Author Severely Unamused Posted August 11, 2011 Author Posted August 11, 2011 I'd say, stay strong, but I believe you already are..Hah, yeah I wish. @Kidd: I'll keep what you have said in mind. And I'll take a read of your thread when I get the chance (it seemed really long). Wish you well with your own marriage. I know what I'm like. I can be unforgiving enough to drop people from my life, and move on without any regrets. And I can walk through fire if it means being with somebody that has hurt me, just as long as they can do the same. In this situation, I genuinely have no idea. Well, have a good life everybody.
Spark1111 Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Hah, yeah I wish. @Kidd: I'll keep what you have said in mind. And I'll take a read of your thread when I get the chance (it seemed really long). Wish you well with your own marriage. I know what I'm like. I can be unforgiving enough to drop people from my life, and move on without any regrets. And I can walk through fire if it means being with somebody that has hurt me, just as long as they can do the same. In this situation, I genuinely have no idea. Well, have a good life everybody. Good Luck SU. Remember you have the right to decide NOT to decide any life changing events......for as long as it takes you.
2011aug Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 I know what I'm like. I can be unforgiving enough to drop people from my life, and move on without any regrets. And I can walk through fire if it means being with somebody that has hurt me, just as long as they can do the same. In this situation, I genuinely have no idea. Well, have a good life everybody. I hope you're doing well and survived last night.
Author Severely Unamused Posted August 12, 2011 Author Posted August 12, 2011 (edited) Well, my husband has FO'd. My imagination is vivid enough to fill in the blanks as to what he is doing right now. I have to admit, I'm not feeling very well. So, for anyone who is/has been in my situation, what did you guys do to keep your mind occupied during this time? Edited August 12, 2011 by Severely Unamused
Minnie09 Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 What happened? How did the confrontation go? Was he stonewalling you and then left? Did he say anything?
fooled once Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 Then there was the car accident that caused my arm to turn into a puddle of mush. So I've been in and out of hospital for the past few months. The fact that my arm felt like it was being stabbed with a thousand needles covered in chili pepper, did make conventional sex somewhat difficult. I still helped with his..."release" so I don't think that it is the physical aspect of sex that he misses. Perhaps it is the emotional intimacy. Not too sure, he hasn't said anything. Oh SU. I want to say that I feel for you so much. I loved your stance and your approach to this. I loved how you were practical, yet I bet emotionally you are just a mush puddle. I mean that in the best regards. I hope for your sake that things work out well for you --- however you want that to be. I admire you. I applaud you. I am in awe of you. I also feel for you and I hope that you have a dear friend nearby who can be with you, let you vent, hug you and console you. You sound the same way I imagine I would be in your shoes. Regarding your arm...I can 100% relate. I have permanent nerve damage in one elbow and headed the same way with my other elbow. I have had 8 surgeries on one elbow in 9 years and had surgery on the other one a few months ago. Nothing worse than living in constant chronic pain. It affects every aspect of your life. My dominant arm is the most damaged and it has been quite an adjustment to go from right handed to left handed over the years. People don't realize how much we rely on our arms in our every day activities - not just driving or dressing, but doing our hair, putting on mascara, holding a pen, carrying any object, reaching for an item and even sleeping Let me know if you want to talk about this aspect of your life. I hope and pray things are 'ok' for you right now....please let us know how you are. BIG hugs to you and your child.
Author Severely Unamused Posted August 13, 2011 Author Posted August 13, 2011 (edited) What happened? How did the confrontation go? Was he stonewalling you and then left? Did he say anything? Considering how badly these kind of situations can get, I'd say that the jump into sh*tville could've been a helluva lot worse. From what I know, he was completely honest. I was completely honest. I expected something much uglier. He said he wanted to be free, so I stood aside. But he knows that I'm not going to put my life on hold for him after this. @Fooled: If you don't mind me asking, what's the story behind your own arm surgeries? So, I'm thinking of spending this weekend with my family. My sister is an angel. A good idea right? Edited August 13, 2011 by Severely Unamused
fooled once Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 I'll PM you tomorrow. Way past my bedtime. How are you holding up?
