WildWildWest Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 I have been friends with a guy for about 2 years now, we always had the fwb relationship because we both didnt want anything serious at the time. Well of course over the years I have come to really like him and I am to the point where I am ready for another serious relationship (I was in a terrible marriage for 6 years prior which is the reason I didnt want anything serious). I have made it known to him several times now that I want more, I guess before I wasnt to serious about how I approached him about it but a couple weeks ago i got fed up and told him how i felt and what i wanted and if he couldnt provide it then i didnt want anything to do with him anymore. He told me then that we would work on it and that he has trust issues with women, I already knew that before, he was burned pretty badly before but I told him that he cant assume everyone is going to do the same thing to him.. so i told him when he is ready to start dating and becoming more than friends to let me know.. he made it seem like he was ready then.. but then he keeps doing the same damn things.. inviiting me over his house to "hang out" never askin me out on a date.. he is a very busy person, full time job and he is a firefighter so he spends most of his time with that but I feel that if he was really into me then he would make time.. I am getting really fed up because I really like him but it seems like he's just stringing me along when he tells me he isnt.. I just dont kno what to do now.. do I try n make it work or just leave it alone all together?
blueskyday Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 Next time he asks you to "hang out" at his house (meaning "come have sex"), then say "No, I'd rather go out to dinner and a movie." See what he says. Bottom line, if a guy won't invest emotionally in you, then it is sex only. Not good enough for you anymore, as you have said. You deserve and want more now. True, it was a FWB situation, but that has changed for you. So you must not act like a FWB girl anymore. If he doesn't want to date you exclusively, then he has that right. And you have the right not to sleep with him anymore. You won't know until you require more out of him, and you see if he wants to give it.
Author WildWildWest Posted July 29, 2011 Author Posted July 29, 2011 he asked me to come over I asked if it was just because he wanted sex.. he said no that he was in a cuddling mood.. so i said "so if i come over and we dont have sex thats ok?" he said he was fine with that. I never went cuz I got off work to late but he said that it isnt just all about the sex. he has told me the past 2 years he hasnt been with anybody else but me.. which I kinda believe cuz he isnt the type thats "out there" its the damn firehouse that comes first. the first time I told him i wanted to end it unless he wanted more he asked me to the movies but we never went cuz he had a firehouse convention (UGH!) I told him things have changed for me and I want more, he seems to act like he wants more but maybe he is scared.. idk.. but im tired of wondering how he really feels.. and it would be easy for me not to worry bout it but we work together so i see him all the time. its annoying cuz he flirts with me all the time, doing all the stuff he knows I like.. so I guess I just ignore him so he knows im really serious?
blueskyday Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 Just get busy and stick to your guns. Say No to going over to his place until he takes you out to dinner and a movie. Don't force him. See if he gives this to you because he wants to be with you. Be nice. Be unavailable, though. His problems aren't yours to figure out. If he's too busy, or emotionally immature to have a girlfriend, it doesn't matter. You aren't getting your needs met. Bottom line, you have a right to. Have the attitude of "See ya!" Let him prove himself to you a bit. And go date other guys. Really, you do deserve all you want. The issue is whether or not he is the guy who can give that to you. Oh, and don't fall for him saying yes to dinner and a movie, then asking you to come to his house. Make him pick YOU up, and be ready to run out of the front door when he gets there. You might be able to teach him how to treat you, but time will tell if he can be the man you want and need. Meanwhile, get a bit cooler at work. Friendly, but curter and shorter in conversations. Think: treat him like a friend, and don't respond to any sexual banter. You are weaning him off of that and trying to get more of an emotional connection going. Just don't waste too much time on him. Give it a few weeks to see if he wants to put the effort in, then cut bait if he won't. Life is short!
Author WildWildWest Posted July 29, 2011 Author Posted July 29, 2011 I never make my self available when he asks me to come over.. I rarely ever go, because its always something he comes up with last minute and i really dont want to seem pressed. I really think the problem is he has never been in a serious relationship so he doesnt kno how to go about it. He told me he has only been with 3 women his entire life and me being one of them and he is 35 years old. he's just so caught up with the firehouse that he has no time for anything else. Im also guessing that he thinks that if he gets in a serious relationship then he is going to loose all his free time, that is soooo not the case. Im not even asking for alot, it doesnt take much to make me hapy really. I dont want to be smothered, My husband did that to me but I want more than this one is giving. All I ask for is to go out a couple times a month at the least and spend time with each other at least once a week.. how hard can that be really? I am going to stick to my guns tho, im not giving him what he wants until he gives me what i want. sounds kinda mean tho, wonder how I can put that to him in a nice way :/
vsmini Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 It doesn't really sound like he's that into you and there's nothing you can do to really change his mind. If you ignore him it might make him blow hot and want to come around you more but until he blatantly states: "YES - I AM READY AND WANT A RELATIONSHIP" ....then it's safe to assume he is not ready and does not want a relationship with you. Move on - this guy has had MORE than enough time over the years to know who you are and if he wants to be serious with you - there's really no point in sticking around waiting for him to see your worth. You told him what you want, you've made your stance clear - he's still acting up. Time to take one for the self-respect team and move on from him.
Recommended Posts