babyygirllhi Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 My question is this... Is the fact that my ex feels he has to be without me to figure out his life a sign that we arent meant to be? Keep in mind, he was this way when we met. He wasn't ready for a relationship... My bf (22 and im 24) broke up with me because he needs to be alone to figure out what he wants in life. We were together 11 months. It was that way since we met, he wanted to be 30 by the time he found himself etc. But he fell in the love for the first time and we spent 24/7 together. He is just the type of person that needs to be alone, nothing in the way, to figure things out, otherwise he can't concentrate. I was in the way of him finding what he wants in life, finding himself. He needs his time now, and I want him to have it. It was obvious in the relationship he wasnt ready to be with someone. He was never 100% and it actually made me quite needy. He said he wants to be alone for years, but he doesn't truly know what he wants. He says he is still in love with me. That im the perfect girl in every way and he has told me that he misses me. I even got it out of him that he could see us together in the future, but didnt want to tell me bc he cant have me waiting, or he cant do what he wants...that just wouldnt work... So: Is the fact that he feels he has to be without me to figure out his life a sign that we arent meant to be? Or is he insecure with himself and in life that he cant have me yet? Before he broke up with me he said "i have to figure out if i can give you 100% like you deserve and i want to give, or if i have to be alone" ... he has to be alone. In the beginning of the breakup, we cried a lot, kept seeing eachother, etc. He said that when we're apart, something always feels like it is missing, he misses me, but it also feels good to be alone... ALSO ... We have talked 1 time in the past 2 weeks. He called and was telling me how he is lost, doesnt know what he wants in life. He just doesnt want to work, he wants to be able to do what he wants, build himself as a person. I guess he will have to experience things to realize that cant happen. I ended the convo and he sounded a little surprised (i have been there for him every second, anytime, through the whole relationship). also, im moving back to florida in 27 days and when i told him he said he can come to me on his way back home before I move (we are in diff cities now). i said no its not a good idea. and he said nervously "well we can talk about it later, dont decide now". then he sent a text after saying "your words are wisdom to me, you know me. its hard to talk but i think its good for both of us. talk to you after italy. have fun!" . (im leaving tomorrow for 5 days)
PegNosePete Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 Nobody is "meant to be together". If you both want to be together then you work at it and make it happen. If not, then you don't. I don't understand this "meant to be" stuff. You're either together or you aren't. Sounds like his words are saying one thing, and his actions another. And then that happens, you know which to believe. I would NC this flaky rubbish-talking guy and find someone who is ready for commitment. Who knows, maybe that will make him snap out of it. But don't hold your breath. Have fun being single in Italy!
Paige1377 Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 Peg is right....this guy sounds like he is full of crap. Seriously, I want to be alone,figure things out, find myself. If you are in a good sound relationship you don't have to leave the relationship to find yourself, bc you will both know who you are and respect that. I know you want this guy, but I beg of you don't wait. This finding myself crap sounds like code of I want freedom and different girls. I bet if you dug a little bit you would find out he's interested in someone else already. No guy needs time to find themselves, sorry men are codependent for the most part. My ex fed me lines of crap like that and I lined and wanted to wait, until I found out he took some girl on vacation five days after my child and I were kicked out. You will still want him, but you gotta detach yourself from his crap, go nc now, if I could nc with my ex I would but since we have a kid I have to. Once you move on, which can take time you may feel stupid for ever believing this crap. I am sorry for being honest, I know you are hurting, but that's just crap and you need to live your life, not wait for him to find himself!
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