NSGurl Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 (edited) =Severely Unamused;3566140] He said he wanted to be free, so I stood aside. But he knows that I'm not going to put my life on hold for him after this. Big Hug SU... From what I've read here and in another thread where you said he felt aimless and trapped, all the bells went off. If this man is in his 40s/50s range, I would put money on it that its the old midlife brewing. I've seen it, heard it, lived it. You are a very very wise woman to not put stops in his way or to put your life on hold as it can take years for him to work his way through it. If you're interested, go get Gail Sheehy's book, Understanding Men's Passages. My best advice would be to get your financial house in order asap. From there, seek legal counsel for insight if for nothing else and then just do the best you can with whatever comes your way. It WILL be okay one day....I can promise you that. Been there, done that and am upright and a stronger person as a result of my experiences. Sort it out in your own head and heart. You have the time to do that so take it. For what it's worth, to this day my former H hasn't a clue I knew about his affair. Mostly because I think midlife affairs are nothing more than a bandaid or the next fix in trying to escape the turmoil inside. Mentioning it would have offered no benefit in the course of the divorce. When the moment demands it, put your business hat on and pull it down hard. And also gather your posse because you will need others to lean on no matter what the outcome. Keep posting, get some sleep and eat a fat, juicy steak...the best advise my atty ever gave me. Edited August 13, 2011 by NSGurl
woinlove Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 I think it's a great idea to spend time with your family and sister and people who will offer you hugs, support and advice now. And, as others said, lawyer up, and protect yourself, particularly since it sounds like your H has been plotting financially (and maybe with respect to custody of your son?) It doesn't sound likely that you two will reconcile and, in any case, you need to be prepared.
dreamingoftigers Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 EMDR therapy can easily eliminate any residual traumatic triggers you may have.
RetiredFuzz Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 lamo bdmd adhd iu fftc oaqe {{{{{{{{{{SU}}}}}}}}}}
woinlove Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 Oh my. you sound so oddly unemotional for someone who has gone through what should be very traumatic. Everyone is different. su mentioned how she had abusive parents and so likely has defence mechanisms against being hurt too much. But she said she isn't feel well and looking for coping mechanisms. Also, even people with hefty defence mechanisms can have a delayed reaction that can cut deep. su, hope you are getting love and support from your sister and others and taking care of yourself.
Author Severely Unamused Posted August 13, 2011 Author Posted August 13, 2011 Oh my. you sound so oddly unemotional for someone who has gone through what should be very traumatic. I don't know, there's very little I can do right now but move on with my life. So that's what I'm going to do. Everyone is different. su mentioned how she had abusive parents and so likely has defence mechanisms against being hurt too much. I'd like to think of myself as thick skinned, but a defence mechanism sounds about right. Fortunately, financial security was taken care of before d-day. No worries there. Have a good weekend everyone.
woinlove Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 Glad to hear your finances are taken care of, su. Take care, spend time around people who love you, and post here if it helps.
Author Severely Unamused Posted August 15, 2011 Author Posted August 15, 2011 (edited) Glad to hear your finances are taken care of, su. Take care, spend time around people who love you, and post here if it helps. How was your weekend woinlove? Everybody else? Good, I hope. All this stuff that's been happening, is starting to wear me down. I'm worried about my son. Worried about my husband. Worried about my sister and aunt. Worried about my sister-in-law (she figured out something was up). Arm is feeling worse. Work is getting to me. Lawyers chasing me. Checking for any more financial loop-holes. Feeling bedridden and tired. Wondering what stunt the OW might pull. Damn, life really sucks sometimes. Alright, enough whining. Edited August 15, 2011 by Severely Unamused
Spark1111 Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Take it one day at a time. If that proves too daunting, take it one hour at a time. If that overwhelms, take it 5 minutes at a time. Please schedule an appointment with a good IC. Get reccomendations. My fWS's affair triggered many issues from my wacky childhood, which I thought I had laid to rest in about two years of therapy twenty years ago. Guess what? I had not. First and foremost, take care of you, whatever it takes.
