Mimi99 Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 Hey Loveshack friends!! I met this guy a while back and we clicked in the most amazing way. I like him a lot and could defiently see myself being with him long term. However, I hate the way he dresses. I'm not very much into fashion and don't expect anyone I date to be either. However, I expect a guy I date to wear decent, fairly new shirts/T-shirts and pants/shorts..., Nice shoes too. I make sure the guy I date doesn't see me repeating the same clothes and shoes over and over again, especially on the first few dates. Everytime we met, he wore the same ugly shoes. It's not like he can't afford new shoes. I mean if you don't want to spend a lot of money on shoes go to PAYLESS!! They do have nice shoes sometimes. What do you think I should do? How do I let him know he needs to change how he dresses? This guy needs a makeover. I've actually come a long way, I would've dumped someone for this when I was much younger and I did. I've come to know this guy and he's wonderful with the exception of the wardrobe issue. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks guys!!!
Fondue Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 I wish I had the /facepalm ascii saved on my phone. This thread clearly deserves it.
Jynxx Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 On the off chance that this is a serious question: Just tell him you don't like his shoes and take him shopping for clothes. Guys aren't sensitive when it comes to criticizing their taste in fashion or shoes.
thatone Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 (edited) I wish I had the /facepalm ascii saved on my phone. This thread clearly deserves it. why? i'm not attracted to women who only wear jeans and tennis shoes, so why would i not apply the same standards to myself? as for the OP, i can tell you how NOT to approach him about it. don't demand that he go to the mall with you, he'll hate it and it'll turn into a fight. offer to go to a man's clothing store with him. not dillard's, not macy's, not one of these teenager mall brand stores, go to a men's store. every city has one. those places will have male salesmen and a male tailor who know what they are doing. he doesn't have to spend thousands on custom made suits and italian hand made shoes in such a place, they will work within your budget(s), and having a man as the salesman and the 'expert' will make the process easier for him. just as you wouldn't be comfortable talking to a male salesman while shopping for bras and panties at the mall, nor are men comfortable dealing with all of the women working at the mall, even if they're selling men's clothes. Edited July 29, 2011 by thatone
Eddie Edirol Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 Mimi, your guy doesnt care about his clothes, that is his essence, and its not going to change. Even if you get him to get new shoes, he will wear that one pair all the time. BTW, if you are trying to change him this early in the relationship, you are dooming it right now. If you want a guy that cares about his clothes, than you have to find a guy that shows you from date one that he cares about his wardrobe. Unless you want to dress this guy all the time, he wont care about what he wears...and in the long run, youre gonna resent him for letting you dress him. So you can try to go there, but dont make any expectations that it will work.
Casablanca Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 why? i'm not attracted to women who only wear jeans and tennis shoes, so why would i not apply the same standards to myself? shoes arent that big of an issue...and why you would have a problem if a girl only wore jeans is beyond me (now upscale restaurant there is a problem, but other than that...none) How ugly are the shoes? Are they falling apart or do you just THINK they look ugly? I think this thread is pretty "silly" in the least If this guy's shoes are the only "negative" about him, you got yourself a good catch
thatone Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 well, i like upscale restaurants and bars, so yep there you go.
Author Mimi99 Posted July 29, 2011 Author Posted July 29, 2011 OMG! LOL! you guys are so hard on me. Okay, so the reason why this is an issue for me right now is because we're still getting to know each other. It's pretty new. That's why I have difficulty in saying something about his shoes. This thread might sound silly to you guys, but imagine if you were dating a woman who did the same thing. Wore some old dirty shoes on every date.. Wouldn't it be a little bit of an issue? Now, I'm defiently not going to leave this guy over this, I just needed a few pointers on how to broach the subject up. "Thatone" thanks for the input. I'll take him shopping with me and suggest some shoes/clothing that would look good on him.
sm1tten Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 Hm. I actually had a similar issue with my ex. He would wear some of the raggediest ass shirts around me. Holes and stains and all that. Not when we went out, just hanging out at home... but since hanging out at home was 75% of what we did, I felt a little unhappy that he put no effort into his appearance because I take pride in mine. I spoke to him about it, he basically told me "this is me, and this isn't changing." I accepted it. It wasn't a big deal once I stopped taking it personally. If I were you, I'd be prepared for the possibility that he won't take too kindly to your "pointers" and that he's fine with the way he looks... it's up to you to deal with it.
Eddie Edirol Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 OMG! LOL! you guys are so hard on me. Okay, so the reason why this is an issue for me right now is because we're still getting to know each other. It's pretty new. That's why I have difficulty in saying something about his shoes. This thread might sound silly to you guys, but imagine if you were dating a woman who did the same thing. Wore some old dirty shoes on every date.. Wouldn't it be a little bit of an issue? Now, I'm defiently not going to leave this guy over this, I just needed a few pointers on how to broach the subject up. "Thatone" thanks for the input. I'll take him shopping with me and suggest some shoes/clothing that would look good on him. I think you need to pick his brain as to WHY he doesnt care about his clothes beore making suggestions to him. BTW its also too soon to go broaching him about his clothes.
Author Mimi99 Posted July 29, 2011 Author Posted July 29, 2011 Hm. I actually had a similar issue with my ex. He would wear some of the raggediest ass shirts around me. Holes and stains and all that. Not when we went out, just hanging out at home... but since hanging out at home was 75% of what we did, I felt a little unhappy that he put no effort into his appearance because I take pride in mine. I spoke to him about it, he basically told me "this is me, and this isn't changing." I accepted it. It wasn't a big deal once I stopped taking it personally. If I were you, I'd be prepared for the possibility that he won't take too kindly to your "pointers" and that he's fine with the way he looks... it's up to you to deal with it. Thanks sm1tten! LOL! that must've been horrible. My thing is, why is it too hard to just get your basics and have a couple of clean clothes/shoes to change into? I don't get men. Yeah, i'll prepare myself for that possiblity. It would make me very happy if he were to change wardrobe wise, but there is no way i'm gonna leave him for it.
Author Mimi99 Posted July 29, 2011 Author Posted July 29, 2011 I think you need to pick his brain as to WHY he doesnt care about his clothes beore making suggestions to him. BTW its also too soon to go broaching him about his clothes. Thanks Eddie! yeah, it's too soon to say anything about it. I'm gonna keep my fingers crossed in the hopes that he won't be offended when I say something. I was thinking about maybe waiting a month before I say anything.
fitgirl Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 be gentle and be positive. tell him how you love when he wears button down shirts for example. don't nag.
thatone Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 Thanks sm1tten! LOL! that must've been horrible. My thing is, why is it too hard to just get your basics and have a couple of clean clothes/shoes to change into? I don't get men. Yeah, i'll prepare myself for that possiblity. It would make me very happy if he were to change wardrobe wise, but there is no way i'm gonna leave him for it. people are products of their upbringing. are his parents blue collar type folks? the reason is probably as simple as that.
Eddie Edirol Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 be gentle and be positive. tell him how you love when he wears button down shirts for example. don't nag. if he was trying to impress her that would work, but this clearly isnt the case. It wont work unless he really wants to dress better. Some guys dont bother because they dont know what to buy that looks good. Thanks Eddie! yeah, it's too soon to say anything about it. I'm gonna keep my fingers crossed in the hopes that he won't be offended when I say something. I was thinking about maybe waiting a month before I say anything. Hes a grown man, he'll never be offended, he will only be annoyed if you nag him about it.
Recommended Posts