iamafraid Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 I have been married for 12 years, have 3 kids all below 7 years old... I am a good parent, an excellent provider and have always been faithful... our marriage has had its ups and downs as both of us brought with us a lot of emotional baggage, but for the past 5 years I have been working on myself (therapy, exersise, meditation, praying) and have been able to change a lot of the things she wanted me to change, more communication, more closeness, more validation from my part, and recognizing her work around the house. We have means, so I set for her a driver, and we have two maids (we don't live in the US) to help her around the house. Even when our first baby was born she had a nurse to help her 24 hours a day for 4 months and a night nurse to help her for 18 months after that, with our second baby was the same, she decided against the nurse for the third baby. She does not work so she has no real idea what it takes to make a buck, I had some problems with my business and have decreased my spending budget, nothing remarkable but instead of flying to Europe for the summer we flew to disneyland with the kids... she resents it... kind of weird as before we were married she was not a spoiled brat as she turned out to be with me (even her parents tell me its my fault as I spoiled her too much)... Three weeks ago I found some emails, (here we go), where she was very flirtisious with a friend of ours, the husband of a friend of hers, I confronted her and she denied it after I told her I signed in her computer and saw them, then she was furious with me for spying on her, saying it was a lack of respect of my part... the same day she changed her email and continued with her emails, now more serious and saying they should better talk on the phone... he live one block from where we live so imagine what I think when she disapeared for hours, as if she wanted to make me feel bad, she could have disappeared more discretely but she decided to make if very obvious... she never accepted that what we did was bad and it was hurting me, she just said if was inocent and with "him" she was only talking but it was no drama or no complaints so she liked it... I decided to believe in her (even though she does not know that I know she changed emails and I saw one, I could not have the stomach to see more)... Since them we had some vacations we had planned months before and even though the places we were visiting were beautiful she has always this face of insatisfaction and hate towards me... I made a mistake and decided to "turn on the love" in order to win her back and was all over her, buying her things, telling her how much I loved her, etc... she did not respected that and she turn even nastier than before... Bottomline... I am sooooo afraid to leave my family, more than her I will miss spending time with the kids all the time... I am a very present father as I sometimes work from home and have the time and energy to be with them all my free time... Just last night she told me she needed some space, just after discussing what car to buy her, she wants a range rover and I said we had a different budget so she needs to look for something cheaper... after that discussion she told me... she needs her space and has many things to forgive me and she can't do it with me... she even said to remember what I told her 2 weeks ago when I said" You are an incredible woman and you are worth fighting for, so I will fight for you", then she said regarding to what I had said to her " I don't think tyhe same way"... meaning she does not think I am worth fighting for... I am a good looking man, descent body, with money, great father, hard working, etc... even though I believe I am worth fighting for, hearing the contrary from her devastated me, much more than I would like to accept... We are in the middle of moving to a house on the beach, we go into that house in 3 days, she wants me to let her alone there with the kids, I don't want to as I believe the change alone is stressful enough for the kids (new school etc) and to top it all off with having a parent less in the house all of a sudden I believe it is the worst timing... I am telling her that I suggest staying a couple of months in the house and then revisiting the idea of a trail separation... she has always been miserable, before we were married she blamed her father and now she blames me, so for her taking me out of the picture all of ther problems will go away... the problem is that I truly love her and I love the idea of having a united family... she insists on me leaving... I AM SO AFRAID THAT EVERYTHING WILL CHANGE, THAT i WILL SEE MY KIDS LESS, THAT NOTHING WILL BE THE SAME... I CONSIDERED TO BE A BRAVE MAN, BUT I REALIZE NOW THAT I AM SOOOOOOOO AFRAID!!!!
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