jchips Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 Can I just vent a little and get some validation for feeling horrible & then have someone tell me to SNAP OUT OF IT!!? My bf of 2.5 years & I broke up about 4 mos ago (my initiative, but he agreed- major issue we couldn't work out) but it took him 2 mos to move out & still has stuff here. After he moved out it was NC for over a month but he needed to move stuff so he came by. When I opened the door & saw him standing there, my heart just exploded into warm, soft feelings for him. He came in and I could tell he was feeling it too. He gave me a sweet little hug and we both said "It's so good to see you!" We chatted just a little and he got a lot moved out. He told me I looked great before he left (which I did & I do) and we agreed he could come back tomorrow for more stuff. Long story short- next day he came in the door accusing me of not returning things to him and he was just NASTY and ANGRY and I couldn't believe this was the same man as the day before. I couldn't reason with him or try to talk to him about what he was saying. He got a few things and left in a hurry. WTF? My heart hurts so much from seeing him and feeling all those yummy feelings all over again. And I'm completely blown away by what a rude dude he was the very next day. When he emailed me to ask if he could come by again, I told him he needed to get everything out in one day & I needed to make arrangements for a friend to be here with me because his behavior made me very uncomfortable (and he'd never go off on me in front of someone else.) He was pissed but agreed to the terms. I haven't heard back from him for a week. I'm so messed up behind still loving him, knowing we can't get back together unless there are major changes, knowing those changes aren't going to happen, feeling all that love come back & then him being such a d******* the next day. UGH! Someone tell me, "Oh, Sweetheart, of course you're miserable. You love him so much. And it hurts that it's over. BUT SNAP OUT OF IT!!!! Go out and start living your new life already!" Thanks for letting me vent & whine & try to get a grip.
leoc1973 Posted August 1, 2011 Posted August 1, 2011 I am thinking maybe he is still very in love with you and after he saw you he talked to a friend or something and they told him that you being so nice to him was leading him on or something like that so he got mad. Too bad he probably could have gotten back into your life. Also I was reading this thing called fractionalization or something like that. It supposedly when you be very nice to a girl and then be very mean. I guess it does something to a womans psycology or something. Google it maybe that is what he is trying on you. I am a firm believer that when two people love each other and there was no cheating or abuse then there is no such thing as not trying over and over again till you get it right. You just do! Most people on here will tell you to move on and all that stuff but they don't know what you have with this person. I would talk to him and lay your feelings out he is probably still very much in love with you! I know after 3 months with my ex I would love for her to give me another chance.
Jdw_Icequeen Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 I agree with leo a bit.. He saw you felt the warm fuzzy feelings but then somthing clicked he dosen't want to feel those feelings. Who wants to feel like they lost someone they love? So its possible he wanted a fight out of you for you to yell back at him so he could be more angry and validate the reason for the break up. Make all the warm fuzzies go away... Your doing the right thing with having a friend over while he gets the rest of his stuff.. So I am going to say "Oh, Sweetheart, of course you're miserable. You love him so much. And it hurts that it's over. BUT SNAP OUT OF IT!!!! Go out and start living your new life already!" It will take time, losing love is (miserable) you will get to the point of snapping out of it just hold tight!
Author jchips Posted August 3, 2011 Author Posted August 3, 2011 I am a firm believer that when two people love each other and there was no cheating or abuse then there is no such thing as not trying over and over again till you get it right. You just do! Most people on here will tell you to move on and all that stuff but they don't know what you have with this person. I would talk to him and lay your feelings out he is probably still very much in love with you! I know after 3 months with my ex I would love for her to give me another chance. Thanks so much for your insights and encouragement, leo. I was thinking along those lines, too, but the mixed signals have me so confused. I DO believe in true love and I honestly believe we had the real thing going between us. But for now, I think it's best just to let things cool off and let some time pass and see what it all feels like in a few weeks. I have no desire to put my feelings out there to him when he's not at all in a receptive mood. I really don't need to feel worse than I already feel. I'll let you know if/when I do. I'll definitely need encouragement then!
Author jchips Posted August 3, 2011 Author Posted August 3, 2011 I agree with leo a bit.. He saw you felt the warm fuzzy feelings but then somthing clicked he dosen't want to feel those feelings. Who wants to feel like they lost someone they love? So its possible he wanted a fight out of you for you to yell back at him so he could be more angry and validate the reason for the break up. Make all the warm fuzzies go away... It will take time, losing love is (miserable) you will get to the point of snapping out of it just hold tight! Thanks, Icequeen. Yeah, I'm with both of you guys. I think consciously or unconsciously, he's needing to put some distance between us. I'm beginning to think that maybe his anger was just a way of masking how hurt he feels, too. Knowing him, he really uses anger to express almost any difficult emotion. So maybe it was a sign of hurt and a way to keep me away. Well, it worked! It freaked me out! Yeah, I'm holding tight. This is way harder than any break up I've ever been through. But I know I'll either get through this thing, or maybe, just maybe, we'll find a way to work it out. Thanks again!
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