cantaloupe Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 My boyfriend of 5 1/2 years broke up with me... 2 days before my birthday. He had been studying for the bar exam and very stressed out. He had developed bad anxiety over the past couple of months, which he would take out on me through arguments and intermittently telling me not to talk to him until the exam was over/ breaking up with me. This behavior would only last a couple hours and then go away until his next bout of anxiety. (He apologized about 75% of the time this happened and I willingly forgave him.) Once he finished the bar (Wednesday) I was so excited because I thought he would be back to normal. I automatically started trying to make plans with him, etc. He told me he was still too stressed out to make plans or discuss anything future related but I didn't really listen. I fully accept the blame for that and have since e-mailed him an apology. We started arguing, he kept hanging up on me, I kept calling back, etc. Then he broke it off with me for good and has not tried to contact me. He blocked my phone number! I e-mailed him a bunch of times after and then I officially stopped. He clearly needs space. I'm so sad because I put my all into supporting him the past few months and truly do love him. This is the first tough break up I have ever been through. How do I get over this- especially on my birthday? I'm sad to lose my best friend. Is there any hope of getting back together or should I just try and move on? I'm devastated and need advice.
Author cantaloupe Posted July 29, 2011 Author Posted July 29, 2011 His birthday is also coming up within the week. Do I still give him his birthday gift? I still love him and would like him to know I care.
Nickelbee Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 His birthday is also coming up within the week. Do I still give him his birthday gift? I still love him and would like him to know I care. Sorry to hear about this. First of all, happy birthday. May you have a bright future. As a man, who has done his mistakes, i can give you the following advice: 1. Be the better person, do send him the gift. Not personally meet, just send it to him with a card saying i.e. Good luck with your result or something. 2. Just go NC. This is the hard part. He will see in the weeks to come that he treated you bad, and will hopefully regret. I would tbh. 3. Please do not chase him, as this will just feed his ego and make him feel...i think..sort of "high/in power". 4. This is really hard, put on a smile. 5 make up your mind if he comes back you can forgive him. I hope he is somewhere similar to (immature) mens thinking, because something similar happened to me for about 10 years ago. I was stressed out, and shut her out completly. I missed her to death after some weeks,(she cried a couple of days, i was cold...still pray for forgiveness, then she qent NC) but i lost her. I met her again about 1 year, but by then i had moved on as well as her. We are still in touch as friends now. If he comes back, do give him a little bit of hard time getting back...pamper yourself so he can see your hot/ what he is missing. We always want what we cant have, even if we had it sort of. This is really sad actually, i can see myself. I dont want to give you false hope, but sometmes we men are just soooo stupid: we dont know what we really have, untill its gone. I hope this will help, and please hold on. I believe in love,and you sound like a very lovely lady. I wish you the best, and please have a piece of cake.
Nickelbee Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 And please dont blame yourself. A man should be able to be calm under any circumstances. I learned that the hard way. You cant think what he is thinking, and when you made plans he could have declined politely.
Author cantaloupe Posted July 29, 2011 Author Posted July 29, 2011 Thank you for your kind words. It's hard not to take at least partial blame. I feel that's only fair since there were two people in the relationship and two people doing the fighting. However, I have occasionally found myself shouldering more blame with him than necessary in the past. I'm struggling because he seemed anxious and I want to be able to help him and make him feel better. I guess it's not my place and the only the thing that might do that is to leave him alone. I read up a little on NC. Do you think still giving him his birthday present would negate the NC stuff?
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