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Broken up from LDR but moving to town of ex should I let her know?

loverboy1984

By loverboy1984
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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loverboy1984 Established Member

loverboy1984

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My ex girlfriend broke up with me in march after 6yrs. She still claims to love me yet is dating another guy. We were in a LDR and now I am going to work at a hospital in her town. She knew this was going to happen before we broke up, which was the reason she went to school in that town hoping that we get to finaly be together. Im in NC with her but she told me to let her know when I come there so we can get coffee or something. I already told her I dont want to be friends. I still have feelings for her even though I know it would be hard to take her back after the hurt she caused me and my family with the way she conducted herself.

 

so what do you think I should do? let her know Im there to make her feel bad that Im there but we are not together or stay NC and let her seek me out to see where I am? Im not her friend on FB and she would have no way of knowing im there.

 

Thanks

immitable Established Member

immitable

Posted
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Hi, I would say don't contact her, it should prevent you from getting hurt i.e. seeing her with another guy or such, the focus should be on YOU, new town new possibilities. Best of luck

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

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Ignorance is bliss. She's not stupid, she knows you'll be there sooner or later and plus, YOU"RE NOT TOGETHER ANYMORE!!! Your location is none of her business. Now, enjoy the move, get settled and save for some nice get away weekends with some nurses in that hospital....just saying.

skibum Member

skibum

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Hey loverboy its good to see you again. I remember you and your story very well, I'm the guy who has pretty much the exact same story as you (med school, LDR, dumped right before Step 1, girl now with someone else, sh***y situation).

 

If I were you I wouldnt call her and let her know. Have someone else tell her though. It would be nice of her to know and all that, why..... Im not sure. When I go work at the same hospital the ex is at in 9 months I'll be sure to let her parents know and I am sure they will tell her but I do not want to call her in person and tell her. That way, the ball is in her court and as everyone says: if she want you back she will move mountains to make that happen. Whether you or I take them back when that happens is another story.

 

Making sure they know though is a good thing, just dont do it personally because that way its a break in NC and leaving you open to more rejection.

 

Other than that, how is life? How are rotations?

 

I just finished cardio and that was really cool. I have surgery next month and I CANNOT wait!!!!

Finch Established Member

Finch

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Posted

My opinion is no, do not contact her, do not let her know you are moving into town. You have already told her you do not want to be friends. There is then no need for you to tell her you are moving into town, and no need for the two of you to "get coffee or something".

From your post it seems like you might be holding out some hope that if you let her know you're moving into town she's going to break up with her current boyfriend and resume her relationship with you. Even if that were to happen, would you really want that? She chose to end the relationship and start a new one with someone else. Do you want to be back in her life just because you've moved and now it's suddenly more convenient for her?

As for telling her you're moving so that she'll be hurt, to me that indicates you are not over the relationship or the breakup. It's petty and revengeful and won't help you heal.

Go. Move and establish a new life for yourself. Seek out new friends and new experiences and leave the past in the past. And if you happen to run into her just say hi and then keep on walking.

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loverboy1984 Established Member

loverboy1984

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Thank you all for your responses. I will not be contacting her. I know she may text me out of curiosity to see if Im there yet and maybe then I will tell her but will be to busy to meet if she wants to. I will announce it on Facebook but I defriended her and she wont know but her sister and grandmother may see it since Im still their friends. She told her family the reason we broke up was because we were " going in two separate directions" so she didnt tell them the truth and told me not to say anything. It will be funny when they see that we didnt go in two separate directions and I live 15 min away from her.

 

Im not completely over the break up but getting to a better point every day. I still have some low moments and everytime I feel great I fall down harder later on. I dont want revenge or anything bad just to show her what she did was not really worth it for her. She threw away me a successful, caring, committed, good looking guy with a family who loved her for some guy who has broken two engagements and not serious with her. I want to let her see if it was worth it. I cant take her back but its gonna be hard. I still fantasize that she will return so that I can say no but it will be a hard no. She told me the guy is not her BF but that their dating. When I called it a friends with benefits she didn't correct me.

 

SKIBUM

 

Glad to hear from you. I took Step 1 but my scores were delayed 2 months but finaly got them. I havent been scheduled for rotations yet but will start in a couple weeks in NY. I did ok on Step 1 but wish I didnt have this issue taking up space in my head so I could have done better. Cant help wondering how much better I could have done if this had not happened.

Arlia Member

Arlia

Posted
Posted (edited)

Hey loverboy. Your story reminds me of mine. I'll sum it up quickly:

 

I was in a LDR for 4.5 years and the last year has been difficult. She stopped loving me 5 months before the BU and developped feelings for someone else. 2 months after the BU, I went to her country and found a job, and I tried to reconnect with her.

