Tomhanksjr Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 This upset me today. And I was thinking I would propose some rule to all us single people out there. Because when you're aren't nice on a date it just makes it that much harder for the person you were on a date with to summons the energy to try again. Let's be honest dating can be a little bit of a drag. Even if you try not to take it too seriously, if somebody is rude to you after you were nice to them, it's a bummer. So, I propose that all single people who are looking, be nice to other singles and treat them with kidness and respect. Treat others better than you even treat yourself, be your better self to others who are struggling like you to find what we all want, love. With that said, here is what bothers me. A young woman and I went on a date. Now we're both in our late 30's so we're nit emotional teenagers, we're full fledged adults. And when I go on dates, I like to take my date to wherever she would like to go. I generally give her a few choices that I think would fit different styles. So, with this young lady, I proposed, a cheap but fun outdoorsy date, a medium priced cafe date and an up scale trendy date. She picked the up scale date.. And I was happy. I love taking women on dates to nice restaurants. I love getting dressed up a bit and I love women in cocktail dresses and I enjoy the entire experience of a good meal. And I was hoping she would too. I don't take women to nice places to 'get lucky' or to try to impress, I just do it because I want to share the experience with somebody new and perhaps if we're very lucky it will be one of those evenings in your life that you always remember. We met for the first time at the restaurant. She was late, but no big deal and I told her so many times and made her feel comfortable. She looked nice in her dress and I said so, very casually and smiled. We had dinner, and talked a lot. There were no awkward pauses or anything. We laughed and smiled and it wasn't like crazy fun but it was pleasant enough. The restaurant was beautiful and the atmosphere was warm yet chic. I'm a pretty nice guy and I'm always careful of my words, so as not to offend. I'm polite, I hold chairs out and open doors. And of course I paid for the meal because I'm old fashioned that way. Plus, i think nothing breaks the mood of a pleasant evening than having to split up what was on a bill. But I noticed, she didn't eat much. Perhaps, I thought she wasn't hungry or she was nervous. After the meal she looked like she was pretty ready to go, and I walked her to the curb and got her a cab. I told her I had fun and told her if she wanted to see me again just let me know. I shut the door to the cab once she was in and then left. She really didn't respond to me after I said if you want to see me again... Which is ok. I mean it was just a blind date and I understand if maybe you don't like me. I'm not offensive or anything but maybe I'm a little geeky. I may be a little odd and I think too much sometimes. And I'm not Brad pitt's twin brother by any means, in fact you may even argue we're not from the same race of beings! But she saw my picture beforehand.. So it shouldn't have been a complete surprise. What ticked me off was that if I pay for a nice meal... And honestly, I don't have unlimited funds. I work hard for my money and I don't have a ton extra after all the bills are paid. I kind of save up and well then I pay for dinners as I said. And that's fine. But what would be very nice is a thank you text or email or call. To say hey, thanks for your time and for treating me. But I understand if you think I should contact you first because I am the man. So, I did. I texted you 'thank you for meeting me. I hope you enjoyed your dinner. If you would like to do any of those things we talked about at dinner just let me know!' But then you don't even text me back. And I feel it was rude of you. Even if you don't like me why wouldn't you just say, 'thank you for dinner. I had a nice time with you but i don't think we had much chemistry. Good luck in your search, you're a nice person and I'm sure you will find the one you are looking for soon.'. Or something like that. Even just 'thank you, it was nice to meet you, take care' .. I would have gotten the message. So now I sit here and I think, man I must really be a bad date, or I must really be ugly, or I must really have said something wrong to make her not even say one nice thing to me. Arch. Oh well. I enjoyed my meal, but maybe it was too expensive.. I don't know. Blah.
Mr. Slim Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 Well, she wasn't feeling it obviously. Yes, it would have been nice to get a thank you but would that really have made you feel any better? Every man has had a woman just fade away from them early on in the dating process rather than tell them up front they are not feeling it. At some point you consider it part of the deal. You should feel like quite the ladies man... you made it to your late 30s before experiencing this phenomenon.
NursingGirl Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 Even if you don't like me why wouldn't you just say, 'thank you for dinner. I had a nice time with you but i don't think we had much chemistry. Good luck in your search, you're a nice person and I'm sure you will find the one you are looking for soon.'. Or something like that. Even just 'thank you, it was nice to meet you, take care' .. I would have gotten the message. I would have definitely responded so I don't think that was very polite of her. I also don't think she should have chosen dinner at the fancy place on a first date. You gave her the choice but still. I know you wanted to make a good impression and start out right and all of that but on blind dates, I wouldn't do that. A quick meet where not much time or money is invested is best at first. Also, I find it pretty rude of her not to eat most of her meal. I'm sorry you had that experience! I have had some experiences that were not so cool. I could tell you stories to make you feel better!
Author Tomhanksjr Posted July 30, 2011 Author Posted July 30, 2011 I'm pretty much over it now. I guess writing it down helped. In defense of the restaurant.. It wasn't super high class..but it wasnt someplace you would eat at once a week. But here is my reasoning.. 1. I live in a major city, downtown. And the thirty something crowd.. Well that's the way most roll down here.. Yes.. It's yuppie-ville. So, I think some of the women here actually kind of expect an 'adult' restaurant. And I'm ok with that. It comes off a little more normal here than say... 2. Some women have told me that they don't like coffee dates because it shows a lack of effort, creativity and commitment. 3. I like going to nice restaurants sometimes.. Heck I would feel silly going by myself and im not going to take a guy friend! I'm 30 something I want to have a nice dinner in a nice restaurant with a pretty woman... It's a weakness of mine I guess. So maybe I don't have the right to complain about the cost because I wanted to go myself for myself. But still a little appreciation seems like come curtosy. I don't know.
thatone Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 don't beat yourself up too much over it. unless you're otherwise inept you won't have too much trouble finding women who when given the choice between you and the average dumbass in an affliction t shirt whose best date idea is beer pitchers at the bowling alley, choose you for the second date.
D-Lish Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 You know what I would have done in her situation? Split the bill with you. When I meet someone and don't feel any chemistry, I'll offer to pay half. I think that's the right thing to do. There was only one time I let a guy pay that I knew I was never going to see again... Because he spent the entire date lamenting about being in love with a married woman. I considered him paying my fee for being his therapist for 2 hours... Don't take this personally- and next time take your date to Denny's:lmao:
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