quietGuy13 Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 Women seem to not like guys with no self confidence and who are negative. I'm a shy guy who's negative. I always say/write in emails/chats "Nobody likes me, i'm stupid, i'm boring, my life is boring and you wouldn't be interested in me" Well i wrote an email to a girl who was my friend before and she's coming back in August to mmy city so she was happy and wrote and email that she's looking forward to seeing me. That email just maybe killed it? now she won't like me, right?
Cracker Jack Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 (edited) Stop putting that crap in your emails. The woman was looking forward to see you, and all you can do is degrade yourself in your response to her? Come on. You weren't looking forward to seeing her? If you're trying to make positive progress, I suggest you stop putting yourself down. Not sure if she's going to be completely turned off by this, but you're definitely not helping yourself here. Keep it up and you'll find yourself in the same hopeless position wondering why things aren't improving. Edited July 30, 2011 by Cracker Jack
Eddie Edirol Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 Women seem to not like guys with no self confidence and who are negative. I'm a shy guy who's negative. I always say/write in emails/chats "Nobody likes me, i'm stupid, i'm boring, my life is boring and you wouldn't be interested in me" let me call you a waaaaambulance.
cerridwen Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 Stop putting that crap in your emails. The woman was looking forward to see you, and all you can do is degrade yourself in your response to her? Come on. You weren't looking forward to seeing her? If you're trying to make positive progress, I suggest you stop putting yourself down. Not sure if she's going to be completely turned off by this, but you're definitely not helping yourself here. Keep it up and you'll find yourself in the same hopeless position wondering why things aren't improving. ^^Digging you more and more, Cracker Jack. Self-pity is a major turn-off, OP, major. It's not just that it's negative, it can often feel manipulative to others. I know it does to me. You know what? Lets let Wikipedia explain it... Self-pity or "feeling sorry for oneself" is ...characterized by a person's belief that he or she is the victim of events and is therefore deserving of condolence... Self-pity is generally regarded as a negative emotion in that it does not generally help deal with adverse situations, their feelings of self-pity will be sustained. However self-pity is a way of paying attention to oneself, albeit negatively; it is a means of self-soothing or self-nurturing ("I hurt so much"). Social-Learning theorists purport that self-pity is a method for gaining attention, probably as a child, where an individual received attention, support, and nurturing while being sick or hurt. The child then grows up having learned to give attention to oneself (or ask for attention from others) while in real or dramatized distress to receive the same payoff. Thus, another form of self-sustainment can be sympathy offered by others (for example, someone might use the phrase "oh, you poor thing" to comfort the person in self-pity).
whichwayisup Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 Write her back and say you were having a tough day and shouldn't have vented to her..Tell her that you too, are looking forward to seeing her and hearing about what's been going on in her life. Focus on her more when you see her, ask lots of questions and when she asks about you, turn the focus back on her (give her a little run down about your life, but if you are feeling crappy and negative, fake it and smile!!)..
cerridwen Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 Stop putting that crap in your emails. The woman was looking forward to see you, and all you can do is degrade yourself in your response to her? Come on. You weren't looking forward to seeing her? If you're trying to make positive progress, I suggest you stop putting yourself down. Not sure if she's going to be completely turned off by this, but you're definitely not helping yourself here. Keep it up and you'll find yourself in the same hopeless position wondering why things aren't improving. ^^Digging you more and more, Cracker Jack. Self-pity is a major turn-off, OP, major. It's not just that it's negative, it can often feel manipulative to others. I know it does to me. You know what? Lets let Wikipedia explain it... "Self-pity or "feeling sorry for oneself" is ...characterized by a person's belief that he or she is the victim of events and is therefore deserving of condolence... Self-pity is generally regarded as a negative emotion in that it does not generally help deal with adverse situations, their feelings of self-pity will be sustained. However self-pity is a way of paying attention to oneself, albeit negatively; it is a means of self-soothing or self-nurturing ("I hurt so much"). Social-Learning theorists purport that self-pity is a method for gaining attention, probably as a child, where an individual received attention, support, and nurturing while being sick or hurt. The child then grows up having learned to give attention to oneself (or ask for attention from others) while in real or dramatized distress to receive the same payoff. Thus, another form of self-sustainment can be sympathy offered by others (for example, someone might use the phrase "oh, you poor thing" to comfort the person in self-pity)." Bottom line, it's best that you not seek comfort or reassurance this way. Work on shoring up that insecurity and resist looking for sympathy through self-pity.
leftfordead2 Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 That is a HUGE turn off. Imagine she was thinking of going out and having a good time with you but you turn all emo and it seemed like you're trying to fish for compliments.:sick::sick::sick: What are you gonna talk about when you're out with her? How unfortunate your life is and how lonely you are? That's a surefire way to go about doing things if you don't want to see her again.
Rinas Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 It's much better to talk about yourself in a positive light. Nobody is attracted to low self esteem. You need to take a look at your good qualities and build from there. Work on the way you see yourself!
sm1tten Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 Self-deprecating humor is okay. Occasional flashes of low self-esteem/lack of confidence/unsureness of self can be dealt with. Constantly and consistently putting yourself down, especially in the face of a positive comment (I am looking forward to seeing you) is no good. All is probably not lost though. You really need to stop seeing every interaction as "end game."
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