loverboy1984 Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 Im a long time poster on this site and havent posted in a while but have some questions Id like to discuss. I was in a 6yr relationship which ended in march. Before it ended I felt her going cold and distant and when she asked for a break I started to worry. At this time I was also studying for a medical board exam and was under alot of stress. I told her 2 days before she broke up with me that I didnt want to lose her and that she meant alot to me and I pointed out everything that was wrong with me that I could change. She told me that she was 99% sure she would end up with me and that she loves me. I got emotional during this conversation. well she broke up with me without a reason 2 days later. I went NC for 2.5 months then talked to her to get closure and she pointed out all little things in the past such as arguements as her reason, also LDR, and stupid reasons why we are not compatible (although she had said we fit together well many times before) and finaly that she is now dating the guy she cheated on me with. I didnt ask for her back or beg but now Im blaming myself and thinking what if I fought for her then and now, what if she thinks I never fought for it. This was a serious relationship and I was about to purpose to her next summer. Did I do the right thing to not ask to work things out after the fact? Shes studying to be a Psychologist and Im almost a Doctor, and I told her I dont understand how two people who are problem solvers cannot get together to solve problems instead of abruptly break up.
0hpenelope Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 (edited) You could've tried begging back then, but knowing what you know about how things went down, how effective would begging have been with her? I'm not talking about people's collective experiences here, I'm not talking about what others have said. I'm talking about what you know with her, with you as a couple, and with yourself as an individual. Sometimes, it's got nothing to do with this: Shes studying to be a Psychologist and Im almost a Doctor, and I told her I dont understand how two people who are problem solvers cannot get together to solve problems instead of abruptly break up. I'm also in the Sciences, my ex is in the computer field, etc. Sometimes, it's really got nothing to do with it at all. If she didn't want to solve the problem with you, similar in nature of the reasons my ex broke up with me, then she doesn't want to. We can call not working on problems with us as the easy way out and maybe we're right, but struggling against their decision for themselves seems futile to me. Edited July 29, 2011 by 0hpenelope
immitable Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 begging brings nothing if the other person doesn't share the same feelings as you. I think you did good for not begging, it showed that you are mature and self confident. You walked out with dignity and not too many of us, in the given moment, have the courage to do so.
Author loverboy1984 Posted July 29, 2011 Author Posted July 29, 2011 I didnt beg after she broke up with me but I showed that I wasnt happy and that I was hurt by it. I didnt do it because I read about it here that its bad or else I would have probably done it since I wanted her back. I was talking to a girl the other day who told me girls like it when a guy they have been together with a long time ( like me and my ex for 6yrs) to beg or fight and not let them break up. In the process of blaming myself I sometimes think what if she thinks that I didnt try to fight for her. I told her I loved her, I revealed my secret plan on proposing to her next summer (in which she oddly responded to by saying "why didnt you tell me this earlier). Bottom line is I know she knows I love her and she tells me she loves me. She is suffering from GIGS, we were in LDR and shes in a new atmosphere following her career in school and with a new social circle. Me, her bf of 6yrs across the country didnt seem to relavent. But Im moving there in a couple weeks only 15 min away from her for my school. she knows this but doesnt know when.
just_scott Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 my take on begging and fighting is their basically the same thing aren't they ? i mean either way you're wanting her to do something she's not willing to do on her own [least not right now ] which is go back to you . SHE cheated on you [you say ] then i think if you beg/fight for her it's just gonna push her right into the other guys arms and she'll look at you and say too little to late . MY situation was kind of similar we datted 4 yrs ,we're friends for 2 yrs prior .relationship was good [even she admits ] just something somewhere happend on her end .I got the ''it's not you it's me '' , the ''i love you BUT not in love with you anymore'' we're ''friends'' actually she said she could never hate me or wish ill feelings on me and considers me a ''dear friend'' . I consider her NOTHING .AT first we had minimal contact [some convos were good ,some not so good ]then we went no contact ,then back to some cntact .even seen each other about 6-7 times in the 3 months since she dumpped me ,we didn't go out just collected each others items from each other.we talked BUT nothing got settled no real solid reason was givin ,she's with someone else now [probably at least met him while we were together ]even told her i seen them together [just to see if she'd at least admit it to me ] she hasn't . I didn't beg for her back , i did mention seeing each other time to time small stuff a drink ,maybe a movie nothing major -her reply was ''never know what the future holds'' my reply was ''it's not gonna involve me see ya '' i figure she's cheatted on me ,seeing /datting someone else now NOT carring about how i feel [ or felt at the beggining] i just woke up and said screw this hell if she can change her feelings towards me like she hit some switch then i'll do the same . SHE has asked me what i'm up to etc i just give her vague answers and quote 80's songs to her [it frustrates the hell out of her] it's just a joke now i don't think about what she's doing , i don't look for answers ONLY she has the answers to give and if she's not willing to then i aint gonna rack my brain trying to figure it out . GO no contact maybe she'll contact you BUT don't take no bread crumbs IF it's gonna be her getting back together with you SHE'S got to come right out and say it nothing else should really matter maybe in time you guys will have that second chance and come back stronger . AS for me theirs not even a prayer of reconsiliation ,IF my ex knocked on my door on a stormy night crying i'd ask if she'd like me to call her a cab wouldn't even invite her in ...you cheat , you got g.i.g.s. whatever you're GONE
Paige1377 Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 Don't beg, it will feed her ego and make her feel like her ex is still pining so she can get anyone. I know it hurts, I got out a six year relationship, and I wanted to pine for him, but you can't it just makes the other person go farther away. Plus, if you are gonna be a doctor, you can always get a new girl. Lol no seriously, move on, focus on school and friends and family. Keep a journal, trust me she wont forget you after six years, but she needs time to miss you. If after a couple more months she hasn't comeback there is your answer. She needs space to figure out what she wants, do the same. Write down pros and cons of the relationship Nd be honest with yourself, do you really see this as a person you could love the rest of your life or someone you had been with so long it felt like e right thing to do. Is it fair for you to be miserable while she is happy? He'll no....if she comes back...after careful thought you will be ready to commit logically instead of your emotions. If she doesn't, you will feel better about you and trust me, once you see past her, your possibilities are endless!
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