I made a huge mistake...

[Just stoppin by]

Hi,

I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 months a few months ago. I was depressed at the time, and everything in my life seemed wrong. The next day I realized I made a huge mistake, I love him still, with all my heart. Now hes come out of his akward stage, and emerged looking hotter than Johnny Depp even! lol, He's absolutely perfect in so many ways....how can I say I'm sorry and get him back?

[Red Flag Rick]

what is going on here??? let me feed this back to you as it comes across to me.

 

you are depressed and your life is in shambles, so you break up with your boyfriend of 6 whole months. The next day you have break-up remorse and want him back because you realized you loved him with all your heart, whatever that means.

 

Now he emerges from his awkward stage, looking better than a movie star, and the heavens open up and you see that he is perfect in so many ways, whatever that means. So now you want to apologize and get him back?

 

What's next, wedding bells? Happily Ever After? Obsession over your wedding dress?

 

Sweetie, this entire post is one big red flag. you gotta problem, and it is not the fact that you can't marry Johnny Depp's prettier brother.

 

Please notice that you are more concerned with jumpin a hottie's bones than with your obvious depression and clouded perspective of what is important here.

 

Notice the emphasis on boys and the minimalization of you. If anything is awkward, it is the fact that you should have this reversed. You should be concentrating on your emotional health and clarity in life, not on a hot boy.

 

But you sure are glad the hot bod is not awkward, and this is an irony that you need to recognize.

 

You appear to be the awkward one, as you have not made the connection between the importance of taking care of you and building up your self-esteem and how it will affect every single relationship you have for the rest of your life.

 

You have not sought enough help and guidance to find the answers relating to why you were depressed, and this is painfully evident. I daresay this is handled because you wouldn't have such a skewed perspective if you had professional help.

 

And until you see things differently, you can forget about having a healthy relationship with Johnny Depp, Leonardo, Pat Sajak, or any man.

 

oh, and one more little morsel. you. and you really need to know yourself.

 

I challenge you to try to answer the two items that I wrote above and followed with, "whatever that means." You are making assumptions that tell me you need some guidance when it comes to how you perceive yourself and your relationships... You claim you know how to define love. I don't think you can define it and come anywhere close to the truth without first solving your depression, realizing that your emotional health comes way before a hot male bod, and examining your value.

 

You also seem to know how to identify and define perfection in men, which, as a 38 year old gay man, i have yet to discover. And sweetie, I know men.

 

You are not placing enough value on your own life, and at the same time, you have built up some young hottie to be better than a movie star. Sweetie, this is what I call a big ole' red flag, and you need to understand that as you enter relationships with men, you absolutely MUST have the ability to look at men with a critical eye and notice red flags so you can protect yourself.

 

And you can't even notice the red flags that signal a need for you to seek help.

 

But you sure are happy that the hottie came out of his awkward stage.

 

Please tell me you see something in this that gives you cause to pause.

 

I urge you to take my word for it and know that you are worth more than suffering through a lifetime of failed relationships with men and a neverending struggle to find out who you really are. You are a female, I presume, and if you are, you have no idea what you have inside of you. The power females have to address situations, size up other people, and take care of whatever comes their way, is awesome.

 

Females, without a doubt, are very much smarter than males.

 

(and when you hear this from a dude who digs males, believe it.)

 

And I do not hate straight guys at all - quite the contrary - if you were a dude and you were running game on a girl, I would be all over you like Bill Clinton on a new intern.

 

But sweetie, you aren't smarter than males. not yet. and you better get started and learn why you aren't now, or the males will eat you for lunch and you will look up one day and wonder what the heck happened to your vision of "happy ever after." Ironically, the bs that you have been fed all your life about knights in shiny armor and white picket fences and handsome studs on horses screws little girls up and sets the stage for disaster. So forget your dream that you have been force fed all these years - and say hello to reality.

 

You were built to be smarter than guys - and there are big time reasons why. I urge you to find out.

 

I have tons of straight girl friends and lots of straight guy friends, and i have heard more about all you wonderful breeders than you will ever know. I am certainly no expert, but I sure do give a damn about people experiencing the most incredible relationships possible. Because gay, straight, or otherwise, we have the potential to experience amazing connections with other people for the short time we are here on earth. And I refuse to sit on the sidelines when guys and girls, hetero or homo, make choices that lead to dysfunctional futures. So I don't care one bit about what you think about me. I care what you think about you because I recognize you and you instantly matter to me. I know you because I have heard this same delusional chatter from girl friends way too many times over the years.

 

And the minute they realize that they are focusing on the wrong things in life and it has everything to do with the fact that they have not placed enough value in who they are as women (and the same thing goes for the guys), I see the change begin. and they grow... and they learn what is needed to acquire the tools necessary to navigate the relationship waters correctly and protect themselves every step of the way.

 

(And yes, dudes, you need the right tools, too, you big lugs. Drop the macho crap.

The 80's are over. and be watching for a post from me that lets you in on how girls think, what they expect, and what they say about you - they tell their gay friends everything. and i am passing what they have told me over the years on to you, because it will help you understand women and find a girl with a high relationship value)

 

And sweetie, I hope you want this, and I hope you will see very soon that you ain't got it.

 

Take the focus off the hottie - men should be so far off your radar screen right now, you think you are a nun. You've got work to do on you, and boys are a dime a dozen and they will be here when you emerge with proper self-worth and clarity.

 

Concentrate on the fact that, unless you shift your focus, no real, evolved, properly developed man who happens to be a hottie will give you the time of day. Oh, you'll find guys...the ones who only want to jump your bones real fast because you will be weak - he will see pretty quickly that you are one of the many females who simply have not tapped into the immense power that you have to take care of yourself and keep the boys in perspective.

 

So if you don't change, you will have all the men you want. Problem is, these will not be the men you need. And left unchecked, you will become one more needy, whiney babe who wants that Barbie Dream World life so badly, but instead she gets tossed around from man to man like a tattered used rag doll. Or she lives her life in a marriage that screams dysfunction. Or she gets divorced and becomes a bitter old woman. I have seen all of these examples.

 

Chicks like this are everywhere. Think long enough and you know one, I bet. They start out young focusing on guys and not themselves.

 

Hey. that sure does sound like someone I know.

 

I urge you to see the magnitude of your though process and where it could lead you. I have seen the end result, and it is not something I wish for you or anyone else.

 

You deserve to think better than this, cutie. And you deserve to find a guy who has seen the light as it relates to the value he places on females. And they are out there, waiting to find a lady who has her ship together.

 

And if you don't start the process of personal growth and self-actualization right now, it will be extremely difficult for you to know how to find the right guy and eventually experience the incredible joy of a healthy relationship with the right life partner.

 

And never forget that you are a commodity and you have a value that will attract a certain type of guy. It is your responsibility - and nobody else's - to ensure that your value is as high as it can be.

 

That way, you really will be able to find your Prince Charming.

[Red Flag Rick]

i forgot to tell you - i used to post under "scottbsl" - look that name up on this board and read my responses to folks... and i hope you will see the importance of noticing red flags in relationships.