emby Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 I can't cope. I can't move on. I can't get over it. Here are some things he said to me today: “It was never easy for me, it is never easy to just stop something that I enjoyed at one point and it's never easy to hurt someone cus it's not something I like to do and never intend to do but I think it was easier for me compared to you because I was unhappy at the end of the relationship and being single felt like a weight lifted of my shoulders. There is no way I can change how you feel but I do want you to know that for now I enjoy being single, I don't mean that as in going out looking for girls cus you know too well I don't do that cus im **** at it but I enjoy the times I am spending with my friends and the time I am getting to myself. Who knows if i could be happy with you, thats for the crystal ball to decide but all I know is I am happy at the moment and until that changes I am happy to continue as I am. I am sorry for letting you down but I can’t say something I don’t mean, I am trying not to hurt you anymore than I already have but I have to be honest and say that I am happier being single than being together. I am sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the guy for you, in time you will find someone amazing for you, someone who wont let you down in times of need and someone who will always care and be there for you. I’m just sorry that couldnt be me.” Is there ANY hope in this? ANYTHING? If not, I think I'm going to give up because I can't be happy anymore. I'm still crying every night weeks and weeks later. I can't cope.
wilsonx Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 He's a bitch (I think this is the only word that doesnt get starred out so I use it for both sexes). Why are you still talking to him? Stop talking to him, reading his emails etc etc. When you finally do, the crying becomes less and less. I'm 2 months out and I still have my moments where a tear or five will run down my cheek once every couple days but you have to let him go and tell him to **** off if he wont stop talking to you. GO NC
fofiffs Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 He's a bitch (I think this is the only word that doesnt get starred out so I use it for both sexes). Why are you still talking to him? Stop talking to him, reading his emails etc etc. When you finally do, the crying becomes less and less. I'm 2 months out and I still have my moments where a tear or five will run down my cheek once every couple days but you have to let him go and tell him to **** off if he wont stop talking to you. GO NC Ok, I don't post much on here but I do read from time to time. Why are you saying this guy is a bitch. At least he's being honest with her and not giving her any false hope. Give the guy credit for not telling her what she wants to hear. From what I read, it seems the guy is sincere about what he is saying and does want her to be happy without him. What do you expect, do you want him to lie to her?
WTRanger Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 Here, I changed it for you to what you should be saying. I can cope. I can move on. I can get over it. Stop thinking you can't. There is no hope, he's being honest with you. At least you get that. He's telling you he's not happy, so he had to make himself happy and that meant ending the relationship. That's not being selfish, that's being realistic. Expecting someone, who is clearly unhappy, to stay in a relationship just for your own gain is selfish. He owned up and told you the truth. He's telling you to move on because he already has started to. Just let this one go and start the healing process.
Forever Learning Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 So many great links here about second chances and no contact, have you read this one? I thought it was so well written. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t84894/ Ultimately you need to get to a place of peace, being miserable is no way to live, with or without him. Good luck to you.
fofiffs Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 (edited) And to be honest, that is a great example of a good dumper. He was straight forward, honest and didn't give false hope in what he was saying. Unlike some other threads i've read on here where some dumpers give the dumpee false hope like telling them I miss you but just want to be friends or hey lets hang and see where it goes from there and the most popular line "I want to be friends." I'm not trying to take the dumpers side nor anyone, I'm just saying this is a good example of what a dumper should be. And Emby I am sorry to hear about what you are going through right now. The best advice I can give you is to take it day by day. And like everyone is saying here, NC is your bestfriend. Take what he said to you as closure and consider yourself lucky to have gotten that because most people on here don't even get that. From my experience in break ups, there is a light at the end of that tunnel. You may not see it now but its there, I promise you that. Edited July 30, 2011 by fofiffs
Author emby Posted July 30, 2011 Author Posted July 30, 2011 And to be honest, that is a great example of a good dumper. He was straight forward, honest and didn't give false hope in what he was saying. Unlike some other threads i've read on here where some dumpers give the dumpee false hope like telling them I miss you but just want to be friends or hey lets hang and see where it goes from there and the most popular line "I want to be friends." I'm not trying to take the dumpers side nor anyone, I'm just saying this is a good example of what a dumper should be. Hm hm I don't mean to burst your bubble but he did say "I want to be friends", and we are friends, hence talking. It's not like I broke no contact. I didn't speak to him for a week when he went away but apart from that we've carried on talking little bits here and there. He still wants me in his life and doesn't want to cut ties etc. And he always says "we'll have to see what happens". Nevertheless I agree he was a good dumper. He even held my hand and took the train with me back home and all the way back by himself when he broke things off. Just makes me love him all the more. Wish he'd just cheated on me like any normal guy. I'm sorry for not being as strong as the rest of you are. This is just one breakup too many for me and I was kind of counting on putting this one back together.
