Paige1377 Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 It's been five weeks since my ex fiancee of six years and I broke up and I moved with our 11 month old out of state. Somedays are good, somedays bad. Since the split we started out friendly bc I had hope we could reconcile, but as the weeks pass I have lost the hope. He came a week ago to visit his daughter, I am drawn to him like a bug to a light. I still love him, and want our family together he knows that. He kept trying last weekend to get me to eat with him, even bought me a drink one night and we discussed arrangements for our daughter. We communicated all weekend bc it was over my daughter, but when he left I cried, couldn't take it. I sent him a text saying I couldn't watch him leave when I loved him and he needed to give me space so I could move on. He never responded to that text. He's not emotional at all, the split was ugly, I was insecure thinking he was cheating and he was focusing on getting a promotion. We have discussed me moving back to a city we used to live in so he could see his daughter more and I can have a much better job than where I am now. He confuses me, he gets so upset, like last night I asked him for the 600 dollars he said he would give me for stuff I left so I can move, and he told me I made him miserable, that I should just suck it up and deal with it. I kept telling him this is about our child, yet he keot bringing up the past. However, when he was here he told me he thinks everyday about me and my daughter coming back, just doesn't want fights. He said if we could make it work it would take some time bc we have six years of history, not always good and those issues have to be worked out. I am trying to move on, daily I think about him less and less, but I think if I move closer I am setting myself up for failure. I will be more available to him, and he knows what I want and I think being in that city he may try to come back, and like the distance while he works somewhere else. I am heartbroken, and I am missing him so much. He has told me a little of his life, but we don't discuss our personal lives. I think he's dating but I am not bc I need to build a life for my daughter and I. So question, do you think its a bad idea to move closer to ex so he can see his daughter more? Also, why is he so mad at me, is it bc I am intervening on his new life, or is it bc he is just now trying to move on as well? I think he just now sees I am going to move on and that he may not have his family back. I am way messed up about all of this, I am going to therapy and am starting anti depressants, but I just don't understand. He tells me he doesn't want me right now, then says he could see it working out. He also told me not to wait, but he knows my love is still there. What do you think?
zlatnapolja Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 It's been five weeks since my ex fiancee of six years and I broke up and I moved with our 11 month old out of state. Somedays are good, somedays bad. Since the split we started out friendly bc I had hope we could reconcile, but as the weeks pass I have lost the hope. He came a week ago to visit his daughter, I am drawn to him like a bug to a light. I still love him, and want our family together he knows that. He kept trying last weekend to get me to eat with him, even bought me a drink one night and we discussed arrangements for our daughter. We communicated all weekend bc it was over my daughter, but when he left I cried, couldn't take it. I sent him a text saying I couldn't watch him leave when I loved him and he needed to give me space so I could move on. He never responded to that text. He's not emotional at all, the split was ugly, I was insecure thinking he was cheating and he was focusing on getting a promotion. We have discussed me moving back to a city we used to live in so he could see his daughter more and I can have a much better job than where I am now. He confuses me, he gets so upset, like last night I asked him for the 600 dollars he said he would give me for stuff I left so I can move, and he told me I made him miserable, that I should just suck it up and deal with it. I kept telling him this is about our child, yet he keot bringing up the past. However, when he was here he told me he thinks everyday about me and my daughter coming back, just doesn't want fights. He said if we could make it work it would take some time bc we have six years of history, not always good and those issues have to be worked out. I am trying to move on, daily I think about him less and less, but I think if I move closer I am setting myself up for failure. I will be more available to him, and he knows what I want and I think being in that city he may try to come back, and like the distance while he works somewhere else. I am heartbroken, and I am missing him so much. He has told me a little of his life, but we don't discuss our personal lives. I think he's dating but I am not bc I need to build a life for my daughter and I. So question, do you think its a bad idea to move closer to ex so he can see his daughter more? Also, why is he so mad at me, is it bc I am intervening on his new life, or is it bc he is just now trying to move on as well? I think he just now sees I am going to move on and that he may not have his family back. I am way messed up about all of this, I am going to therapy and am starting anti depressants, but I just don't understand. He tells me he doesn't want me right now, then says he could see it working out. He also told me not to wait, but he knows my love is still there. What do you think? A.) You need some time for yourself. Think about what YOU want. What job do you want? Is there an activity like sports or something else that you can start to do? Also what would you like for your daughter? In the future: what kind of relationship would you like your daughter to have with your ex fiance? Moving closer to your ex for the sake of your child is a good idea, a child needs both parents! But before you do that, think about what you can do to protect yourself emotionally. Understand that you moving back, doesnt mean things between you and your ex will work out. They might, but its not a guarantee;) B.) Dont start anti depressants! These pills are not a joke. I get that you are depressed, but from what I hear this is because of the break up. Anti depressend, can make you even more depressed and its difficult to quit, once you've started taking them. Anti depressend have a much better effect on people with a hormonal problem. Continue therapy and continue to focus on you! Good luck!
Author Paige1377 Posted July 30, 2011 Author Posted July 30, 2011 I want to be able to support my daughter and if I can get this job I would be able to do that. I want to be healthier and happier for her, and honestly just have a clean life where I can watch my daughter grow. I stopped worrying about what he is doing a couple weeks ago, it's his life. Its just when I saw him he seemed just as messed up about the breakup as me. I want my daughter to have both parents in her life, and I don't want to keep her from him. Moving would mean I would give up my support system here which is my family. Another thing, the other day he made some snide comment about how this guy I was friends with could help me get a job. He said "you're ****ing boyfriend can do it." I don't get it, he doesn't want me yet he seems jealous I would be closer to someone he was threatened by when we were together. I just see now a lot of the fighting was bc of miscommunication and not understanding. By moving on I will date eventually, bc I love having someone who loves my daughter and me, but won't until it's fair to the new person. This is our second breakup, and even when I saw my ex I saw the pain in his eyes bc he can't see his daughter, but then a week later in anger he says he doesn't care about me. Is he confused? From a guys perspective what could he be fighting internally? I don't think he let us leave for another woman, I just smothered him. I won't wait for him, but will my love for him fade? I just wish I could predict the future, see if through time and space if we could both grow as individuals and be able to work it out. I don't know if he loves me either, he is hot and cold and I never know what he will say. I just wish I knew!
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