on me I think it really is on her now. Please elaborate on me not playing it correctly, but it's only been a week so I don't think/hope it's not too late. Let me know
morethanconfused Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 Well, I think she kind of likes you but isn’t really interested in you. What you said reminded me of what I am doing with workmates sometimes. There are a bunch of guys that have asked me a few times if we could have drinks after work sometimes. Just causal, not a date. So when I am in a good mood I answer “Yes, sure.” and sometimes I even mention a few locations that would be great to have drinks. I do that because I like these guys and would like to hang out with them someday but not any time soon and not for a date. So I guess what she does is almost the same. She is answering you calls because she would like to hang out with you someday but obviously not the way you would like to. She doesn’t want to blow you off because she enjoyed spending time with you but she also doesn’t want to date you because she is not interested in you as a potential BF. I know some women are different but if I would be really interested in a guy and he would ask me out I would make sure that I would find time to date him again. I don’t like to give advices like you should do this or that. I think everyone should do what he/she wants and nobody can really tell what is going on in other people’s heads. But if I were you I wouldn’t call her anymore because you already did enough and now it’s her time to figure out if she would like to see you again. If she does she will let you know.
KathyM Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 Went out with a nice woman a couple of weeks ago for drinks. Went well. Called her a couple of days later had a short talk. Asked her for that weekend she said she was gonna be busy but keep in touch (we both expressed on the phone we had a good time). So I called her middle of the week (last week) to talk to her. Asked her out again she said I can meet up with her and her friends at a club/bar the next day (last Sat.) and she'll text me with the details so I said great. Well life has taught me to not wait on anyone so I made plans to go out with my buddy and if she called we'd meet up with her and her friends. By the time we got to the bar at about 10:15 she barely texted saying she wasn't going out. She was apologetic and said mabye we can get together middle of the week which seemed sincere to me because she offered an alternative. So the fact that I asked her out the last two times I replied "No problem, me and my buddy just got to our usual hangout, let me know when you want to get together, take care". I feel like I did the right thing because I showed enough interest by asking twice already and it's Friday and she hasn't called or texted. Should I call or just let it go? P.S. I don't bump or troll but my last 3 posts have not been responded to. Thankyou! I think you should let her go. She's not that interested. She put you off when you called for a date, and suggested you go to meet with her and her friends instead of an actual date together. Doesn't sound like a keeper to me, or someone that will make you a priority in her life.
Teknoe Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 Well, I think she kind of likes you but isn’t really interested in you. What you said reminded me of what I am doing with workmates sometimes. There are a bunch of guys that have asked me a few times if we could have drinks after work sometimes. Just causal, not a date. So when I am in a good mood I answer “Yes, sure.” and sometimes I even mention a few locations that would be great to have drinks. I do that because I like these guys and would like to hang out with them someday but not any time soon and not for a date. So I guess what she does is almost the same. Good call! Agreed. Upon further reading of his posts (I kinda skimmed over them in my previous reply, lol), I have to say the lady's behavior reeks of "He's a nice guy and I don't mind his company from time to time but anything more... eh." It's clear he's not a priority in her mind, or more importantly, in her heart. Sucks, coz I been there many times too. I know many girls who don't mind hanging out with me. But only as friends and when they're in a "good mode" like MORETHANCONFUSED described. You know when a girl is into you is when she starts texting and calling you like mad. That is the most obvious. She's not attracted to you that way. Sorry bud.
Author SJC2008 Posted July 30, 2011 Author Posted July 30, 2011 If she doesn't like me I can live with that but shes the one who gave me her number and the firts time we talked she asked me out.
musemaj11 Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 If she doesn't like me I can live with that but shes the one who gave me her number and the firts time we talked she asked me out. Just think of it if its reversed. Just because you think a girl is cute and ask her out, doesnt mean you will want to see her again after having a date with her.
NursingGirl Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 Well I don't really know much about the whole "chemistry" thing in dating so I can't really answer that, I don't buy into the whole chemistry thing anyway though. What?! Now I don't get this at all.