 

We spent a good time everytime we met, as if we were still together so I slowly started to have expectations. Everytime we met, I felt happy, but as soon as we parted, i'd feel depressed and I would try to contact her when we couldn't meet. Eventually I became pushy and clingy so I said enough, I need to know where I stand. We discussed and said goodbye because her romantic feelings are gone. Now I'm trying hard to keep NC (10 days).

 

So, if you still love her and are hoping for a second chance, you will be tempted to contact her to try to work things out. Sometimes people need to learn the hard way, so nobody can stop you if you want to try, but be warned that it may turn out like it did for me - more pain for you.

 

I don't know the reason for the breakup, but I find it very weird she tells you 'I love you' while dating another dude...

Edited by Arlia
skibum Member

skibum

Posted
Posted
Thank you all for your responses. I will not be contacting her. I know she may text me out of curiosity to see if Im there yet and maybe then I will tell her but will be to busy to meet if she wants to. I will announce it on Facebook but I defriended her and she wont know but her sister and grandmother may see it since Im still their friends. She told her family the reason we broke up was because we were " going in two separate directions" so she didnt tell them the truth and told me not to say anything. It will be funny when they see that we didnt go in two separate directions and I live 15 min away from her.

 

Im not completely over the break up but getting to a better point every day. I still have some low moments and everytime I feel great I fall down harder later on. I dont want revenge or anything bad just to show her what she did was not really worth it for her. She threw away me a successful, caring, committed, good looking guy with a family who loved her for some guy who has broken two engagements and not serious with her. I want to let her see if it was worth it. I cant take her back but its gonna be hard. I still fantasize that she will return so that I can say no but it will be a hard no. She told me the guy is not her BF but that their dating. When I called it a friends with benefits she didn't correct me.

 

SKIBUM

 

Glad to hear from you. I took Step 1 but my scores were delayed 2 months but finaly got them. I havent been scheduled for rotations yet but will start in a couple weeks in NY. I did ok on Step 1 but wish I didnt have this issue taking up space in my head so I could have done better. Cant help wondering how much better I could have done if this had not happened.

 

I'm sorry to hear that the process is tough, but what you said about her eventually seeing tht what she did was not worth it is right on. Your ex and my ex made a huge mistake in letting us go. Its nobodys loss but their own. One day in less than 2 years when we are docs and their new flings have lost the "new man" feeling, our exes will regret what they did, no doubt. But now is the time to work on ourselves! Obviously they need someone else there to validate their self esteem by bouncing from one relationship to another, but we don't so in the end we are much more mature and healthy. Get some sweet hobbies! Ive hiked Mt Whitney, did a triathlon, joined a half marathon in a month. This feels great I was never this active dating her! And working in the hospital makes me fel great, I am in a much better place than I have been in years.

 

What we went through changes a person drastically but at least we are doing it in a positive way and in a few years we will look back and laugh at the exes stupidity.

 

 

Anyway, I got my Step 1 back and although I was glad I passed I can guarantee I would have gotten 20 points higher had I not been stabbed in the back by someone I trusted who couldnt keep her pants on. But o well, by honoring all my rotations and rocking Step 2 next summer and getting to know all the residents and doctors I am sure I will make up for it. Good luck in a month in New York! I'll be doing all my externships in a year back home in CA and I dont plan on letting the ex I am back home, too. Smart move.

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loverboy1984 Established Member

loverboy1984

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SKIBUM

 

dude you rock. Being active is an understatement with what you said you did. I believe it though. I have been working out alot more, eating better and I look better than I have ever looked, not that I didnt look good before. I still have lows but Im hoping in a couple weeks once I move to NY and start rotations I will be busy doing what I love and feel good doing it and hopefully that will take my mind off things. I am totally there with you about doing 20 points better on Step 1 if I wasnt screwed over before my test. Im happy I passed and I felt I could have done better too. I have a friend who studied longer, took a class and isolated himself and had a piece of mind and he got the same score.

 

Even if our exes come back we cannot give them the fruits of our accomplishments when they left us the moment we were struggling hard to reach our goals.

 

We are bigger people and our career paths will show us better people who are more sophisticated and psychologically mature. Lets use this break up as an experience and experiment in love. Lets be more aware of people we are with so we can guard our heart and well being. Hopefully this doesnt happen with Step 2.

 

Im happy for you and hope to follow in your steps in healing and feeling great. Im already on my way. Im getting excited on starting this new stage in my life. Good luck to you and It has been comforting knowing someone here is in the exact situation as me and is doing great.

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