John Michael Kane Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Oh my. you sound so oddly unemotional for someone who has gone through what should be very traumatic. While I sort of agree everyone handles this stuff differently.
Snowflower Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 How was your weekend woinlove? Everybody else? Good, I hope. All this stuff that's been happening, is starting to wear me down. I'm worried about my son. Worried about my husband. Worried about my sister and aunt. Worried about my sister-in-law (she figured out something was up). Arm is feeling worse. Work is getting to me. Lawyers chasing me. Checking for any more financial loop-holes. Feeling bedridden and tired. Wondering what stunt the OW might pull. Damn, life really sucks sometimes. Alright, enough whining. SU, I hope you have some IRL support to help you through this. I've been following your thread and you have been so strong. It's okay to feel tired! Give yourself a break. Just take it a day at a time and try not to worry about others (except for your child) because you have enough emotional baggage to deal with yourself. (((hugs)))
woinlove Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 su, what snowflower said! Just take care of yourself and your son, and let your sister and aunt and others lend support and comfort to you if they can.
Author Severely Unamused Posted August 15, 2011 Author Posted August 15, 2011 Thanks guys. I know I'll be okay, but I feel so emotionally drained. It's been a rough month. I'm sure you know what I mean. Hope you're all doing well.
silktricks Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Haven't been on too much lately and missed your update. I am so sorry to hear. Everyone else has already said it - but take good care of yourself. Time to really pamper you. You're probably going to be very tired/depressed for a time, but if you find yourself spending more than 10 hours a day in bed, start forcing yourself to do physical activity. Sleep feels great, but you can end up in a bad downward spiral if it's not checked. Breathe deep, keep calm and know that you will recover from this. It takes time and it takes making the correct moves to keep your health. ((((((hugs))))))
Author Severely Unamused Posted August 29, 2011 Author Posted August 29, 2011 (edited) My husband and I will be talking with our divorce lawyers this afternoon. For quite a few reasons that go beyond infidelity. This was just the straw that broke the camel's back. Maybe we will get back together some time in the future. Who knows? Life goes on. Anyway, I've learnt a lot from reading the stories on LS, and been given some perspectives that I wouldn't have gotten in real life. The people here were (for the most part) supportive and understanding. I think that my reception wouldn't have been so warm, were I a WW or OW though. So, I just wanted to say thanks. If anyone wants to wish us well (or even a "f**k you b*tch!" is fine) now's the time. You know, I wouldn't be surprised if this emotional sendoff didn't get any replies. Traffic is very slow here. Edited August 29, 2011 by Severely Unamused
keepsmilin74 Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 You're smart, I think you'll be just fine, so best of luck, SU
woinlove Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 My husband and I will be talking with our divorce lawyers this afternoon. For quite a few reasons that go beyond infidelity. This was just the straw that broke the camel's back. Maybe we will get back together some time in the future. Who knows? Life goes on. Anyway, I've learnt a lot from reading the stories on LS, and been given some perspectives that I wouldn't have gotten in real life. The people here were (for the most part) supportive and understanding. I think that my reception wouldn't have been so warm, were I a WW or OW though. So, I just wanted to say thanks. If anyone wants to wish us well (or even a "f**k you b*tch!" is fine) now's the time. You know, I wouldn't be surprised if this emotional sendoff didn't get any replies. Traffic is very slow here. I'd certainly like to wish you well. Actually, from your thoughtful and level headed posts, I expect you to do well. You know you can keep dropping in on LS, if you feel like it, even if you don't need advice - you can still dish it.
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