Shaun-Dro Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 Thanks, I wont call her. Just brings me back to the whole "I don't understand women" thing again, lol!. It's only been a couple of weeks since we went out so we have only spoken a few times. She seems to never answer her phone but has always called/texted back and has been apologetic if she couldn't call back the same day which to me showed interest/maurity. So I guess I'll give it one more week to see if I hear from her. Thanks yall. This is just another case of today's American women being a chicken with men because they're afraid to be upfront. God forbid you're not upfront with her and she'll throw a tantrum. Another thing is women being afraid of liking a guy too much. If she sees that you're treating her right and showing effort, which she knows deep down gets her heart racing, she'll chicken out and back off from meeting you halfway. It's like she fears being truly happy because God forbid the guys doesn't turn out as perfect as she hoped, her little heart will shatter. This is why men need not be great with her and show such interest. Most men need to let her know he doesn't really care about her unless she as a whole gives him good reason to. Let the kindness be earned. Let her just sit back and wonder about you. Women always wanna wonder. They don't like things clear and obvious, even though they say they do. It's boring! These are all the little games that she plays with us men because she's a little chicken with no guts to become a real woman. Sometimes, when she gets older (30s, 40s) she'll mature, put in the right effort to be with a nice decent man, because time's short for her, her options are limited since she doesn't have the hot looks to tease men like she used to. Only then she's ready to settle down. If she has kids, she definitely wants a "nice" man! It only makes sense because who wants their kids treatly poorly? OP, this woman is scared to take the next step with you, period. She knows it in her heart that you're a good catch and that scares the crap out of her because she doesn't know what to do with you and God forbid she messes up on you! She'll never forgive herself. The best advice I can give you, aside from my previous rant, is to let this silly, spineless coward go. You're going to find a ton of them in your quest for something meaningful. The best thing to do is drop any and all women who display these character flaws I mentioned above in a heartbeat until you find one who's willing to put in the exact same effort that you're doing for her. Needless to say, it's going to be a long journey.
LynnT Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 If she doesn't like me I can live with that but shes the one who gave me her number and the firts time we talked she asked me out. You never know what is going on her life right now. There are lots possibilities. She could have met someone else since or gotten re-involved with an ex. She may have had a great time but doesn't want to hurt your feelings. She may really like you and want to go out with you again but she's busy. Who knows. The bottom line is, right now she doesn't seem to be making seeing you again a priority. I don't know about you, but that's not really what I'm seeking in a partner. The thing to keep in mind is this is really not a reflection on you. Don't take it personally. She's busy (for whatever reason). End of story. Blow it off and try again when you meet someone else you are attracted to.
Author SJC2008 Posted July 31, 2011 Author Posted July 31, 2011 @Nursingirl: What I mean is that for me I think "chemistry" is more of a female thing IMO. I am attracted to her and we flirted and had a great convo like I said. Is that chemistry? I don't know. Mabye I'm just naive. Give me your opinion of what chemistry is. Thanks. @Shaun-Dro: She is not American. She is from Italy. Also she is 40. So she is grown up. but thanks for the support. Just want to know wtf to do to get past date 1 with a woman you know. I know why the one a few months ago the girl didn't go out with me again when I look back on it, because I was too shy and uptight (of course she blew me off and lied and said she just had a break up when I asked her what was up, and when I signed up for a popular date site she was on there LOL!). This time I was confiednt, flirty and not all uptight like the last one so I am working on myself but it's hard to stay positive when I keep striking out plus the age I'm at just makes it more depressing. It's making me afraid to be myself which is not good. Seems like everyone can find someone. Hot guy with a hot girl, dork with a dork, crackhead with a crackhead, but My average joe arse cant get an average or any woman for that matter to save my life. Im not sympathy fishing just looking for advice and venting. Thanks.
NursingGirl Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 Hey, we all need to vent so that's totally ok. Chemistry is undefinable in that you throw all your little requirements out the window, such as hair color, height etc and what matters is this connection, confidence, humor, wit, fun time that may have something to do with pheromones or some cosmic involvement, lol. Ok, maybe you are right and it has alot to do with emotions, I don't know. But it doesn't have to do with good looks, I can tell you that. It happens to me. It's great when it happens. I am sure that it has something to do with the sexual comfort of the guy who I am attracted to. He has a sexual confidence...I can feel it. That doesn't mean he's the best in the sack, it just means he owns his sexuality. Who the heck can resist that? Now get back out there confidently and go after what you want.
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