NursingGirl Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 Isnt it best to not tell him that. Then he sees that im hurting. Rather than avoiding his calls, maybe replying after a few days very short and kind, but make it look like im busy and moving on. ? Seems like that is better .. No, that's not clear enough. I would prefer email so that you get to completely say what you need to say and he can read it over and over. Tell him that you have decided to move on and do not want him to contact you any more. You can even go so far as to tell him you're not mad at him and that you wish him well so you don't feel cold about it but that you please ask that he respect your wishes so that you can move on. Then, when he calls or does anything to contact you, you can take that as not respecting your wishes and not answer. Relationship endings are rarely pleasant but they are a reality.
Enchanted Girl Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 Isnt it best to not tell him that. Then he sees that im hurting. Rather than avoiding his calls, maybe replying after a few days very short and kind, but make it look like im busy and moving on. ? Seems like that is better .. No. You have to stop talking to him completely. Visit the board about break-ups on here and ask them if you can get through a break-up while being polite and still talking to your ex. They will all tell you to give up on communication completely, we use the word so much on here that we even have an abbreviation for it "NC" - No communication. Every single time you talk to them, old feelings for them arise. The only way to get over them and over those feelings is distance yourself completely from them. When you physically make them not a part of your life (not talking to them or hanging out with them or whatever), eventually your emotions follow.
carhill Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 OP, read the thread linked in my signature for great tips and strategies to heal through no contact, if that is your choice. Also, I read '24/7' a number of times. Give some thought to less 'togetherness' in your next relationship. Healthy relationships are a balance of 'togetherness' and 'alone' which are healthy for both partners. This balance and it being satisfying is a part of compatibility. Regardless of the impetus for his distancing, I think this aspect is worthy of reflection. Good luck.
Stupid Girl Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 Hi babyygirl, I'm basically at the same point in life as you, going through the same thing after my ex suddenly decided he wanted to "be alone" and "figure himself out" after 5 happy years together Chances are he is going to grow up eventually and come back. But as somebody said to me, it could be a week, or a month, or a year, or 10 years. Your life is too precious to waste waiting around for someone who isn't even sure they want to be with you! The best way to make him realize what he's missing is moving on. Good luck
DuskCrush Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 If you want him back ... Don't call or email him just wait for him to contact you. When he does (and trust me he will)... dont be too nice or mean...just be neutral....and Essentially break up with him. Tell him you need to figure your life out too and that it is best if you dont communicate. Keep it short and then move on and live your life....Stop feeling sad...He will definitely want you back if he sees your happy and enjoying your life...Right now he is just taking your love, friendship and connection for granted. Let him see you wont be there waiting....when he sees that he can actually lose you suddenly he wont need any space.
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