ScienceGal Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 (edited) Like most mornings, this morning I woke up with a heavy heart. I am heading out for a weekend trip, which I am really looking forward to. There is a chance some of the ex's friends will be there. He is the one that left me, citing my inability to treat him as an equal during times of disagreement (I liked to talk things out, he didn't). It's ridiculous to me, but a deal breaker for him. I think he has anger issues and a hard time with confrontation. He has refused to speak to me since the split, stating that I really hurt him by this. I have not tried hard to contact him. One unanswered phone call/vm the day after, a couple unanswered emails and texts that week. He did say he would speak to me when he is ready. It's been just over 6 weeks since the split. I am not a good liar, and dealing with the friends without showing my feelings won't be easy. I do not want him to know I still miss him as I only see that doing more harm to me. I can't believe I am still in love with him Edited July 29, 2011 by ScienceGal
Bito Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 its allways difficult when running into friends if the ex. I know it shouldn't matter how they perceve you but it does. You don't want your ex or anyone close to him to know your hurting. If you do see them just be friendly and say hello. Just try and remember this is your weekend vacation and you deserve to have a good time. Your ex has stoped you from doing that enough. So try and to keep your mind in the moment and have fun!
reimeivn Posted July 29, 2011 Posted July 29, 2011 i saw one the other day and i was like, why would i even bother to hang out with her in the first place. just delete them from your life.
coltsfan1 Posted July 30, 2011 Posted July 30, 2011 i told my ex this is what I would do. Hard but must be done, but it took me about 7 months to pull it off
sun_moon Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 Have a great time, and you are right, fake it till you make it. When I feel myself slipping and cant contain myself anymore and I'm somewhere where I dont want to show it, I excuse myself and run to the restroom and try to coach myself out of the feeling. Good luck. In time the love will fade.
Author ScienceGal Posted July 31, 2011 Author Posted July 31, 2011 I definitely had to coach myself this weekend. I just got home and I feel pretty down. I didn't end up seeing his friends, so that was good. But as soon as I was in my car on the way home I completely broke down into tears. I had fun on the trip but I think of him all the time and it's as though it prevents me from enjoying life to the fullest. At best, everything just feels "ok". It's so frustrating that I am wasting time by crying and thinking of him. Especially since he is probably fine by now. I knew it would linger, but I didn't think I would still be crying. I don't think there is anything else that I can do except try my hardest to get out there and just live.
TheVSilent Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 It is no secret, I have been going to counseling for the past two months, the first thing she told me was to fake it till I make it. Seems like a task that is easy to do, but I find myself most time not being able to fake it, I still feel very much alone and regretful. I have been keeping NC though, haven't heard a peep out of her since May, and I haven't tried to contact her since mid June so maybe faking it really does work, it is just hard.
Author ScienceGal Posted July 31, 2011 Author Posted July 31, 2011 I have been seeing a counselor every other week. I am not sure if it is going to help me in the long run though. I can see she is trying to help me realize things about myself so that I can make better choices, but I am not one to use logic in emotional matters. The heart wants what it wants, and I will give in, every time. Worst thing is that I am going in circles. Sometimes I think I feel better, and then there are days like today when I have been home crying and sleeping. I just want time to pass. I miss him and want him back, really badly! I thought I was making progress, but now am back at square 1. And what I hate the most is I am wasting my precious time, and I do not feel there is anything that I can do about it that I am not already doing.
sun_moon Posted July 31, 2011 Posted July 31, 2011 I totally understand what you mean, in a sense I still feel this way, im in a cycle. I get so angry because he doesnt deserve any more of my tears or thoughts, its like I want to hurry up and get over it already. You know for me Sundays are the hardest days, I dont know why, but they always have, I used to cry like clock work every Sunday night or during long drives home. Now, its not so regular, it still happens, but not every time. What I'm trying to tell you is try not to be so hard on yourself, your situation is still fresh. (I'm guessing by the member date) Its ok to cry and feel like utter ****. Non of us like it, but if we allow our selves to grieve, we can move on to a better state of mind, its a pain you have to push through. Believe it or not its better than someone who tries to deny or avoid the pain and ignore it. Little by little, the anguished feeling fades. Thoughts of him are still there but keep living your life like you have and one day you will realize hey its been x amount of hours, days or weeks since I've thought about him, missed him or cried over him. Its a process, each baby step counts. Go do something nice for yourself today.
Author ScienceGal Posted July 31, 2011 Author Posted July 31, 2011 Believe it or not its better than someone who tries to deny or avoid the pain and ignore it. I've always wondered if this behavior catches up with them. I think maybe sometimes, but perhaps some can go their entire lives denying and avoiding. Despite the pain I am enduring, and the amount of time, I am grateful that I am someone who fully embraces their emotions. It makes me a more caring, dedicated and loving person. It means when I find someone like me, it will all be worth it
shortee143 Posted August 2, 2011 Posted August 2, 2011 I think that has to be my new motto whenever around my ex or "our" friends. It is really hard to bury all those feelings around him or our friends. I hear and see things I dont want to, plus I got dumped over the phone with no reason given. So there is just so much I wana say, so much hurt, so much anger, etc. But I realize at this point, it is useless to express any of this to him or our friends. You just gotta keep your chin up, smile, and do you. When I am with my (our) friends, and he is there, it is so hard and I constantly have to remind myself to have fun, and sure I have setbacks, but I just trudge thru it. Keep your focus on YOU, afterall, YOU are most important!
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