lovesickmonkey Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 I got to agree wif fofiffs on this one. I WISH my rejection sounded something like that. He was sincere, kind, and delicate. I agree there should be no contact but I do give him credit for being a decent fellow who is trying his best not to hurt more than possible. That's how I wish my ex had been. She showed no human compassion.
Author emby Posted July 30, 2011 Author Posted July 30, 2011 (edited) I got to agree wif fofiffs on this one. I WISH my rejection sounded something like that. He was sincere, kind, and delicate. I agree there should be no contact but I do give him credit for being a decent fellow who is trying his best not to hurt more than possible. That's how I wish my ex had been. She showed no human compassion. He's not explained himself/spoken like that until now. He broke up with me 6 weeks ago. I wish he would just be horrible to me so I could get over him. Even the way he broke up with me was perfect. I wish I had a single reason to even dislike him slightly, trust me. So much easier when I had an ex who left me for another girl. Edit: It wasn't easier in that in hurt less, in a way. It was a bigger ego killer. But it was easy to hate the guy and move on and sing Alanis Morisette songs. Incidentally he came crawling back as soon as I got a new boyfriend. This breakup is more like...I still love him, I did nothing wrong, and he did nothing wrong and my head can't process it. Edited July 30, 2011 by emby
fofiffs Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 Hm hm I don't mean to burst your bubble but he did say "I want to be friends", and we are friends, hence talking. It's not like I broke no contact. I didn't speak to him for a week when he went away but apart from that we've carried on talking little bits here and there. He still wants me in his life and doesn't want to cut ties etc. And he always says "we'll have to see what happens". Nevertheless I agree he was a good dumper. He even held my hand and took the train with me back home and all the way back by himself when he broke things off. Just makes me love him all the more. Wish he'd just cheated on me like any normal guy. I'm sorry for not being as strong as the rest of you are. This is just one breakup too many for me and I was kind of counting on putting this one back together. Well at least now you know how he truely feels and gave you closure. And as hard as it may be stick with NC, it really does help. Staying in contact with him will only make things harder on you. And be kind to yourself, take things one day at a time, go out and do things you've always wanted to do, pamper yourself. As time goes by it starts to get easier, I can promise you that.
Author emby Posted July 30, 2011 Author Posted July 30, 2011 Well at least now you know how he truely feels and gave you closure. And as hard as it may be stick with NC, it really does help. Staying in contact with him will only make things harder on you. And be kind to yourself, take things one day at a time, go out and do things you've always wanted to do, pamper yourself. As time goes by it starts to get easier, I can promise you that. Thank you, honestly.
DontWorryBHappy Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 Girl, my ex wanted to be friends with me and I refused, as you should. You're his "friend" yet you have to hear him say things like this? Things that tear you up inside? I know you'll do what you choose, but in my opinion it is WAY too soon to consider being this guy's friend. It will be months before you could even think about it. But anyway... You're lucky. My ex wanted to be friends, and I rejected it. But then he asked for me back then LEFT, and even said he wanted to be with me in the "near future" after he "fixes his issues". I couldn't stay away from him until he finally told me he was no longer planning to come back! Which is essentially what your ex just told you. My advice: Take those words and believe them wholeheartedly. Let yourself feel free right now, knowing that you didnt do anything wrong, and you are ALLOWED to go out and do something alternative with your life. Whatever you want! Take all the pain of the loss and put it into something amazing. This is the BEST THING you could possibly do right now.
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